I'm so sorry to hear all of this Kathy. It sounds like a lot of the stress lately has taken it's toll on Evie and her positivity. May I ask why Evie feels embarrassed/humiliated here? My thinking is that it is at these very times that Evie may benefit from a chat/venting post or two, and some support. There are a lot of people here who care about her. I sometimes think she may not actually know this.... so please let her know that I care, and I know she has other friends here that she has closer contact with that also care a lot about her.

I hope you don't mind me speculating here, but I wonder if Evie tried so hard to be positive that she simply wore herself out? Because although positive attitude is absolutely important to keep up in tough times, sometimes there is no getting away from the depressive reality of some things and in those situations perhaps she needs to allow herself sad/negative feelings because those are natural and equally important and deserving acknowledgement and compassion from herself?

The appendix, then following surgery on her bowel, Colin being in Afghanistan, the suicide bomber, the grieving process and everything else... I simply couldn't expect anybody to stay on top of things, let alone somebody with PTSD on top.

Please let Evie know from me that I don't think she has anything to be ashamed of, or feel humiliated by at all... she is and has done a wonderful job of late keeping herself as healthy as possible. She is not to blame for her recent setback. It is the very nature of PTSD and stress to drag us down and make us crash, no matter how hard we try, when stressful life events are beyond our control. Stress does this to everyone eventually. It is not her fault that she is struggling, life has been giving her a hard hand out recently and there is nothing she could do about that. Things will get better. But I also think learning to cope with setbacks is also a part of keeping herself healthy... learning to let some things ride out, and learning to accept herself (not blame herself) when she is in a setback is as important as 'doing well'.

However, I can certainly understand why she would feel defeated right now. Life just doesn't let up for her these last few years, does it?

And how are you holding up Kathy? Things are so very hard for you too, and your family... I am glad you come here for the support and venting space.

Sending my thoughts to Evie, you, Jim and the whole family.

Best wishes
Lisa.

Thank you Lisa. Jim and I are doing quite well lately, we are communicating well with each other, and my therapy is progressing very well also. Though the loss of my son is still difficult to bear, I can definitely see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Jim and I both feel things are falling into place for us once more, and we are relieved and happy about that.

Thank you also for your thoughts on Evie. I was hoping someone would comment on what was going on with her. I had thought to begin a thread in the PTSD section however I didn't wish to embarrass her further. She seems extremely worried at the moment, about drawing any attention to herself. You are quite correct Lisa that it would be beneficial if she would come online and start a thread of her own. However I honestly don't think she has the energy nor the trust of others to make herself that vulnerable at the moment. She is frightened about being hurt. She has felt hurt on the forum lately, especially in one particular thread. Jim and I have read what hurt her and we both feel it is quite minor. We really are at a loss as to why it is hurting her so much. Perhaps it is simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back? In any event, she is hurting.

I do agree with you also, she was trying very hard to be positive about everything, perhaps a bit too hard. She was very supportive of me when I was not feeling well, and perhaps that was a bit much for her as well. Also I believe she still wishes she did not have PTSD, and perhaps hoping it will go away! All speculation however, as she won't speak to us much at this point.

With your permission Lisa, I will print out what you have written here for her, perhaps it will cheer her a bit. Thank you once more for your thoughts.

Hi Kathy,

I am very glad that you and Jim are doing well lately, and that you are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I understand that Evie at the moment feels hurt, though I do not know which thread you are referring to, nonetheless I can understand that if she feels hurt by something here then she would naturally not feel so trusting to come here and speak about the things on her mind. Perhaps the straw that broke the camel's back, yes...perhaps whatever it is that hurt Evie is touching on some kind of raw nerve. If it is a raw nerve, I know that for me if it is touched on a good day I react badly... on a bad day, (whilst I may logically know it is my raw nerve and it may not be a huge thing realistically) it's a different story and I'll bite or retreat with such raw feelings it knocks me sideways.

As you say - only Evie can answer on the subject of these things. And only Evie can reach out and get help/comfort/reassurance (even if just from family right now) and say what is hurting her so much.

Of course, you have permission to print off what I have written here for Evie to read.

Evie ~ I hope things look up soon. Try to reach out to someone right now... you deserve and need some support, and your family and others can only help you if you let them. If things are too raw here on the forum for you right now, then family is always a good place to start if looking anywhere else is too hard... But either way, don't suffer alone.

Thinking of you.

Hello Kathy, I'd guessed Evie was finding things tough again. Wish her well from me. I think we all hope PTSD would just go away! When I go through a hard time with PTSD I tell myself its NOT like 1 step forward, 2 steps back, its more like 2 or 3 steps forward and 1 step back. Its hard but we'll get there in the end.

I like and care about Evie too, PTSD or not, autism or not. It makes no difference to me. It all makes her the person I know and like.

Tell her I'm still ready for that chat too, when she's feeling up to it.

Take care
Claire

Thank you Claire and Lisa for your thoughts, much appreciated. We are worried. Evie's been down before. However. It is 5 days now. Quite long for her, hence our concern.

Jim.

Kathy ~

Speaking from a PTSD perspective and coming from someone not doing so well myself right now...I can understand Evie's hurt over those threads and now she feels very exposed and humiliated. I would too and actually have to a smaller extent from the same threads. I do not post much now for that very reason - I know it is PTSD speaking and not rational but there nonetheless. Please tell Evie she is not alone...

Thank you for your wishes Grace, I will pass them on to Evie.

I do have a bit of positive news, in that this evening Evie had a very good discussion with me, opened up to me far more than she has been lately. She is still struggling with feeling down and upset however she seems to be realizing it is her illness and she admitted she is not thinking clearly. I take such insight on her part as a good sign. She has been much calmer this evening.

I've noticed Evie struggling lately and saw the threads she was hurt by. I wanted to help and felt helpless. Please let her know That I too am thinking of her and that I hope she comes out of it soon. I miss her input here on the forum. I hope she does come back.

Besides she's on my friends list now, so I'd like us to become friends.
Best and warmest wishes, Morgan

Thank you Morgan, Evie will be returning, she is simply having a break at the moment. Things are a little improved for her now as she is eating solid food and has been sleeping better. She is not ready to come back online however, still resting.

hi kathy and jim,

i am so sorry that your daughter has had to go thru this, two surgeries, and ptsd on top of it.

although i don't know much about whats going on with the threads, but please let her know i wish her all the best, i dont know her personally, but tell her that my thoughts and prayers are with her. I assume that colin is her bf/hubby? let her also know that God has his angels watching over him, and it will be alright.

if i may tell you a story of my hubby. he hadn't called for almost 2 weeks, which isn't out of the ordinary, but when he did call, he said, oh ,i got hit with a IED on the 15th, which is 2 days before our anniversary. any normal wife would have cried her eyes out, but i remained calm. all i could think was that God had his angels with him, and won't let him die. Might have been immature of me to think that way, but to me, God only gives us what we can handle, and he knows i couldn't handle not having him in my life. He has since been to iraq again, 3 times total, and there were times i cried and cried in the shower, cause it was too much. but i knew God had all the angels watching over him, and that he would be ok. I don't know if thats tooo optimistic for you, but he had a little pouch that i made for him, it had 3 angel stones in it. He told me he took them everywhere he went. i might be superstious, but i think those angels saved him.