something i have been thinking on which is bugging the heck out of me as i cant find a reason for it, or see where it came from so thought i would see if anybody had any thoughts on it,
im very good at what i do and am more than capable in most fields i work in always have been, but when it comes to assesment, of writing work, of meeting a deadline with stuff that is to be assesed there seems to come a mental block, i seem to find myself doing anything except what needs doing evem though im more than capable of doing it, seems i cant do work for assesment unless i force myself to, currently im avoiding finishing an assessed piece of work due in the morning, i will finish it eventually,i know the material i can easily write it up, i have the references and resources but something in me just seems to go and my brain stops working and i suddenly find a distraction anywhere but on what im supposed to be doing,
it seems the more important a piece is the less i am able to sit and do it. it seems theres something in me which turns the brain off and makes me feel inaction and distraction.
have a few thoughts on this myself such as some subconcious thing from years ago about mucking up or something , any thoughts?

For me, thinking about a project that needs to be done is always worse than actually doing it. If I can be satisfied with doing it in small, manageable steps, I can do the project.

Thinking about doing something that will be graded or assessed in some way makes me very nervous. I want perfection, nothing less. But this focus on perfection can lead to paralysis, and keep me from enjoying other things in life.

Oh I am exactly the same!! I think for me it is the pressure of a deadline and assessment, and having to perform on a particular day that takes away the fun and adds stress and pressure... I'm very similar to AmazonBelle in perfectionism too...

For me, the hardest part of just about any project is actually pushing myself to start it. Once I get going, I'm usually fine and the project gets done. It's that first step that's always the hardest to take...no matter what I'm doing. I'm not sure why that is, either. This is a new thing for me (read:post-PTSD) and I'm still trying to figure it out.

Lisa

I am the worst at this. I'm completely capable, yet avoid, avoid, avoid. Procrastinate. It's a vicious circle because then my anxiety builds at not having done a task. Then I feel depressed about it.

But once I 'just do it' I'm usually okay.

It may help to do a technique where if you have a project break into parts. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. Then you spend 10 minutes on Part One, 20 minutes Part Two, 5 minutes Part 3, and back to Part one. The time blocks can be whatever you want. But sometimes spending only a short time on something you are avoiding, taking a break to do something else, can see it getting done (the hardest part is starting).

My GP says work can be hard and I procastinate simply because my body is already full up with processing emotional stuff. I guess it comes back to the PTSD Cup. It's a way of avoiding overflow.

My problem with starting any project is the fact it will be judged and I might fail. I have a HUGE problem with anyone questioning my intelligence. By someone grading or rating or judging my work, I take that as questioning my intelligence and I'm off and running.

I yell and cry and get my feelings hurt. I get embarrassed and run out of the room. I simply turn into an emotional puddle

So, therefore, I will do anything to put off a project that will be judged

procrastination, theres an old phrase which says why put off til tomorrow what you can put off til next week, i suspect theres something in me which doesnt like being assessed marked and criticised, which is what happens when work gets assessed, so a combination of procrastination and not wanting to be assesed,so brain turns off and other things come to mind, but there is something strange with my memory, things i know inside and out suddenly become fluffy vague things, brain turns off and things sit there taunting me just out of reach, its a pain in the bum at times when you know something well and you cant remember what it is but have a shape there which tells you what it is about, sometimes my memory just doesnt work, i forget words sometimes for no reason, its quite embarressing pulling up on a motorbike, then talking to someone and forgetting the word motorbike! it makes talking about such things most difficult, brain turns of at inconvenient times, and seems to enjoy doing so when i have work to do, will figure it out someday

Hi
Just wanted to ask Amazonbelle and Lisa if they were writing about themselves or me lol. Often not being able to get started on things I need to get done gives me a panick attack.

Also Madjon I am with you on the forgetting the word thing. I am English through and through. English was my first language and i am a literate person. I speak fluent German and Spanish too (only thing I was ever any good at). Sometimes I can remember the foreign word or phrase but not be able to express it in English! How bizarre is that. Sometimes I just dont remember the word at all. "Thingy" is my favouriute word lol.

I have big problems with memory. Not just words - times, dates, things I have to do, the order in which things happened to name just a few. I have found that, in that respect, writing things down helps. But then i forget where i wrote the information down lol. Doesnt work for the remembering the words problem though.