Hi Jon
I'm afraid that I have already tried that and he shot the idea right out of the sky. He doesnt want to try the info section or the carers section. I was gutted about that - not because he said no but because of what he said about ptsd. Thats why I dont think I can talk to him. Its going to take too much guts that I havent got to try that again. I think I need to give him time to get used to the idea that PTSD wont just go away that easly.

well it was worth mentioning, hope things go well with you, and he comes round at some point, some people try to hold on to things which arent there such as a belief things go away if you dont acknowledge them, anyways i hope things go well with you and you can both move on from this point of lack of acknowledgement soon,

After our last fight about sex, I was looking for a book to buy her about PTSD. She called me the next day and said that she went out and purchased PTSD for Dummies. I know there are other suggestions in the book thread by Anthony. Perhaps you could encourage him to educate himself in another way. A website with people with issues he doesn't understand may be a little too daunting for him.
My girlfriends attitude has changed some since she started reading the book.

Hi mightsurvive... This is my first post.

Your name is very insightful about your current state of mind. The irony is, of course, that you already have survived. It's tempting to see PTSD and the trauma event as different, but really they are all one and the same.

However, holding this awareness still doesn't make it just go away. I think it can take a long time for that part of our "brain" to get and accept that message. In fact, to me it feels as if I am having to use the higher-functioning parts of the brain to plant and nurture that seed of truth in the lower-functioning part. I believe this is the polar opposite of how our brains and survival-intelligence (and all of us has very strong survival intelligence; after all you are reading this) are designed to work in normal circumstances. This simply takes time and an insane amount of effort but I believe it is doable. If I didn't I would have killed myself (and I think most people reading this will know exactly what I'm talking about). In fact, I have already seen amazing progress even if a large part of me wants more.

All I can really say is that I'm sorry he is so dismissive. It is very hard for someone who hasn't experienced this to understand. It might be impossible. However, understand or not, at seems as if his lack of acceptance of your experience is damaging to you and possibly a trigger. Unfortunately he can be the only one to investigate where that comes from. Probably the best thing you can do is explain how important it is that he respects your experiences even if he doesn't understand them. Conversely, it is also equally important that you accept his experiences as his reality.

Both my wife and myself are dealing with PTSD currently. It's been a long hard road for both of us. It is most helpful, if both of you are willing, to seek a couples therapist that has a fair amount of experience in dealing with trauma patients. However, this means that both of you will need to work on issues both independently as well as together. The reality is that you are already doing this but probably not in the most healthiest of ways. This is where a therapist is a massive asset.

I hope this helps. Writing this really helps me keep my eyes open and look more objectively at my situation.

Hang in there. The bad stuff will work itself through. It takes patience with yourself and acceptance of yourself but the good minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years will come in time. As hard as this has been for me, it has been helpful to think of it as nothing more than a growing process. Uncomfortable for sure but I *know* I'll come out of this a stronger person. In many ways my pain is a gift to even have in the first place--I could be dead. I'm thankful I'm not even if it means I have to suffer through some crap.

Life (or perhaps some higher force) as taught me that suffering comes from within, that it is always temporary and it is a necessary component of our humanity and perhaps even life itself. I had this realization when I was on the verge of committing suicide. It was, quite honestly, my first step on this long journey of healing.

Hiya WorkingThroughIt

Thank you for the book suggestion. I'm going to buy it for myself and leave it lying around. If it doesnt help him to come to terms with it and find out something about PTSD then I'm sure that there will be some useful stuff in there for me. Maybe he'll pick it up and take a look. If not then I'll drop a few hints lol.

I'm so glad that the book has helped you and your girlfiend and hope it continues to make things easier for you both. It must be such a relief to know that shes taking an interest.

Take care

Theres a book called Healing Sex which may help. Ok, so it hasn't helped me, YET, but I'm hopeful!

nic