I have ptsd, it was first diagnosed because of sexual abuse by a doctor - and my reaction was delayed for many years. When I finally went to counseling for depression over another situation, it was determined that I also have ptsd from childhood emotional abuse and neglect. I have had several counselors try to help me with the ptsd - but I don't want to face the memories - it hurts so much and I get so down that I can't function and do the things I need to do in my day to day life. I don't pull up for days or even weeks. My current psychologist has seen this, and she has stopped having me go into the past and she is working on having me develop skills to help me feel safe. I hardly ever feel safe. Sudden noises make me jump. It is embarrassing when it happens in public, and I am the only one who jumps. I get afraid of people sometimes - people I know well - I suddenly get so scared of them. And then I feel bad because I know it really isn't them - it's just that I feel vulnerable and they remind me of something - someone.

So I am supposed to be finding a safe place in my mind to go to when things get scary. But I can't find anything. I have searched my memory for places from my childhood. Everything seems crowded with family and they are the ones who hurt me. I only felt safe when I was alone in my room but then I was sad. So I don't know how to do this. The only thing I can think of is I did have a sense of peace when I swam underwater at a lake we used to go to.

Has anyone done this - developed a safe place in their mind? I am not sure how all of this works yet. I am getting stressed trying to figure this out.

Thanks
StillSad

There is a thread somewhere on the forum about safe places. Water is mine, as I think your's might be too. It's calming and serene. Maybe you could get one of those little water fountains that you plug in to help with feeling better.

As far as not wanting to face those memories......You have to in order to get better. Sorry but it's the only way. It sucks, it hurts, but it is the only way. Otherwise it (PTSD) just bites you in the ass over and over again.

When I was in group T they told us to lay down, try to slowly relax every inch of our body and imagine we were some place where no on else could be seen.

I imagined the beach, early in the morning with a slight breeze. I pictured myself relaxing on a blanket with the sun shining on my face and the cool breeze blowing across me. It works. I can get so into my "safe Place" that I can feel the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the breeze.

I hope this helps you in some small way

Thank you for the ideas. I will look for the thread you mentioned.

It's interesting to know that you have water for a safe place. Even in my dreams water seems to be safe. I didn't know if it mattered that we can't breathe underwater!!

I guess I will have to face the trauma memories eventually, but I really don't want to. I have been the way I am - I am not sure if this is the right word but I guess I would say traumatized - for as long as I can remember, so being the way I am isn't as scary as facing the feelings. oh well.

Anyway - thanks for the reply!
StillSad

Thank you for the thoughts Grama Herc. I am glad that the beach idea has helped you. I have considered the beach too. I think what you have described about getting "into your safe place" is what my psychologist is going to teach me how to do. It is good to know that it works for you!

Take care
StillSad

This is very true. I hope you find a way to break it down in small enough bites you can handle them.

For me I could not just go to those places through myself though I have tried and tried. And I cannot go to those same ones over and over as if I am used to them I get too comfortable and intrusive thoughts can creep in. So for me I normally listen to several recordings of being taken there. From being a tree, a bird, in a desert oasis, to beach, dragon fly, igloo, lost civilization... And more. Just have to change it up. When I am having better days I can just listen to music and imagine, but still it is very hard for me to do it in silence.

Also, I have learned since I am hard of hearing in one ear since I use recordings I have a hard time seeing on that side when I try to "see" things. Just something to keep in mind.

If you would like the site I get most from is meditainment.com. There is a guy named brian david philips or Phillips (I think spelled right) who has free MP3s. His are no where as good as the others but it may give you an idea if recordings will help you. He does have some interesting ones.

Good luck.

Hi Veiled
I hadn't thought about remembering in silence vs. having sounds. I have actually spent so many years avoiding remembering that the idea of remembering on purpose is very stressful!

I don't think I will be working on remembering when I am actually in the safe place that I develop - or else it won't be safe for me anymore. Is that how other people do this?

Thanks for the ideas
StillSad

I have a few safe places, the desert in Australia, the beach where I grew up, and being at sea, but the safest place of all for me is the meeting room where I had my councelling for the past three years, I have a photo of it on my computer. It was a really calming place yet I went to hell and back in there. I close my eyes and picture the layout of the room and how its decorated and what pictures are on the walls. Sometimes I picture my phycologist talking gently to me and reassuring me. Best of luck, you will get there but its a long and slow road, be patient with yourself.

I had to do 'a safe place' for visualization in counseling years ago. My counselor wanted me to be able to hand over myself as a little kid to someone for safe watching while I was an adult. For me, that was my best friend. I have watched her take care of her kids and other kids with loving kindness for 20 years now. So, I would in my mind let my best friend watch myself as a child while I went out and did adult things. It helped. Her house was a safe place for little kids. It was often for me too.

Is there someone you know who you feel safe around?

hi my councler helped me find a cabin with a fireplace and a handmade rug with a cat
and I'm the only on there well the younger version of me and I can vist her when ever I want to or need to.
so being the only one in your safe place is okay someday you'll feel okay to let other in .
at least thats what my councler says. right now it's me and my animals.
sally