Nostalgia can play some awful tricks on us when it comes to wanting love and wanting to be loved. What he used to be like and what he is capable of being like and what he is actually like appear to be particularly divorced from one another. Don't do that lame woman thing we all do - "Oh but he used to be so sweet, we used to be great" Wise up, it's past tense, full stop.

You really need to give your life where you are a good shot. stop worrying about him, he's being a game playing prick. PTSD or not, the way he is behaving is just pain immature and attention/pity seeking.You really need to concentrate on your own life. Start looking after yourself, wallowing in the possibilities of what could have been will leave you emotionally paralysed, it's not worth it. Look after yourself, to be blunt -- Get your own life and start to enjoy it. Sounds like you have a great job there, you're still quite young and there are endless possibilities there, start a yoga class, photography class, a sport, anything to get your mind off him and meet new people in this new lease on life you have.

Pay reverence to what Nicolette above me mentioned, you only get one chance at this thing called life and its up to you to enjoy it for all it's worth. There is a better man out there for you, there really really is. Now concentrate on your life there, I bet you really have not given it a proper shot because you have been so caught up in your boyfriends selfish manipulative world. he's no good for you or anyone right now. Don't wait in hope, do something about yourself, you're worth more than this crap.

As Beth Orton so eloquently put it in her song Comfort of Strangers:

"I'd rather have no love than messing with the wrong stuff".

Nuff said.

Good and valid points Samsara. I agree with a lot of what you have written.

Personally though, the one differring thought I do have is that I believe "it is better to have loved than not loved at all"....giving and receiving love is a wonderful thing. I do not however encourage staying in a relationship where you are not treated with respect nor have any of your needs met. If someone truely loved you they would not treat you like a doormat unless they have a really warped way of showing it.

Well I did it!

I sent him an email telling him to go to therapy. Told him that he didn't need a relationship. Told him that he needs ... well heck, I'm so proud of myself....here it is!

"I'd call, but I honestly don't feel like it. This is really more than you deserve from me. So, let's call this closure.

Am I still moving down? Does it matter? I asked, but of course you chose not to respond.

You: Said you wanted to try again. Said nice things. Things that made me smile. Little by little, you stopped saying those nice things. Until you did stop. Only to respond to a concern for your well-being weeks later. Weeks way too late for me. Go to therapy. Medication alone is not a solution. Learn to like yourself. Learn to like others. Learn to stop being angry. Learn to be happy alone. Learn to give more than you take. Maybe then, you will be ready for anything close to what a relationship requires. Because, in the world of adult relationships, open communication, giving and compromise are necessities.

I'm sure the very thought of doing the things said above will make you want to do the opposite. But, just know that your unhappiness is ultimately your responsibility."

Thanks to you all for giving me the strength to say these things!!

Well done Blueeyedgirl in making a decision. While you now have said your peace, it is important that you follow through and look after yourself. If it is closure, then take the time to find it for yourself and move on...if that is what you truly want.

Take care.

i have to admit - it *is* closure for me...as long as it's closure for him. meaning, there is part of me that is waiting for him to come back around. i wish that there wasn't. but, because it's been 2 yrs of back and forth, part of me wonders if it really is over... and, if he really does love me, wouldn't he fight to keep me? or is the ptsd too strong? ugh, i dunno...

...not to mention, i just got laid off, so now i'm moving back to georgia in three weeks and only hrs away from him by car. i've not told him.

THAT.IS.AMAZING!

I got all choked up with pride for you. You must feel like you've taken your self respect back, I bet it feels strong!.

That is excellent. Don't let him manipulate that either. He may do it with silence or words. Just be sure of your decision and move on into your life there. Sounds like you have some great opportunities you need to explore.

WELL DONE! xxxxx

PS> You don't need to tell him you are moving back. It's of no concern to him.
concentrate on yourself. Are you sure you need to move back? It's a big deal and very unsettling if unnecessary. Maybe you could find another job there?
Or go to a city you have never been to and always wanted to, Have a new adventure, start afresh?
The last two years may have been about him. Now it's time to stop him dictating what and where you go. It's your life now, enjoy it and nourish your spirit.

Wow, you sound as if you know exactly what I've been feeling! Because, yes, I have to admit, the past two years since I've been here in Boston...well, they have largely been about him. So much so, that I've been unable to truly find a life for myself here. But, I also cannot deny that acclimating here has been extremely hard. I'm a Southern girl. That may not mean much to you in Australia, but consider moving to some place in northern Europe! Very cold, very different, and you don't know a soul. Not only that, but no one really cares to know you. That's been my life for two years!

I'm not close to my family, but I do have a few extremely good friends in Georgia. They are my family. So, I'm going back there. Actually, a girlfriend of mine is actually willing to break her lease just to get a place with me!

My moving has nothing to do with him. Although, I cannot help but think about how/if things would change once the distance is gone. But, that's really moot at this point...because he DOES need therapy. And, thank you for your words of encouragement! I simply couldn't wait for another month or so until I hear from him again to tell him what is so obvious. I just hope he listens...

Thank you again! :)

Good for you, to look after yourself. PTSD does not have to mean a complete unavailability to a relationship, as it has with him. From your descriptions, I think he has more problems than "just" PTSD. I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice, though. Do not move near him. Do not seek out his haunts. Do not feed and nourish that part of you which hopes to rekindle anything with him. Instead, understand that you will grieve the loss of the relationship, even though it hasn't been happy and healthy for a long while. Give yourself some time to grieve, and time to heal. Don't launch into another relationship, but be open to casual dating. Get out and do things you really enjoy. Pursue hobbies. Get involved in groups that promote those hobbies. Meet interesting people of all ages, for friendship and camaraderie, not romance. Nurture yourself. Best wishes! Cowgirl

Could not have said it better myself cowgirl! The best advice on here.