45 days! 45 days! 45 days! 45 days!

Hahaha! Further proof that BB has more than one or two guardian angels.

I woke up this morning to this message:

"Hey wake up sunshine,
another day's begun and I'm feeling strong knowing it's another day closer to you.
I'm making a comeback thanks to choice mates. Only 45 more times to wake up in hell, and that's fine by me."

He told me later that he can finally see the finishing line, he's excited and feels great.
He woke up with a killer flu yesterday, he knows it's the cutting back of booze and his body wanting a toxin purge. He's listening and has let the flu help him on the booze wagon. He sounds fantastic. Back at the gym, and well, I'm happy to hear him so well.

I actually felt a big lift yesterday and more today in my intuition. We'd had a big chat about finances a few days ago, I think it took a load of stress of talking about it and helping him see a concrete short term line line. It was funny, because I recalled as we did it, that not so long ago someone else was forcing me to sit down and work out the practicals of my life, I fought it for some time and felt a huge lift when I allowed them to help me realise it was no where near as messy and desperate as what i had conjured up in my head.

It was during this conversation that we decided he should just get out as soon as he has enough and find work after Asia, after he's had a break and has made it back to Australia.

Count down is on and it feels good.

When I asked him what has brought on all this high energy, he simply responded

" Sobriety." Ha. Well each day, we'll take the positive. and give it back to the next day.

Tomorrow it will only be 44 days and after that...

Yay Samsara! That is wonderful! I know it has taken you two a long time to get to this point. But all that hard work, hard times and tough love has really paid off. I am so excited for you. God always has a plan....it is REALLY hard to allow that to happen. If you are like me, you probably like to do things in the time that you think you are ready for them to happen. Unfortunately that is not always God's plan.

God knew the exact time that you and BB would be ready for your amazing relationship. Keep me posted....I am praying for you and your strength!
Sisu

44 days! 44 days! 44 days! 44 days! And I'm feeling gooooood!

Happy for you Samsara. I am dealing with Anthony being away for 10 days (but I'm going to visit him for a couple of days in-between) and I'm struggling. I don't think I could do what you are doing. 44 days would seem like a lifetime to me. You're a stronger person than me.

Keep thinking positively, Samsara. Make your own destiny!

Thanks Nicolette,

It's been 1095 days already since we were last physically in each others presence and about another 30 on top of that since we were in each others arms, so in comparison 44 days seems like a dream come true. And to be honest, I still need this last few weeks, I'm still preparing myself, my family, my life, to have him in it physically. You have no idea of the daydreams I am having. It's like I'm seeing visions/signs that I know will happen -- everywhere. I'm listening. Finally, my intuition and I are becoming friends and living in harmony.

After writing the letter to my mum ( see previous posts), and getting her reply, I suddenly got this lift, and it keeps rising.

OMG, it is a dream come true. I wished for this when we broke up you see. I wished he was a few years older and I was a few years healthier. I got my wish, and we're creating our own positive destiny. It's coming full circle, I feel like I could tame a lion to love me right now and come out unbloodied.

Thank you all for cheering me on. Thank you all. I just know it has a lot to do with all of your positive energy. Everyone on here is stronger and more amazing than they give themselves credit for. And I thank you!

OK, here is a little story I shared with Shoshin today, it stems from a private joke we have (Shoshin and I) about getting fit and healthy physically.

Anyway, I'm sure anyone following the BB and Samsara love story will find this amusing and hopefully get a chuckle -- If you don't, then maybe some "learn to laugh at yourself" exercises are in order. More on that in another episode.

There is a fine line between putting yourself down and embracing your short comings, accepting them and lovingly taking the piss out of yourself and those you respect and love. I graduated that school some time ago, BB is well aware and he's also very close to graduating from this school. So I am proud to say and still teach people every day how they may come to that day -- the 'I love myself enough to laugh at my short comings graduation day'.

Laughter is medicine, The best medicine of all!

You have to remember as you read this, to get it, you need to understand that in every day life I am a witty, facetious (you Nth Americans call that sarcasm, but it's not, probably closer to black comedy, but it's still not, anyway, I digress ;p ) young smart ass.

Seriously, I veil my emotional cyclones with this humour even to myself. The biggest gift I ever gave myself was allowing myself the ability to laugh at things, people and above all MYSELF!

And without further a do:

Haha! Funny story for you.
BB has about 6 foot comprising of 5% body fat and the other 95%, a brick sh8t house of muscle.
If he wasn’t a chef he’d be a personal trainer and lifts 100 lb (on each side). How do I know this? Well he likes to subtly gloat his “he-man-ness” to me. It’s mostly his way of convincing himself that he’s convincing me that he’s physically healthy, despite his unquenchable ‘thirst’ for mind altering liquids.

