Well, after the last two miserable days of feeling depressed and lonely (I, myself am suffering with depression, but it is hugely controlled with Effexor...not to mention, I have NO real friends here), I decided that moving back 'home' to the southeast may be the answer - not necessarily moving in with him.

So, I called him today to tell him the good news - I'm thinking of moving back! He seems completely unaffected. Not to mention, he said nothing like, 'hey, why not move in with me?'. So I asked him what he thought about it. He said 'good, but you're just thinking about it...i think about alot of things...'. I was like, 'umm ok'. I tried not to be hurt, but could only feel my heart break. I was torn between saving face and ending the call, but my curiousity wouldn't let me. I kept thinking that if I stayed on the call a little longer, I might gain some insight into his response and might not be so hurt. He did say that he couldn't talk about anything really serious because he only got like 3 hrs of sleep last night. I tried to understand but couldn't - I mean, I understand how a lack of sleep could affect your mood - but that seems a little extreme.

I finally ended the call. Then my fingers got the best of me - I texted him. Feeling like a fool and just wishing to erase the whole thing, I said, "Just forget all that stuff I said about moving. Bad day, I guess". He replied, "Ur starting to change how I think about you". I asked what he meant. He said that I was acting crazy - saying one thing and then another. I told him I was just homesick and hated to think of ms. strong me being lonely up here, and that I hoped for a different response. He said he was happy, that he guessed I didn't hear it. I then told him I missed him. He then got pissed. Said I was doing it again - one minute sending him an 'f u' message, the next, saying that I missed him. I tried to explain, but he never responded. I called, but he never answered.

I feel like an idiot. I've been sooo incredibly emotional lately because I've just been feeling lonely. All of my friends are back down south, and I'm here. And I just want to be told something nice. And he doesn't even do that anymore. It all makes me wonder what I'm doing anywhere...

I can deal with just about anything. I have. But, it hurts to feel rejected by the one person I really want to feel love from the most. And, I can't just walk away. I can't. I've tried. So, in the meantime, I have to somehow ride out this lonely place where kindness and love should be.

I am sorry for your pain blueeyedgirl and the struggle you are going through.

As much as I don't want to cause you further pain I feel I should point out you are making most of the effort in what seems to be a one-sided relationship. Being a female I can relate to what you must be experiencing and the emotional roller-coster ride you seem to be on. The best advice I can offer you at this stage is do not make contact with this man and see what he does. I am aware that a situation where you are texting and ringing with no reply is usually a good indicator to back off and give him some space. While I understand what you have written about what you did it could possibly come across as if you are all over the place emotionally and some men don't do well with that.

Please take care.

Blueyedgirl, I must agree with Nicolette. From what you described in your last post he does not seem very interested. Now whether that has something to do with his PTSD being largely untreated or it is simply him, it is difficult to say, however does it really matter? I would most definitely not make any decisions or sacrifices regarding him at this time. If you wish to move back, do so because wish to be with all your friends, however not because of him! I agree with Nicolette that backing off to see what happens is likely best. Take good care.

I can certainly see how this would appear to on-lookers (as him being disinterested) and truly value the advice.

Later in the evening, he called me back - as if everything was perfect; even had an excitement to his voice. Naturally, I just chose to roll with it, and not bring up whatever weirdness had happened earlier. I again reiterated my decision to move back (just to make sure he knew I wasn't flip flopping) based on missing those closest to me, period; and that I was really excited about it. He seemed the same.

I asked how his meds were going and he opened up...alot. And, somehow, I did, too. I told him of how I'd been struggling with my own depression this week. He said that it was strange for him to hear me talk like that - to basically echo his feelings of doom sometimes. I even heard him sniffle a bit! Shortly after, the subject turned lighter, but it was with some sense of appreciation for each other. I think I've been so wrapped up in trying to be this stable, perfect person that it's begun to frustrate him - he can't relate - and me - I can't keep up with my own facade. Most people would never know (from meeting me) that I have a difficult time even wanting to wake up some days. I finally shared it with a man in my life - aside from a doctor - and it seems to have made things better.

I just hope it all stays good for a while...

Doing the long distance thing with someone with PTSD is not the easy. Think very carefully about if you want this in your life. Things will not improve over night.

To me, this comment says it all! Is that what you want to settle for?

i am only new here, but not new to the dating era. I don't know if the PTSD has anything to do with his personality. He verymuch seems to play to your emotions, if you get upset, then he waits, calls, and makes you feel better, so they you call , he don't return them, you get upset, he waits, calls, ..... do you see the routine. i only say this because i have been the 'third party' in many of my sister and my mothers relationships. just watching from the 'outside', seeing what emotional rollercoaster they are on, and when i say something, it comes out as 'i am the bad guy'.

i hope that he gets his therapy, but first, think of yourself. you have to fix yourself before you can help him. I would start going to a local crafting session, or scrapbooking, something you really like. I am sure that there things in your area that you like. OR try something totally new!! if you never gardened, get a potted garden that sits on a window seal! it is quite amazing to see those little things grow!!

i really hope i haven't offended you, but i want you to realize that you are more important right now, take care of yourself first. Then you can help him.

Pastrychef - You spoke as though you knew us. You're right - our relationship has had a long history of doing that push/pull. And he does seem to find some kind of enjoyment out of provoking my emotions. Although, he'd deny it.

Just the other day, when he called (he's been distant for going on a month now) and he said that he knew I was mad at him for having not called latley. I just said that I've been very busy (I go to school part time and work full time). It was as if he wanted me to be upset with him.

Anyway, in the course of the conversation, he tells me that he's been taking steroids to get more muscle. Said he's been doing it for about a month. I try not to freak (though I am on the inside!) and ask him why he'd want to do that. He explained that he's only doing it for himself, that he's hit a plateau physically, and wants to get over that, that he'll only be doing it for 12 weeks. I'm still extremely concerned, I tell him. He then tells me that he's only joking, he hasn't started yet, but that he is going to start doing them, and not to worry - that his other friends have had no side effects. If he has been doing them, than that could explain the change in him. But in my mind, I can only image that wrestler, Chris Benoit, who killed his wife, son and himself because of 'roid rage'. No doubt the presence of anti depressants and anti anxiety in his body only triggered something for him to come unhinged like that. In this same conversation, he'd also told me that that morning he'd called in late to work because he was suffering from a late night out with friends the night before. This is the third time his called in within a month! But, he seems to not even notice or care. Thinks its ok, I suppose.

Well, I'd had bought myself half of a ticket the other day to visit him for v-day (told him that he could by the other half, but he said he didn't have the money, so if I could pay for it, he'd pay me back. I wasn't thrilled at all, but silently agreed). I haven't been able to find another decently priced one-way, so I msged him the next day telling him that I don't think that the visit will work out. He barely responds to that. I question what he means, and he doesn't reply. Doesn't even seemed concerned that I'm not coming.

After not hearing from him later that night, I msg him again telling him that this feels like its turn into games with him. He replies, "if you say so". I told him that he hasn't told me for weeks now how he feels, so how am I supposed to feel about that? He doesn't reply. That was Friday night. It's Sunday. Somehow I don't expect to hear from him until tomorrow or Tuesday. I feel like he's waiting me out.

My question in all this is: Is this anything remotely closed to behavior associated with ptsd? Or is he just being a game playing ass? In the beginning he tried to assure me that he was not about games, that he knew what he wanted, and he wanted me. Now it just seems to be the fartherest from the truth...

Short answer? Sounds like he's playing games to me. PTSD isn't an excuse for poor behaviour on his part. Just my opinion though.

I agree...sounds like head games to me.