Recently my counselor was out on sick leave and I had some very important issues come up about my earliest traumas. There was a therapist on call so I set up an appointment.

Well, so far I've had two appointments with her and I feel like I've done more work in those appointments than I have the whole time I've been seeing my counselor. I have one more appointment with her then it's back to my regular counselor. The problem is, I don't want to go back to the way things were. I want to work through some of my issues, BUT... I don't want to hurt my counselors feelings by telling her this.

I know that it's my recovery on the line but, I just don't have the courage or heart to tell my counselor the truth. what the hell am I supposed to do about this? It's very frustrating and I feel like I'm gonna sacrifice myself in this situation. HELP!

They are not created equal.... far from it actually... just like doctors, same rules apply. The thought that many counsellors and doctors just scrape by their results to be qualified should say enough.... then you have those theoretical junkies, smart as hell with theory but dumb as dog shit with practical or commonsense requirements. Try and find the middle of the range IMHO, they tend to be the best, smart, level headed, commonsense, practicable solutions.

Hi Morgan. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest. At the end of the day, you have to ultimately do what is best for yourself. I am sure your first counsellor would want nothing more for you to heal and if that means you need to go to someone else, well, that is what is right for you. She would also be touched that you are considering her feelings.

You can look at it a different way if it helps. Technically, in a business sense, you are employing your counsellor to assist you with your healing. If you can get someone to do the same thing for you, for the same amount of money, at the same place and get a better result, well, no one would blame you for choosing to continue seeing the other counsellor.

Another way of looking at this is also like looking at a relationship. Two really nice people could be dating and get on pretty well but things aren't progressing at a rate that both parties are happy with. This couple then breaks up and one of the people meets someone else and starts dating them. In the second relationship both people are really nice too but there is some chemistry there and everything feels so much easier, natural and both people are heading in the same direction at a similar rate.

Food for thought Morgan. I hope you make the decision which is best for you.

Morgan,

If you truly feel that the new therapist is helping you so much more then you have the obligation to yourself and your healing to do what is right for you. A good therapist wants what is best too, and hopefully she would see this if you explained it her her. I too hope that you choose the right decision.....

If you feel more comfortable with counselor #2 and find it easier to express yourself why not go that route. Sometimes I think it is more a matter of personality and approach than competency. I had one counselor who wore a white lab coat to our sessions. I kept wondering if he was going to take some of my blood. He seemed to me to be very full of himself and I just couldn't talk to him because I felt like I was being judged. I think it is a little like dating in that there needs to be a chemistry that can't be easily identified or explained.

Morgan, I suggest before you decide anything, you first broach this topic with both counsellors (the new one on your third / last session, and, the regular one when you return). Your perspective might be off, or, it might be precisely correct. You're in a counselling setting, so I figure it's appropriate to get their input to add to your own viewpoint. [Surely they share their notes, so they'd each see if there's an important aspect that needs to be considered for this type of issue, which counsellor is better situated to help you.]

Their first objective is or should be your health and being cured as best they can manage that, regardless of who actually does it, right? (surely they don't work on "commission" and would 'lose' if you switched counsellors -- but I see your point, you're worried about their 'feelings' about one maybe feeling 'rejected' by you)

This is surely not the first time this topic has come up amongst the counsellors as counselling is a very personal, individualistic process. Some people 'click' way better with us, than others. It doesn't mean they're better or worse at counselling as a profession, it could simply be as individuals that one or the other is simply a better "fit".

Now, on the other hand, what might be at work here is something else entirely. For example, suppose your regular counsellor was making progress, but you were getting uncomfortable (often a consequence of 'making progress'), and the replacement counsellor wasn't tackling the sensitive yet necessary issues with quite the same diligence.

As a patient, if this were happening you might feel way more comfortable and at ease with the replacement counsellor, but, you're there for therapy not an easy, relaxed time, so maybe that's just not so great. This type of side issue imo, is why it might be invaluable to get their input first, before you firm up your decision about wanting a change.

Don

ps. Your regular counsellor might be readily able to follow the replacement counsellor's approach, if it turns out that rescheduling just isn't going to happen, which is another reason not to be shy about expressing a preferrence for the method (if not the counsellor) being used when your regular counsellor's away.

Thanx for the replies everyone. you are all giving me the strength to do what I need to do. I believe I will discuss it with both and go from there. I must admit though, that the very idea scares the hell out of me. So, I will muster up all my courage and talk, talk, talk.

Don,
I don't feel like I've made any progress with my regular counselor. It's like we've just been chatting not working toward my recovery. It was nice to have someone to talk to and she's a very nice person but, that's not what I "need" right now. I need to work through my traumas and pick up where I left off at the hospital back in June '07. Too much time has already passed.

I will say this... I have already requested this of my current counselor and she agreed so I'm thinkin' maybe I should give her a chance first... I don't know... That's why I've decided to talk to them. It's the only way to work things out.

Just like you wouldn't go to a foot doctor for a eye problem, don't go to a therapist that does not understand your issues. If there is even a possibility that the therapist of old is insulted, that is that person's problem and not yours at all.!!!

See if you can't work with this new person, it sounds like wonderful things are going on, you can only make your choices, I would choose the new one.

Donna-Lynne

Morgan...
When it comes to therapy, you have to remember why you are there. Therapists do not take it personally when you choose to go to another one. If you've found one that works better for you, then you need to move on to the new therapist. I think as long as you feel like you're getting somthing out of therapy, then you're good to go, if not. You need to start looking around. I recently started seeing an additional counselor. At first I thought my first counselor was upset and chose to talk openly with him. I told him the reason for seeking the secondary counselor was because of his short coming in the area of the military culture. He negated me in that part of my therapy and I felt I needed to talk about it and didn't feel like that portion of my therapy was beeing addressed. He was suprisingly open and honest with me, agreed. It was awkward at first, but I've managed okay and my therapy has started to really help. For me, I use a combination of two and have found it to work well. It also gave me two resources to go to in case of an emergency. If you have gotten farther in the few sessions with the other therapist, explain to your original therapist why. It will help him to better treat other patients, will help your relationship in therapy and you may find that he may chance or modify how your therapy goes. Until I started taking a more active role in my therapy, I don't think my therapy was going very well. Hang in there and take the step toward recovery... it will always lead you in the right direction.