So he has a history of very little sympathy for people who are really fat or unfit. Ironically he thinks it’s quite simple to get in and keep in shape. Ironic because, well he's not in shape and could be 'easily" doing something about some of that. Ironic because of all the other thrashing of his liver, kidneys and chest that he seems to think is OK, or pretends, probably because he can’t SEE the damage.
So, to hit a nerve in him, I have deliberately likened his beer drinking and inability to stay on the wagon to an obese fatty trying to go on a diet.
See he’s been on at me to send him texts saying "don't drink". He even told me he considered getting it tattooed to his hand – haha. Dickhead!
So Anyway, the other day he alluded to having 'a bit of a beer belly' as he has not been at the gym for a few weeks and partying like it is his job. I jumped right on it and said/borderline yelled,

“OMG are you a fat bastard?”
Haha!

He’s all,

“NO!!!!! Comon woman! putcher gun away!”

To that I just bellowed down the phone cracking up,

“Hahahahahahaha!
Awwww! BB’s a fat bastard!
HAHAHAHA!
Don’t worry honey, I’ll love you anyway, it’s OK!
*insert the most facetious tone imaginable then add in a bit more*
Baby!
So... you’ll have to go on a diet, won't you fatty?
Oh my! Now don't be crap!
You can’t keep putting it off till Monday, you gotta work out how to pass the cake shop without stuffing your fat face one day”

Hahahaah! I’m still laughing just thinking about this little joke we keep having since the weekend.

We laughed a lot, but I know he’s a vein little fukker and I know I don’t want to be a wanker and send him dumb ‘mum-like’ texts that say ‘don’t drink”, so the other day, Aloha Friday (the day BB has off and usually tells himself it’s ‘BB waste-iod day’), I send him a text, when I knew it was later in the night and it said:

“Keep your hand out of the cookie jar fatty!”

The next day he was to tell me that just before he read the text, he was sitting with this little Vietnamese kid in the resort, some kid of one of the bosses at the restaurant where he works on his day off (don’t forget we are meeting in Vietnam).
So he’s sitting with this kid, and he gets along with kids really well. So he’s playing pokemon with this kid, and trying to stay out of Aloha Friday trouble.

The kid says,

“I like you how you are tonight BB”

“Huh? Whatcha mean?”

“Last week you came out and punched the wall, over there *pointed to a mark on the wall* BB, you drink too much! You act stupid, I don’t like you when you’re drunk.

Anyway, you’re getting fat BB, look at yourself, you’re fat! So you better stop drinking BB”

All this from a 5 year old! Haha. And just as he said that, BB got my text.

“Keep your hand out of the cookie jar fatty!”

He said he felt this surge of our psychic connection yet again, he said he got this shiver like I was talking to him through this kid. I guess was! Haha. He said he plans to spend more time with the Vietnamese kid.

So two days ago, I got a text when I got home from work:

“I kept my hand out of the cookie jar tonight”

43 days! 43 days! 43 days! 43 days! Unlock the lion-ess! The beast, he calls her!

Today:

S: "So, basically, these days you look like HE-MAN, but with a big fat gut?"

B: "No gut, already deflated back to my 8 pack, awesome what 3 days sober can do. Hell, I'm even proud of the beast"

S: "Nice one Tubby, don't worry I'll still love you fat.

An hour later...

B: "Fukk I'm powerful! He said as he walked away from the smouldering ruins that was the gym."

S: "Got me a BB dog smile?"

B: "Got you a black tooth grin.
I was just thinking about the mischief to be had with you soon. I feel great lately, got my boys training with me every morning, and going to work is just fine. This one's the one."

S: "Awesome, my Beautiful boy! You just gave me another fantastic rush! You got your map baby, your map will help you find your way -- trust me, hold onto your map and become dependent on it. Get addicted to creating your own positive destiny, it's yours and no one can take that away from you if you believe in your power. I'm so proud of you!"

a bit later.

S: "I love how you bring out my soft side, every time you get stronger, so do I!
You have taught me so much about the warmth in me I never knew I could feel, acknowledge or have.
I used to always play it cool, lock everyone out, put on my veil and separate my world.
When I met you, I was forced to meet myself and I continue to get to enjoy getting to know her with the help of people like you, especially you.
Thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for forcing me to love myself enough to show you how much you deserve.
Today, every minute, little by little, we're getting closer to being where we really are."

B: Thanks baby, it's good having a mate like you too. I needed something positive in my life and I'm taking it."

S "You'll always have me. As long as you believe it, I'll always love you unconditionally."


To be continued...