Ah . . . . . batgirl, I am honestly rather distraught over your thinking I might make such an insensitive, demeaning comparison to another human being. In short no. I do not associate, or compare or see in any way or form, a woman as a used car. My wife just happened to be mention after my analogy about used cars. I guess I should have started a new paragraph at least.

It was attempting to use an analogy.

I value women as having a vital and useful contribution anywhere they might be, although I don't pretend to understand any particular woman. That is perhaps partially because I am a male who uses only one half of my brain, the logical side, most of the time.

I have suspected that women are more balanced than men, better at working together, more intuitive, sensitive, and generally smarter in a practical sense, etc.

In general, from what I've seen of "men", men do real good at killing things, fixin' things, 'causing trouble, and being extremely aggressive, etc. However, there are exceptions, those men who really do somehow get a clue and start using the other side of their brain and actually get rather balanced. PTSD is one way that happen's although I'd never claim to be balanced myself, I'd leave that to the judgment of others.

Well, . . . I am flattered that I have been accepted enough by the community to be the subject of "razzing". It make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside:)

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you Doug. It wasn't an attack on you, and I wasn't thinking about you in the way you described above. I was just asking for clarification on what you wrote. The written word doesn't always come across clearly to me, especially given I have autism in addition to the PTSD. Thanks for the explanation, it makes sense to me now.

Dearest batgirl - you are on my friend list for a reason. I took no offense, saw only misunderstanding. Happens every day.

I clarified to the extent I didn't just to make sure, or hopefully make sure that all know that I have the up most respect for women, even if I don't understand them.

You're definitely not crazy and not alone. I have been able to get intimate in the past, but it's been harder as time has gone on. I'm 43 and have not had an intimate relationship since my 20's. Back then I rationalized the rapes and sexual abuse. Many years afterward, the feelings came, and I went through years of panic attacks, which i have not had in a long time, probably in part due to generally avoiding people as much as I can.

My last boyfriend (in his 50's) had PTSD worse than I do, and he would totally freak out if we went past kissing. I think one of the reasons I was with him, besides truly loving him, was because I knew that we could not be intimate. I did pursue sex with him, but that was because I was safe to because I knew he would push me away. Had he pursued sex from me, I know I would have freaked.

THIS IS HUGE!!! For years I totally avoided any type of relationships. Having a severe abuse background I could not trust anyone and survive. My walls were impermeable like a Sherman tank. Now that time has passed and I have worked through many of my issues I am atleast receptive to thinking of a relationship. I'm scared to death. But I also am very lonely, missing companionship to share fun activities with. But like many of us who have not experienced "normal" relationships I have no clue where to start. Assuming the opportunity will arise eventually and I keep breathing (not hold my breath). I don't know how much to share or what to share. I can't even think of a physical relationship until I totally trust the person or even if I ever will be able to trust a male person again.

It sucks being me sometimes. Won't it be great to suck out the memory cells of the bad past so we didn't have issues in the present. Maybe we should all try to create a "Super bad sucker brain tool". :)

Andre:

THANK YOU! I really appreciate your candor. I have been abused by three men. As a child and an adult. But I am still not a man basher because I believe there are good men out there - but they are all taken? Needless to say, I have trust and intimacy issues. I am just now (20 years later) ready to even pursue a relationship with another
manIF I ever find one.

While all the posts here are about how most of you guys shy away from men and what realtionships you have had were all bad, I have a question

What does it say about a female that goes the other direction. Anytime I was pushed away, abused mentally or just treated badly it made me want the guy more. When dumped I would start loooking for my next man immediately. I was like a revovling door, as embarrassing as that fact is--It is the truth.

While I understand the negetive reactions everyone has to men but what about the other side of the coin. I have actually never understood my reaction to being used, tossed aside and going back for more. Any hints on this side of our issue?

Grama-Herc,

I am not of the camp that would shy away from men. I always had somebody to spend some time with. However, I'm quite sure that my reasons for always having a man around and their reason for keeping me around were very different and extremely complicated on my part, so I won't even go into the long details.

I would say that the reaction of going back for more is a reflection and combination of low self-esteem and challenge. I know lots of women who "go back for more" because it becomes a game, it can be exciting, maybe it stirs up feelings in a person who normally doesn't have lots of feelings inside of them when they are not engulfed in a "drama" (for lack of a better word). Maybe it makes a person feel more alive.

The problem is, that same person can feel alive with someone who treats them well, but if that person has low self-esteem, then they don't feel deserving of that and feel that the only person who would love them (even in that abusive demented way) is someone who treats them like sh*t.

Plus, being alone and being lonely are 2 different things. I suffer from being lonely and I'm wondering if you do too.

Best,
Rachel

Oh yeah - and one more thing.

Grama-Herc - I always needed a "rescuer", and I think me needing rescued was directly related to me always being with a man.