Yes that was a very good point Andre, very insightful. Evie is very ill right now and I believe her question was somewhat self-motivated. From discussion with her a couple of days back, the question is not so much why date anyone with PTSD, but moreso why date someone who is very ill or in crisis. I believe that was what she meant. She was thinking about someone like herself, who is almost incapacitated whilst ill, not someone who is able to "disguise" the PTSD for a time when first meeting, or able to function quite normally in their day to day living. At least that is what I am suspecting, she may correct me if I am wrong.

In any event, I have very much enjoyed everything that has been shared in this thread. It has given me insight as well, as I am not a spouse of someone with PTSD.

I was mostly thinking of my parents and grandparents, though I suppose it's possible that on some level I was thinking of myself as well. My issues, not yours... and I realize you meant no offense. I guess my post was more of a knee jerk reaction than anything else.

In my history and my parents history... behind all the dysfunction and illness and mental health terminology... there is a family and good memories and something real. I had a bad reaction to the idea that there might not be, it struck a nerve.

Well I do sincerely apologize if it offended you Upstream, I honestly was only speaking in a very general way, not specific to anyone's situation here. Of course every family has their good and bad points, not everything is bad. It is good to read you are able to see the good in your family, that is very positive.

Apology not necessary... again my issues not yours. You have had different experiences than I have, and spoke to those.

This thread has really hit home with me. I've been processing it over the past several days because perhaps this is my issue...that maybe I need to 'fix' someone.

Mental illness is something I'm very familiar with - father attempted suicide when I was 15, and was hospitalized again last year - so I'm drawn in by people with issues because I can identify with them. But, it's not so much because I have that desire to 'fix'... it's because I get it. I get the internal hell that a person can go thru. And, to me, it feels more human to know and express that with someone who has been there, too.

But, again - maybe that *is* an issue. Because, while I've been there, he IS there.

Kathy used words other than 'fix'

Is one of these words a better fit for what you feel?

Unfortunately, yes.

I hate how it sounds, but I do have the desire to care for and help. But, what's the difference between that and wanting to be a mother? Not that I'd want to be a mother to my s/o - obviously those are two very different roles. I guess what I'm saying is that I've been in some pretty dark places and can relate. And, to be honest - I don't know if I could be with someone who hasn't been in those places. Not that I want to spend my life giving all the support and not getting it back, either. But, there is something human and real about having experienced the depth of both happiness and pain.

I know exactly what you mean. I have those desires too, and I also don't believe that it is wrong to want to help and care for others. It is comforting to be with someone who has been in dark places too, someone who won't leave me because they see the dark inside me. Problem is I keep getting burned.

I used to be afraid of getting close to healthy people, afraid that they'd get close enough to see me for who I am. Afraid that they'd see that I'm not acceptable or lovable, that they'd run away.

I've been working on some issues lately, and REBT (also called CBT) has helped a lot with this. I feel more normal, and I feel like I can be in a relationship with a normal healthy person... though I still feel a desire to rescue people sometimes.

wow, i am glad i read this thread . although i married my hubby before his PTSD, this thread has helped me see what he 'could' be feeling. thank you all for opening up!

This was a very interesting thread for me to read. At first I was offended by the posts that made me feel like I have given my best to a relationship that has been very difficult at times and has pushed me to the limits of my patience simply for my own personal gain. As if the difficulties have been of my own making and I needed them in some way to fulfill holes that I have in myself.

I do consider myself as a person who is a caretaker in many senses of the word. I am an oldest sibling and played a big role in caring for my younger siblings, and I actually have a master's in counseling that trained me to be a therapist. This has been a blessing in many ways, especially because I had some knowlegde of PTSD before meeting my boyfriend. We were talking yesterday and he told me that he thinks if I wasn't the person I am with the background that I have, he thinks that I would have been out of our relationship months ago (we've been dating for 11 months).

That being said, it's really made me think about why I'm in my relationship and why I'm willing to be a carer. I'm so grateful that my boyfriend is in therapy and that he is willing to work on his treatment and try to get better, and the more I read this forum, the more I think that I may need to consider engaging in my own therapy.

It's so nice to be able to read all the things that you all contribute to this forum and have a place where I know other people understand.