I think relationships in general are difficult. I have managed to continue one friendship since high school (12 yrs ago). She had ongoing abuse as a child and also suffers from PTSD. I identify as a lesbian but don't find that my intimacy issues are much better with women. I had a relationship with a man and it was the same story.

Hiya

I am married and love my husband but I am 100% certain that if I wasnt with him I wouldnt even look at another guy again. I'm just lucky that I married my hubby before my amnesia dissappeared. I cant stand to look most men in the eyes sometimes. so although I do have a relation ship I understand where you are all coming from.

I find relationships hard too. I was just talking to someone last year, and I could not handle it. It was not serious, but it stressed me out so much that I could not stand talking to him. I felt numb, I did not trust anything he said, I always thought he was playing games, and it drove me crazy.

You know what, despite the abuse and despite some of the despicable men who are out there.............don't forget that it does not make you lesser a woman if you don't have a man in your life, if you choose to be celibate or if you are still a virgin. I think women, due to pressures from society, often get caught up trying to value themselves by their relationship status. You are all beautiful women and I feel for you for the suffering you have experienced from men.

Nicolette,

You are so correct on that. I know that I may never find love again and I'm okay with that. I certainly don't have a sense of urgency. On the other hand I don't want to deny the possibility and isolate myself socially. Who knows? I could be cheating myself if I do that. In my case it's also taking the easy way out - not having the courage to heal the trauma, face my fears, and embrace life to the fullest.

Ruddy

I think somewhere in my brain I want abusive men in my life. At least that's what I have always ended up with. Jerks, abusive, liars, or just plain creeps. Could be I just pick the jerks, or they pick me. Either way, I have given up. I stopped dating after the last one nearly drove me into financial ruin.

It's been almost 10 years, and I have to say, it's better than putting up with the crap. I even get the remote control all to myself. LOL!!!!!

Thanks Nicolette for your words of encouragment.

I was brought up to base my existence on how useful I could be to men. That is still how my parents think. That is why I continue to have such a difficult time with men.

I was betrayed, abused and abandoned by all the important men in my life, so I am made to believe that I have and continue to fail.

I used to have friends that were men-and I can honestly say that may have been the happiest I had ever been. No sexual expectations, no duties to be addressed. Just friends-but they found women to be intimate with, and the women didn't want me around.

As I said earlier, I was made to think that I wasn't the marrying type, and should be thrilled when asked. So, I married the first person who asked me-and then I was "normal".

My life's decisions were based on what others thought to be the "norm". I wanted to fit in. I didn't want to be different. And now, I am paying for it.

Thanks for the kind words. They were nice to read and encouraging.

hi there......

no you are not going crazy! i have just lost my boyfriend because of my PTSD symptoms.Once again i feel an outcast in society with regard to men,they see you get anxious and overly so,they dump you,they consider you a "nutcase" or "fruitcake" in my case.the very words are destructive too anyone,but too someone who suffers with PTSD they can be catastrophic in thier effect as i am battling with now..

Peanut

As far as relationships with men are concerned, it is best I avoid them at all costs. After several years in therapy dealing with my 4 failed marriages, plus the multiple others I didn't marry, my T and I decided that I was incapable of having a true and real relationship. His reasoning, my father was so miserable to me and treated me so poorly that I had no point of reference to guide me.

I was actually choosing men exactly like my father. Now I realize that my situation is not exactly the same as being abused but emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse.

But I still wish I knew why we, as women, continue to pick the loosers and abusers. I have stated my attitude on men before, but I think it deserves being said again. Especially in this post. If I get the urge for a man in my life I'll just get another cat!

This is very true, and I thank you for your lovely words of encouragement, Nicolette.

It remains frustrating for me because it doesn't feel like I'm choosing to be this way. I'm unable to have a relationship because I'm so afraid to trust another human, particular a man. I think it would be easier to swallow, so to speak, if I chose this path, but it feels like this path forced itself on me (like so much else about my PTSD). That's why I have to believe that all my work in therapy might move me closer to what I do want, an intimate relationship with another person.