Perhaps I should have said "codependent features" rather than full blown codependency, I apologize. However, I do maintain my position as I had many clients over the years who fit the description I gave above.

Phil can probably say this better than I can:

"Love will make you blind, make you act so strange
But I'm here, and here I will stay.
...
Try as I may I can't stop thinking about you
It seems my life's worth nothing without you"

~Phil Collins, Everyday

I agree with the man... love will make you blind, make you act so strange.

Please explain the difference between the two? I'm not clear on this.

It's just that speaking with individuals in failed co-dependent marriages... it sounds more like a tragic love gone wrong. Your original post made it sound more like a volunteer opportunity or a coast guard mission, which is what I took offense to. There are types of co-dependent relationships I haven't been exposed to, which is what you may have been referring to.

May I ask why you were offended? Were you in such a relationship yourself? I certainly meant no offense to anyone, simply giving my opinion based on my professional experience. Codependent features are on a spectrum just as any other disorder, not everyone in such a relationship is going to behave identically or for the same reasons. Some do have the best of intentions and truly feel they are in love. However, others definitely seek out partners to control for their own satisfaction, under the guise of being helpful and/or loving. In my experience I have seen both. And more often than not, once someone recovers from this helping behaviour, they admit to being far more controlling than they originally realized.

Very good points Kathy, and Batgirl I do understand what you are saying and why you are wondering why someone would want to get involved !

When I met my bf he was in therapy for 2 years already, and was at the point in his life where he was able to control his PTSD very well. He had gone through anger management, and he really was making the efforts to help himself.

Had I met him earlier on, who knows, I might not have been able to handle his problems and I wouldn't have gotten involved, cause I wouldn't have been able to see the "good" side of him.

When I met him, I didn't know right away that he had PTSD, but there was a chemistry between us that was very real and I wanted to keep on getting to know him. When he finally told me about his disorder, I didn't run away in fear, I stayed because by then I was falling in love with him. And I saw beyond it, I saw the caring and giving and funny man he was and I knew I could handle anything that came our way ! (I thought that way and I still do).

Also, I never saw the awful side of this disorder...well, not at the beginning ! To be quite honest, I didn't know much about it, I even thought that it could be cured completely !I even remember my friend being worried about what I was getting into. Right from the moment he told me about it, I started to do some research, wanting to learn about his disorder and then I found this site ! All these things have helped me a lot.

Right from the beginning he was able to give me what I needed in life. He has a lot to give.

I don't mean to say that it will always be like it is now...I know that there will be times that it will get the better of him, but loving him like I do, I am there for him for the duration. As I know he would be if something should happen to me.

And at the beginning, I thought that with my patience and caring I would help him get rid of it !.....Wow, was I naive and uneducated lol...I now know and realize that it will always be there, and no matter how much I love and how patient and understanding I am...it will always be there and ultimately he is the one that has to deal with it...I can only be there and support him.

I don't accept everything he does and he knows it. I am not there to "baby" him, nor do I treat him any differently then if he didn't have this disorder. Like in all relationships, there are things we accept and tolerate and there are things we don't.

I don't try to "fix" him, I have to deal with it because I want to deal with it. It is a personal choice that I made. We have managed to build a sound, healthy and loving relationship, with all its ups and downs !!!

Well said Frankie. I feel my position is similar to you and I do appreciate what you are saying.

Lots of elaborate discussion I can't quite understand here, but I'll give my opinion if you don't mind Evie. Many points of it have been said with more detail but maybe not so directly. A person doesn't stop being a person simply because of PTSD, though it can be quite convincing when you're very low. For romance a lot of it does go to physical and/or mental attraction. Even at the most extreme PTSD doesn't simply dictate what develops. You kind of conditioned your question to get the one kind of response about codependency, but its greater than that. I'll call it the appearance of a person, but meaning the total appearance and not just the surface-how that person behaves, what they like, etc. Everything that comes out while dating and that makes them unique. Everyone meets on that level, and starts a relationships on the basis of whether they like the appearance of the other. I can't even get close to qualifying this for all the possible deceptions that exist but it is the essential point.

After that is where PTSD can effect things since it alters that appearance and it goes to the tolerance of the other whether they can accept the change or not. Its more than just the give and take of affection (You were talking about that right?). Again, lots of things I don't really know about can qualify that in disorders, but those are exceptions not the general rule. And the sufferer has certain duties to keep things in check and prevent violent and intimidating behavior. Even in isolation from PTSD those behaviors cause major problems in relationships. Good behavior is required from both to make it work and if either don't do that then it fails, it must fail at that point. What I'm trying to say is to go back to your question of what the appeal could be to make a person date a sufferer, I think it would be decided based on those total appearances and whether it works or not decided by the limits of proper tolerance for change. Better word to use but I can't think of it now.

In response to your question, "why date someone who is ill"? Well, I guess my answer is pretty straight forward. I fell in love with a fabulous man first. Even though he was diagnosed 2 years before I met him, I fell in love with the man. He just happens to have a serious illness. I am not in denial nor do I believe I can fix him. I could only hope that if I ever had such an illness, that someone would see the person I am and all my good qualities. None of us are perfect and we all have issues fo sure, some more complex than others. With some patience and persistance, I hope to journey with him and I know for sure that I am learning so many things about myself along the way. I do understand how some people may not be ready for such a journey, it is very bumpy and very difficult. However, the rewards are incredible, just like the man I fell in love with...ilness and all.
Thank you for your post, it gave me much to think about.

Great explanation Sairadance. There is a lot of what you say which I agree with.

Good luck and may your journey have the least amounts of bumps possible!

That jumped out at me Andre.... well said.