I am about to turn 40, and after a recent major depressive episode, which I have experienced every several months since I was a child, I have been diagnosed as bipolar II and PTSD.

It's only been three weeks since I was released from a hospital psych unit. I am a teacher. In my first few minutes on this site, I started feeling less alone. I always thought I was uniquely broken, singularly cursed.

I have a lot to learn.

Shoshin

Hi Shoshin, welcome to the forum... your not alone here....

I say to docs, hey my brain is broken and I like it that way just fine. I mean that I know this will never fully go away, and I don't want them to say things that could give others false hope, it would fall on deaf ears if they tried with me.
I call psych units my camp or my resort club. I have been to many and finally know when it is needed and when it is not. Big break for me getting to that point.
I do not feel guilty or embarrassed about going into a psych unit nor discussing it as one would discuss what they had for lunch.
This is my life, if others can't handle what my life consisted of, I don't need to know about their spoiled, got everything they wanted and appreciate nothing selves.
My world is beautiful, I only let the real in,,,,,,,,,,,welcome

Welcome and you are not alone....

Thanks for the kind welcome. This site is a great service. I will be returning often, and look forward to learning from others. I don't ever want to go through again what I have experienced over the last few months, some of the worst in my life...

It is pretty scary to think that I am going to need to change my way of thinking, protecting myself, coping...I am getting to be an old dog, and these are pretty big new tricks. I feel like I have a good therapist, though, and I have a supportive family...I am lucky. And I managed not to lose my job even though I was at rock bottom. The flu and some holiday time provided good cover...

Now the hard work begins. I feel like I am living in a new country, a different culture, and am just learning the language.

Welcome Shoshin, I hope you find what you need here. I too am bipolar and PTSD. you are not alone.
Take care, Morgan

Morgan,

Which do you find is a bigger challenge, the bipolar or the PTSD? I don't know if that's even a fair or legitimate question, but I am already feeling like my bipolar II is less of an issue for me than the PTSD...Maybe it is unique for each person?

Shoshin

Shoshin:

I collapsed when I was 40 and felt old and tired too. Beside that, coming home from the psych floor of the hospital is enough to make anyone feel 80 years old. I find it to be more severe than major abdominal surgery. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

I also was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Now I believe that the diagnosis was an honest but misguided attempt to understand the emotional turmoil and out-of-control anxieties of what has turned out to be a particular form of PTSD. Maybe this is so for you, who knows? But either way, I think you are exactly right to focus on PTSD now. Therapy for PTSD will relieve the bipolar symptoms, but therapy adapted for the bipolar person will not do much for PTSD.

I took medications to help the emotional turmoil, which is essentially what there is available for bipolar, yet. Some of them helped to get me through the worst of it--for those times when it was utterly beyond me to manage anything.

Hang in there. Every day that you get through is a major accomplishment and things do eventually get better.

Sincerely,
Pat

Bipolar is the typical stuff-up diagnosis when they don't want to diagnose PTSD. If you have PTSD it is very very rare that you actually do have Bipolar with it. 99.9% of physicians screw that diagnosis when PTSD is involved. If you had Bipolar before trauma, yes; otherwise, not likely. It would only be PTSD that is the issue. That is just a very typical diagnostic stuff-up.

Pat, thank you for your encouragement. I really do feel right now like every day is an accomplishment. I've moved out of my house and am house-sitting in the country just trying to get my nerves back in shape. My wife is worried, of course, but I just need the quiet. Talking about old traumas with my psychologist has had me on edge...

Anthony, I don't know. I was hospitalized 20 years ago and they thought I was bipolar I, since bipolar II was not a diagnosis at that time. While I have been skeptical about the recent bipolar II diagnosis, I really did have a hypomanic episode that lasted through November of 2007, complete with most of the classic symptoms. It was fantastic, and I miss it. I was tuned in to the love in the world, I had synesthetic experiences with art and music, and I indulged in all kinds of high-energy, grandiose activities and thoughts. I was on fire. But I have also been on a cycle of major depression every several months or so since I was quite young. I think I may actually be one of those rare cases...My psychiatrist, one of the best in town, is convinced of it...

I am working on the PTSD right now, since it seems to have shaped my behavior and thinking so damn much...I feel so disoriented. I had a system for dealing with my pain, and while it was not great or even entirely successful, it was all I knew. And now everything is changing, turning upside-down, challenging my sense of reality and self.

I am trying really hard each day not to run away, not to want to hurt myself...