I usually start to run, (get in my truck and start the engine) then suddenly, sadly realize that I've no place left to go... That is the pathetic truth of it.

I have a place to go - but it's over a thousand miles away and buried in snow right now. It's my happy place and it's not set up for year round living. I'm not even sure if it would be my safe haven if I were there year-round. The best I can do is spend the summers there.

There is no well, no running water, no septic system, no power, no heat and no air. It's as raw as the land was when the indians roamed free. It's my sanctuary, my own private campground just for me.

We all need a safe place in the physical world or in a mindscape.

I have learned to run as a safety valve. Before during my many trauma's it was survival - today it is time and distance to gain perspective or try to center myself.

I have a series of places to go, a day retreat (2hr drive to a stream in Vermont in a National Forest); a local state park (5 min. away - another stream); Multiple days - I go for Ocean and Beach: warm or cold.

Night time can be harder to get out - I have the woods behind my house, I actually have place a chair there about a hundred yards from my back door :). Car ride to anywhere with soothing music.

When I wake with severe panic and anxiety sometimes the only thing I want and need is to go outside and breathe, seeing the sky tells me I'm free and I'm here - not where my head is.

My mindscapes; snorkelling in the Caribbean, Sitting on a hot ocean beach, are used to release me anytime, anywhere. Whenever I am imploding in a stressful setting (for me) I try to regain composure by drifting off into the ocean setting which has a deep restorative meaning to me. I consciously have to use this to 1. get to the dentist, 2. stay at the dentist, 3. manage my sheer panic throughout the dentist visit. (And this is with sedatives :()

I don't look at this as running away or denying but a management tool for all occasions.

um, a huge yes from me. I always run, I've been running since I was 15. I've run half way across the country and back. God, that is all I do is run.

Second that.........I run to other jobs a lot. Of course, I was being abused, so that made sense.
At home, when I'm upset with a 'mate' I get in the car and drive somewhere green. I always feel calmer in the green.

Of course, my ultimate run scenario is an attempt. That's always what I have on my mind. Just blend my molecules into the green...........my place of heaven

It's funny, when I hear about adult missing persons - say 25 -60, I always wonder if they did what has always run through my mind. Just leave work some day and keep driving until I reach the Pacific Ocean and a warm sunny place of refuge. Get a job and watch the sunset everyday from the beach. It's great to think about but what would I lose?

Running (driving)... right after I left my X and was on my own with 4 kids. If I felt the least bit afraid. I'd pack them in the car with blankets and pillows and drive for hours. Sometimes sitting in parking lots in the middle of the night. I can't count the times I've put myself in dangerous places. When I would have bad dreams about what happened. I would wake up terrified. Sometimes I wouldn't even get dressed. Just hop in the car in my jammies and drive as far and as fast as I could to anywhere. Well now running has me on the "get one more ticket" and you're not driving anywhere list. I've slowed down. But still occassionally run. I don't know about ya'll but when I'm like that. I'm just functional enough to drive, I'm there but not. I just feel that when I'm going fast and in the middle of nowhere I feel safe. No one and nothing can hurt me. I've made a conscience effort to stop. Like tonight. I want to disappear. The biggest thing that keeps me from running... my kids, my boyfriend. They keep me grounded. When their not around; or if I'm really having a "moment". Well it's to the bat mobile robin.

I HATE arguing and tension and all that stuff so as soon as something like that starts I start heading towards the door. This is tough because while I know I am just going off to calm down, my husband sometimes sees it as an act of war. =p To me it is a "time out" and to him, nothing better than the silent treatment. So I fight the urge and try not to go... and if I do he tries harder to just let me go. Its a work in progress.

I felt like running the first 3 or 4 years & I still believe I would have been better off leaving this state & going to the desert at times.

Heh, I 'always' ran and thought it was normal. Wow. And, like someone else said, I often found driving around or even just being in the car was calming for me. I thought I was just hyper-sensitive.

I could look around and see that not everyone ran when they felt abused. But then I would 'remind' myself of my 'sensitivity'. Hehe, there is more looping around that goes out from here but I know now that these are just rationalization and that I don't have to leave at all. Of course when the anxiety/pain is great enough sometimes the only thing I can do is just sit still. It's probably better than running off, though.