Hello, I'm new here and I can tell this is going to be a powerful place for me because I started crying just looking at the home page.

I'm 30 years old and I have suffered PTSD for at least 20 years, resulting from loss and death of friends, severe abuse in middle school, and especially from a severely abusive relationship: I was 14, he was 18, and I suffered in every category of abuse there is at his hands. Also there is something from my early childhood daycare center coming up in therapy that I have always felt hints of, I'm scared to find out what it is, but I know I have to.

I have never understood until recently what was wrong with me, just that I HURT, so bad, all the time and in so many ways, and that my life was so hard and painful that often I didn't think I could go on. I still feel like that, but I've been in therapy and on meds for about a year, which has helped in the sense that I can get up in the morning and at least be ok, not so desperate all the time. I am starting EMDR this week and praying it will help.

I'm really glad i found this forum, I need to talk, and I need to hear your stories. Thank you for being here.

Hi Tara, welcome to the forum and very glad you are here to help yourself.

Hi Tara & welcome to the forum.

Hi Tara, welcome to the forum.

Hi Tara, welcome to the forum. I hope to hear how the EMDR worked for you. I am considering it myself.

Peace
Tammy

Thanks, everyone. I have so many questions and of course a lot that I need to talk about, and it it a comforting feeling to know that everyone on this forum knows what it's like and won't judge me. Trying to explain it to my friends and family has been incredibly difficult, they're supportive of me, but I can tell they don't really get it, and i always get the feeling they think I'm a bit crazy. Anyway, like I said before, I'm so grateful that you are all here. Even though "they" tell you you're not alone in your disease it sure seems like it when you have no one to talk to.
Peace.

Hey taraNcognita -


Welcome . . . I'm relieved to find someone else who cries when reading this forum. I don't like to cry . . . a man thing I guess lol But, I took this pole about what symptoms people had and then read their posts and man the tears justed pored out the whole time I was writing my post I felt so bad for them 'cause I had most of the symptoms they'd had at one time or another and know what a bummer it was.


I too had PTSD for years from a war, Vietnam, but didn't know it until an astute social worker suggested I go talk to a vet center. Up until I was over 50 years old I just wondered why life seemed to be so much harder for me that other people I knew . . . I just couldn't sleep, had panic attack, disassociations, angry outbursts, no friends, nightmares . . . you know, all that stuff. So duh . . . I didn't even figure it out after I got trained in nursing and got a MA in psychology. Man, go figure . .


By the way, I've heard some really good things about EMDR . . . really good things . . . I'm very optimistic and happy for you . . . I feel very hopeful it will help you a lot!


Lastly, and I apologizes, for going on so long in your introduction . . . but I used to write stories, even a novel or two (unpublished) so I can write almost forever and think . . . wow that was fun. But boy I've been there too where every day was a living hell to get up to and I'm glad that you can get up in the morning and not be so desperate as you say. I know how absolutely maddening and desperate it is to get up every day knowing it will by horrible like all the rest.


Things seem promising for you . . . some small but important improvements and . . . man, I'm optimistic about that EMDR. Ya, I said that didn't I. lol

Welcome Tara! Post away, we're here to help and support!

hmmm, posting, yeah...
Actually I'm kind of holding off on that right now, bc the other day I was feeling pretty bad and kind of spilled my guts about my feelings in a post in PTSD chat.
Even though, as far as I can tell, I didn't break any of the rules, it never got out of moderation; it's not up there.
I feel pretty stupid now, maybe I'm too new to post about such things? it's super hard for me to reach out and talk about this stuff I was already worried about sounding like such a complete misery right off the bat when nobody knows what I'm really like, so maybe I'll just stay quiet.
thank you, though, everybody for the welcome.
tara

tara

please don't be discouraged, I think your post is there in chat
Scared of PTSD

I'm new here too, I read it yesterday
I think you are very brave