I believe I know what you mean Jen. He has to be at a point where he is willing to work upon himself and perhaps he isn't there yet? Perhaps in denial? I suppose it is different for everyone. Some begin almost immediately, others take years. Evie didn't begin work on herself until about a year ago, yet she was diagnosed in 2002. How long since his diagnosis Jen?

He was discharged from the Army 10 years ago and was diagnosed around the same time.
So it has been a while it just seemed weird when the counsellor said she thought he was at the early stages of PTSD last year? Maybe those first few years of denial are taking their toll as I believe these last few weeks he has been worse than ever?
Thanks Kathy!

Hi Jen

I can't offer much but from memory it took Anthony around 5 years to be able to manage himself better from first being diagnosed. And from the little I understand I think he went downhill before he got better.

Hang in there and take care.

Nicolette

Hi Nicolette thanks for that.
The difference is that Anthony wanted to get better and he has learnt to live with his PTSD as hard as it may be for him at times.
Hubby just does not seem to have that willpower to want to better himself?

The problem also is that the older and longer the duration, typically the harder it is for them to want to really change. Sometimes impact upon themselves is the only way, though then most will cut their nose off to spite themselves regardless.

Sorry Anthony you lost me? Impact upon themselves?

"Impact upon themselves" simply refers to the sufferer often needing something quite impacting upon their life / lifestyle in order to change for the better, ie. sometimes the act of separation does it; another accident does it; etc. The sufferer often needs something that impacts their personal choice before they will make a significant effort to change themselves for the better. Often a sufferer will just lay in the lifestyle and surroundings they have become accustom too and accept that, though if changed dramatically to no longer favour them, can make them change for the better.

Again, sometimes these significant events only make them more stubborn, sometimes makes them worse. Risky, though typically the way in which a person makes change from their "normal" and safe surroundings.

Thanks Anthony I understand now!
The 'act of separation' sounds good
I was looking at some old posts of mine back when I joined the forum early 2006 seems like nothing much has changed?

So Anthony what you are referring to is similar to "hitting bottom" in alcoholism, at least that is what Jim and I call it? I know Jim's bottom with his alcoholism was when I left him. That was the jolt he needed to begin work about himself. The unfortunate part is, that would not have been enough for some. Their bottom might be lower, losing not only their family, but also their job, becoming homeless, their health deteriorating and so on. Some never hit a bottom and drink themselves to death. It is a risk as you say, however totally up to the individual in question.

This point did get me thinking though Jen, are there ways in which you might be enabling your husband? By enabling I mean doing things for him which he should be doing for himself? Doing things which keep him from addressing his problems? I apologize for using alcoholism as an example as it is not exactly the same, however - with Jim, I used to enable him thusly: if he was hungover from being drunk, I would ring his superiors at work, lie and tell them he was ill, rather than letting him call them himself. If he made a huge mess whilst drunk, I would clean it up whilst he was sleeping it off, rather than letting him see what he did whilst drunk and cleaning it himself. He often would not come home for dinner with no explanation, yet I would not complain and I would make up a plate for him and keep it warm. Those are just some little examples of my enabling.

Yeh thanks Kathy I can see what you mean.
For years I have put up with him not getting out of bed and I would make excuses to friends ( which he doesnt have any more) that he wasnt well and needed his sleep?
Its only in the last couple of years that I dont keep it to myself anymore where is he is concerned I tell people that he is bed whereas I used to be embarrassed to say he was in bed.
Only recently my Mum said that they knew what was going on but she is glad now that I talk about him to her?

I went through a stage of waking him up earlier to try to get him going for the day but was just met with anger from him and if he did get out of bed earlier he would be back on the couch by lunchtime!