I found I used to be attracted to men like the father figures in my life as I was trying to "fix" them (stop them abusing me), subconsciously thinking it would fix the past. Once I realised that my relationships with men changed....food for thought!

That is exactly what my T told me. But one would think that once this has enlightens us we would understand and change our method of selecting the men in our lifes. Since we don't that is why I adopted my new motto.

I am the worst judge of character you have ever met. I'm so bad, my T gave me permission to avoid men and to just not date--period. Which by the way is ok with me. Don't need the headache. Plus, the statement made about not needing a man to complete your life is so true.

I am so sorry you feel that your lack of trust was forced upon you. I really hope that through your therapy you do regain the kind of life and relationship you want.

Batgirl, I would recommend looking around for a good service/volunteer organization. In my experience they tend to be full of high character men and women, better than the average Joe.

Normally I would never suggest to someone to go to a volunteering event to find a date... however I've found that volunteering helps with my PTSD symptoms. Helps with the self esteem, and gets the mind of its own problems. Who knows, maybe you'll bump into a decent guy who will recognize how lucky he is to have you!

I have severe trust issues and relationships are built on trust. I have been living with the same man for almost 9 years, its a relationship of convienience, but its not a relationship really, we are roommates if the truth be told and I actually prefer this. If we break up or take seperate residences someday, I will not date or see anyone again. I CHOOSE this, I am not deemed this, its just not worth the hassle/work for me. For now we share a bed, for sleeping that is, but....when one of my kids moves out and frees up a room we are going to revert back to the 1950's, I want my own room.....oh well...just wanted you to know your not crazy.

I've gotten to the point that I almost look at men as not human, like they are all predators and I must always be on guard with them. I just don't trust any of them. I've been told my "picker is broken" and that I should give up and become a nun, but that wouldn't work since I don't have faith in any man's God. I can't seem to get a decent man into my life. Even the men that I had no choice in having in my life or not, like my bio dad and step satan, have brought me nothing but misery and pain. I'm dealing with my ex trying to get me back recently and it has totally messed with my head. I did however tell him that I wanted no part of him the other night, he has not made any of the changes he claimed to have made. I know I did the right thing. I want a healthy and happy relationship but for the life of me I can't seem to find a decent man who wants that from me.

Well, I'm hesitant to put my two cents in . . . but that never stopped me.

Practical advice form a male . . .
1) feeling that romantic attraction to a male I would suggest is a danger sign. It would probably represent an effort to recreate that dysfunctional family of origin thing.
2) to find a good guy to have or try to have a relation with . . . look in places that nice guys are likely to hang, like volunteering . . . good idea. Church, groups doing good stuff for the community, help at thanksgiving downtown, . . .. then once ya got the attention of a guy, make him wait, months, don't let him in your house for a long time, take him to your moms or friends house for dinner, make him call you, only coffee or dinner, then find out who his friends are, get to know them, get to know the family, job history, past girlfriends, wives . . . authentic Christians can be good unless you find them intolerable. Some Christians are absolute assholes though. It's really like buying a used car unfortunately. I lucked out finding my wife. Good family, mom and dad Norwegian imagrant, hard working , Christian the good kind, sister nice, older brother a bastard but I didn't hold that against her. Not her fault. She's a nurse. Likes to help people. Lots of long time friends. No criminal connections. Was never a biker girl, etc. No dope, no prison, etc. That help. Probably not, eh.

Hmm - tried to let this pass. Just couldn't do it. Never got a tattoo or joined any kind of cult like club with people wearing matching jackets. I never take a back seat either!

Is that why I'm single? Is it because I'm not a shy retiring waif, not willing to fein helplessness to feed someone else's ego?

I think I like having my hand on the throttle too much to give it up. I'm okay alone.

Ruddy there are no shortage of men in this world who are attracted to strong, independent women. The motorcycle would probably be more of a turn on for them.

Some men prefer dolls, trophies, and maids. Some of us (including myself) are more interested in a partner than an object. But then again, there's nothing wrong with alone

Are you comparing women to used cars?? Or did I read wrong?

Upstream, You're right. I've met several. That post was intended to raz Tdurden as much as anything else.

The men who prefer shy and retiring obviously aren't right for me. I can be a piece of work too. I struggle with an "I don't need any help from anybody" kind of attitude. That doesn't work. We all want to feel needed by our mates.