Hi Kathy,

You are lucky to have a sister. I have two 1/2 brothers 10 and 14 yrs older, living 250 away or 2,000 miles away...

I am very happy you are doing so much better and able to help yourself. You are so very strong...

My prayers are with you.

Hugs to you and your family...

Take Care

Donna

Thank you ladies. Yes Nicolette, my sister Judith is a very "cool" person according to the children, they all love her. She is a big fan of comics, especially Spiderman, so she gets along quite well with Evie. She's a joy to have around, and yes Jen I do confide in her.

I am fortunate to have two of my three sisters living in eastern Canada, though not on the island, and not terribly close, however I still get to see them fairly often. My third sister lives in New Zealand and I have not seen her in over 10 years. Though Jim and I keep planning to visit NZ one of these days!

Today has been particularly difficult for remembering Brian and dealing with his death. Evie has been quite out of sorts and if I am honest so have I. I am uncertain if it is being exacerbated by Colin's deployment, however today was quite painful. I have been in tears or on the verge of tears, off and on for the entire day. Tonight I was most grateful to have found some general editing duties to do upon the forum, as I needed something to distract me. Chronic distraction is not good, however tonight I simply do not want to think about my grief anymore. All day was long enough and I do so wish to have a break from this sadness!

I concur Kathy.... everyone deserves a break from sadness at times, and your dealing with that typically.... so enjoy your break please. Sorry that you feel so sad Kathy.... I know your going to get much better quite soon though. Nobody can tell you to stop hurting Kathy, because that is your choice and it depends on the reasons you hurt, ie. punishing yourself or just sadness for not having Brian with you. Big difference between the two though. Please take care of yourself Kathy.... you have a rough ride still ahead yet.

I have 3 daughters, I can't imagine what a loss like yours must be like. I wish you all the best.

Thank you both, I am starting to feel better, though as you say Anthony there is a lot of work ahead! Everyone in the house is still a bit out of sorts, I believe aside from Brian, and Colin's deployment, it is simply the weather. We are in the midst of the coldest and dreariest few weeks of the year, and I believe it is all getting to us a bit (as it does to virtually everyone who lives here!).

I only knew love of father and brother, they were my world, they died of huntington's disease, I too, had too many near death experiences, I know where they are, and just how beautiful,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I believe that there is a huge book in the sky, in it it says a name date of birth and date of death, and nothing and no one can prevent that.
I had witness many a murder, and as tiny as I was, I said a prayer for each one of the good souls that wound up in the wrong area at the wrong time.
I just found out today, that a dear friend had passed away, in calling a different state where we grew up, ny, now in nc, to tell others of his passing, I found out another dear friend past two years ago.
Lisa, Lars who passed today, was guilt ridden over petty arguments they had, Lisa knows my abuse of the past and some of the abusers, (satanic cult foster care), I told her that Lars is in his mothers arms right now, and that no matter what "we" think we could have done, God chose to take our loved ones for his own reasons.
I believe when I am overwrought with anguish, that in a way I am not letting my loved ones experience all the joy on the other side, because they are mourning my sadness.
I would go to my fathers gravesite, with a pack of marlboros two cups of coffee and sit and cry,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i usually would bring a small stuffed animal of a cool color, as he was a race car driver, and tell him that that color was the in thing, I would make sure to laugh at stuff before i left, as if he were right there.
Next, my brother was at the same plot.
Well crushed yes, but this time when i visited it was with a pack of marlboros two cups of coffee and one heineken.
Dad got his coffee and smokes first at the head of the stone,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and I would slowly let my brother have sips way down at the feet.
I would tell him don't you dare get any of that beer in Diddy's coffee, boy.
Again leaving the cemetary, bleary eyed but laughing at what life was doing at the moment.
I know I will see them again, I have no doubt. It just hurts that the ones that filled our hearts the most, are the ones that can leave.
Today, besides two deaths, one a year ago, and I will have to write the obit as usual, I have been deemed the writer in too many worlds, my ferret is missing and possible inside the walls of the apt. complex, which thankfully is only two stories and five across.
and have told others to look out for her.
I hope anything I've said helps you, I am an indian shaman, but it seems I was put here to bury, and I want to quit the job, but can't find the boss.............errrrrrrrrr
blessings,,,
Donna-Lynne aka White Wolf

chat-ptsd I just posted a thread called another death to deal with, maybe my way of handling things may be helpful or at the very least insightful,
you are in my prayers,
Donna-Lynne

I decided to write here rather than create a new thread. We are all feeling kind of shitty right now, even Dad. I'm not sure why except we did do a kind of grieving exercise and it turned out to be pretty intense. Jacob is the lucky one, he went back to school the other day!! :p I am so upset and angry right now, and sad all at the same time, that I don't even trust myself to write much of anything. I hope this lets up soon for all of us.

I don't know my way around this forum to well yet so I just now am reading about y'alls pain and grief. I just want to say that you are all in my thoughts. please take good care.
Morgan