This is the discussion from the topic in the PTSD information forum, Trauma Anniversaries - Fact vs. Myth.

I just had my trauma anniversary on January 4th. I was also away from home, in a different country and had a job interview on that day!! I was really worried I was not going to be able to handle it. On the actual day I was able to get through my interview sufficiently to be hired, go through a busy airport and fly home on the plane, all in the same day, without freaking out. That's something I honestly never thought I would be able to do, EVER. I'm actually stunned because I totally thought I would be incapable of doing anything that day. Last year I was hallucinating and puking on my anniversary. But then again, last year I had only begun to work on my trauma too...

I did crash from all the stress, but it wasn't until the day after the anniversary. And actually, WOW, I just realized now, I didn't really have many more nightmares or trauma-related stuff when I was crashing. Mostly I was just tired and stressed from all the activities and travelling, and I was sad because last year on my anniversary my brother was with me, taking care of me, and he is now deceased. But it wasn't exactly trauma related, just stress from overload and some grief over my brother.

Thank you for putting this discussion up. The post you wrote in the information section is really helpful!

A good example of what you have been talking about I have done before in the past. For example, I was abused at cadets, and we used to do a lot of military parades. There are bad memories I have that were on the days of those parades, or at the parades. However, I have such a bad memory and there were so many parades the only actual date of a military parade I remember is the 11th of the 11th Parade. This is because this was also something our school took part in, on the minute's silence. I can't remember a lot of the other dates because there were so many that weren't, I guess, reinforced by the minute's silence at school, and the date being two 11's (seriously, I am no good at remembering numbers generally!) That date, and bad memory alongside it stuck in my mind because of that.

As years went by, I noticed that around this time I particularly struggled with flashbacks. It was relevant to notice that I struggled around that particular time when first identifying PTSD in terms of learning that I was being triggered by that date, and why. But it made me try to remember other dates, and I couldn't, because that date was the only parade date I was ever able to remember, more becase of the fact that we also did the minute's silence in school, or work later, and also the numerical ease of remembering it, as opposed to it being more significant than the other memories.

I tried to place when another memory at a parade happened, that was a significant memory. As a result of thinking through dates with other memories in this 'parade' category, and failing to remember any other dates...now somehow all memories associated with parades sort of got lumped on that one representative date somehow.

Since then, I have purposely not tried to find dates...

I'm trying really hard not to remember dates anymore either. Or numbers. My brother died on the 16th of the month, and for a few months after his death I was feeling upset everytime I realized it was the 16th. My actual trauma occurred on the 4th, and I couldn't even say the word "four" for a few years, and January was always a horrible month for me. January 4th shortens to 1-4, so I started associating the number 14 with my trauma too, even though nothing happened on that day.

I am a little confused. I do not have date related anniversaries and had no idea others thought that they "had" to have them.

Anyway even after much hard work I really feel I am as "over" my rape and kidnapping as anyone could possibly be and I am very well adjusted with it really now. I have no issues speaking about it. I do not get where I need recovery time on this topic. It is really just something that sucked that happened now. I just really do not have the same fear of him as he is far far away so even that is really gone due to changes I made.

Thing is with this one I would fall ill at a certain time of year. I am ill in the worst way for over a month, complete full blown PTSD. I get here and experience my first fall and it happens then. Being the Northern move it kicked in faster (season change). After shrink time and therapy it comes out it is an environmental cue. Leaves brown and red.

Now if I am well adjusted over this why would I still have it?

I understand my Summer collapses as well I have two traumas and only processed one. One is hard since I am partially the cause of it, the other I am just now getting into.

So I guess I am asking why would I still relapse during anniversary even though something is throughly worked through and I accept it for what it is? Just the nature of PTSD and what PTSD is?

I don't have dates either, but I *think* that I may have one in March. This is usually the month that my suicidal thoughts, and acts become real. Never knew it till the head shrink at the local ward pointed it out to me 4 yrs ago. I had attempted suicide 3 times in the month of March over the last 15 yrs. I had abuse/trauma for most of my early life so dates don't really mean anything to me.

I would think that people with one or two traumas it would bother them knowing that the date was approaching. I can understand why it would upset them. Makes perfect sense to me. It would be hard not to get sick knowing that day was coming.

If you get ill during a month period, and it recurs annually, then your sub-conscious is trying to tell you something. Either mental imagery or hypnosis may find it, then again, it may not. Either way though, it is still within your brain and you actually do control it.

You must also be careful in trying to forget dates, because all that does is reinforce to your sub-conscious that x date is coming around. If you are at peace with the pain any date, month or the like gives, there is really no real need to get ill at that period, however; some things at the sub-conscious may just be out of your control and you have to live with that one.

Those focused on the belief though that they must, or should get ill on a certain date each year.... nonsense. The faster you forget specific dates the better if you get ill upon them. I have no idea nowadays what my brothers date of death was. I couldn't even tell you specific dates of trauma as their where so many, though that is my trauma which is military related and vastly different from isolated trauma.

Point is though, is that there is no need to become ill on any specific date just because your trauma occurred on that date years prior or the like.

If you want to actually get specific, if you look at the perpetual calendar model, the actual same date each year isn't actually the same in time as we have leap years and so forth attempting to balance time itself. It is purely a date, though not the date of your trauma itself, as that can only occur once, being the day it happened. It technically cannot be relived unless you can travel back in time, which means you control whether you take specific notice or not of that date in future years.

I wanted to add, that I have no anniversary dates. In fact I never thought of having to have them. I just have triggers. Some times I know what they are and sometimes I don't. I try to identify each one and work on each trauma. Most of my stuff I don't even know what season it happened in. I'm lucky if I have a rough age estimate. I don't think my body really remembers.. least not that I noticed. Never thought that the date really mattered much to be honest. Just need to heal it.

bec

I also have triggers but do not know the date of my trauma. I think part of that is because a lot of the emotional pain is associated with the aftermath and is probably more significant than than the trauma itself. I know that it happened on a Friday night in July but I don't feel worse in July.

The two anniversary dates that have bothered me in the past are both in June. Mid and late-when my dad died and twelve months later my sister died. I've had two anniversaries since my PTSD started...one that helped kick start it and then last year.

Last year was very hard. Part of it, I know, was because I was dreading the anniversaries. Part of it was also because I was in the middle of dealing with traumas and issues and that little extra stress really knocked me down.

Since I've dealt with so much (so DAMNED much!) in the last 12+ months, I'm hoping that this coming June will be a lot easier for me to get through. I know there are things that will always cause sadness for me or a rise in my anxiety. But I'm not worried or dreading June like I did last year.

Lisa