You know I really do like it when he rubs my back or strokes my hair. It's the sex touch that freaks me out.
Sometimes it doesn't bother me to do the touching (I prefer it instead of being touched). I think what Don said makes a whole lot of sense. It's a neutral event, mildly bothersome that is a self sacrifice. It doesn't seem to be causing me mental harm and I don't have nightmares about it. Very insightful!
On the days where I absolutely feel I can't participate then I don't. So I guess I will be OK with what I'm doing until I figure out a way to heal. Then maybe I can actually enjoy it.
Thanks for everyone's input. This was a touchy subject for me (No pun intended) LOL I feel much better now and don't feel I'm making things worse for myself.
Tammy | 
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