I was delighted to see that you had replied today
spiritofnow. And you have chosen such a beautiful screen name – spirit of now. It’s one of the reasons I feel you have achieved such awareness. You are gorgeous too, you made me feel so glad I expressed my situation. Everyone plays their part you know? It’s just finding the courage and belief in yourself to know your part is important. You’ve made my day, especially because I feel like I may have helped you with this thread by helping myself, and possibly many others who are reading here.
You may feel anxious to write here, but you know what? Everyone feels vulnerable to write their thoughts and opinions for public forum, anxiety disorder or not.
I just wanted to address some of your statements darling.
I am being self indulgent by indirectly talking about myself- NO. You are making positive steps to purge your emotional toxins and seek some insight from others.
People will think I am selfish – People will think you are brave and wonderful for reaching out and attempting to help others as well as yourself. That’s not selfish, that’s intelligent and compassionate.
You seem so caring which makes me want to continue to answer your thread to help you but also as I know it would also help me - helping me out seems wrong-selfish! Well actually my lovely lady, it’s the right thing to do, help someone who wants help. I think it’s fantastic that we can help each other. Your replies have done me wonders. I hope my can do the same.
Pathetic. gimme an antonym for pathetic please! Oh is it strong? Ah funny that’s exactly what I was thinking. Ok, erase Pathetic, edit insert Strong. (That’s Samsara’s dry editors wit spinning a factitious circle, I hope it made you chuckle)
Stupid, to think such negative things about myself but whilst also still beleiving they are true! 
Feeling foolish is how everyone feels when they begin to utter words on paper or vocally when feeling vulnerable, perhaps try some mantras when that happens like: “this is not something I am used to but I am going to give it a shot as I have a feeling it will make me feel good”
Ugly inside and out. Well you’re gorgeous I can tell. I have spent the best part of my work day composing this reply (that’s my choice by the way and I’m still getting paid, hehehehe) because you just seem like such a worthwhile spirit to connect with. Again, work out some mantras. I think you should get a notebook and write wonderful things about yourself in pretty colours. You know, like Bart Simpson has to do on the blackboard? ; ) It works. It didn’t work for him, coz a/ he did them wrong – too many negatives in the sentences and b/ he’s a cartoon. ;p
Your rationale that forced you to write is exactly why I started this thread – to reach out for insight from suffers in BB’s position (I’ll call him Beautiful Boy on here) and also to help others with insight from my experience. It’s important to write about how you feel – that I do know. And I also know/feel that if you are feeling like you are writing with a higher purpose (to others, not just yourself), it motivates you to actually do it. So do it, and don’t feel like you are stealing my thunder. As I understand it, this forum is about everyone here, not just the authors of the thread. Draw attention to yourself, it’s great that you are reaching out, it’s important and I feel flattered that I’ve maybe helped you to do that. I really think it would be beneficial if those whole thread helped others do the same. I’m only going to learn, as will everyone else. That’s the point of this forum right? Giving you the keys to open up, unlock, help, heal, and remind you how wonderful you are? Because you obviously are, you’re a fighter I can tell, and you’ll get to a happier place soon, maintain that tenacious disposition you’re presenting.
And that goes for anyone reading this thread. I want your opinions, your stories, anything you feel like expressing. Purging is good for anyone’s soul, and with it provides a story to help and encourage others to do the same. When BB was writing, he felt a lot better, I try to encourage him to do it now, but he seems to feel there is no time with his three jobs and trying to get exercise each day. He’s promised today to get a notepad for his thoughts. So we’ll see how that goes.
Thank you for your advice and ideas.
Yes, we have discussed goals. I agree they are very important. He told me that thinking about seeing me again, getting to Asia for our time together in a few months. He conceded that smoking dope and drinking heavily hindering his ability to stay focused on these goals. He seems very eager and open to the positive outcomes that staying focused on these short term goals will provide. It’s what has kept him going, working in a very boring and uninspiring environment (His words). So yes, I’ve told him to focus on positive mantras, writing down in a journal things like:
“Every minute of every day I am getting closer to my goals, I am making a positive difference to my life.”
“I am in a position to realise where I’m at and am making positive steps toward a happier, calmer me.”
“Samsara loves me because I am a beautiful person, that feels great and I deserve to feel loved and nurtured”
“In less than three months I will be with Samsara in Asia, it’s so soon I can smell it, and I deserve to get there, I have worked hard and will continue to do so until I get there”
You should try some mantras like this. Write them down, they work. But you have to repeat them and use them for some time and eventually you will start believing them.
Just make sure they are full positives and in the NOW:
EG: I am feeling better about myself with every minute as I work on loving myself. I am a good person-correct
I am not going to feel bad any more, I am not a bad person.-incorrect
You see positive mantras have to contain full positives, no negative words at all even if they are implying a positive outcome. If you are depressed or down about yourself, you brain will to pick up the negatives, no matter how well the intention. This does work, it feels a but silly at first but when you get used to it, it almost becomes addictive.
A documentary movie I would recommend anyone seeing for a bit of a pepe up about changing and reprogramming your mind is “What the Bleep do we know?”
It’s not heavy at all, and discusses the possibilities of reprogramming our nature for the positive. I saw it after we broke up the first time, and it was a catalyst for my exploration into ptsd, after our break up. http://www.whatthebleep.com/trailer/
It really does make you think and gives you hope, depending on your disposition of course – which is actually the underlying theme of the movie. Watch it, and let me know how you felt after. I recommend you own a copy, I got different things from it each time I watched it.
If the gym is making you more anxious, I hope you might consider my hints on the yoga, you’d be amazed at the results. And the right yoga studio is a very nurturing environment. You can do the classes and as you develop, you can challenge yourself more, but it’s gentle and positive, gets your heart rate up through strength and has a huge focus on balancing the mind and body. It’s essentially meditation exercise.
Just shop around before you settle on a studio, I know there are some great ones in the UK. Yoga focuses on reprogramming the body to reprogram the mind, the idea is that the two are one and the same, so meditation can be provided through movement and strength. And its so strong, (we never use negatives in yoga, so you’d never say yoga is difficult or hard, you say strong, get me?) that you really have to concentrate on the breathe. With Anxiety, we often forget to breathe, Yoga teaches you to remain aware of your breathe, and if you can take that away out of the practice, you’ll find it useful to alleviate your symptoms. It takes a while, and you need to do at least three classes a week to really see or feel any profound results in the first month. But if you get stuck into it, you will truly be amazed.
I’ve poured out this advice because I have realised through BB, that some simple things can make a big difference, they assist you to contribute to your healing. You can never get too much of a good thing.
I have a question, the mother thing with BB. He wants to have some deep talks sometimes about his memories. Should I just come straight out and say it, that I may not remember all the details he gave, or maybe he thinks he’s told me more than he has? I mean I’m all for honesty, but I have concerns this may trigger his stress more, bring up more memories? I really want him to stay focused until he gets here and we can find a long term treatment for him in CBT or similar.
I’m sending out warm rays to anyone who reads this, I’ve done yoga 10 times already this week, so I got a lot of warmth to share.
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This is all about re-arranging the hardwiring - it's just a bit out of sync ha ha!
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