Welcome Kelly; we're glad you found us! Feel free to rant, rave, scream, cry, yell, and whatever else you need to do. Spill your guts if you need to (if you can); there's nothing that would surprise us here as we've all been through something terrible that caused our PTSD.

As Nam said, there are people here who have gone through similar events in our life. I am one of them. My therapist says I should feel proud to be a survivor, but I haven't found a way for me believe it's okay to be proud (issues from childhood). My story is on one of the threads (as much as I remember); read it if you can find it. If not, PM me and I'll tell you all about it!

Just know you are in good company where we all know the feelings and emotions (or lack thereof) you are going through.

Oh, and I like your name; it's also the name of my first-born daughter!

Kim

Whoh..... both you and your husband have PTSD!!!

I am curious to this one kelly... is it easier or harder to get along with both of you having PTSD? I have a theory to this, and that is; if both people within a relationship have PTSD, and both people know how to control that PTSD, then their relationship would actually be quite tight compared to a sufferer with non-sufferer. My theory is based loosely around the fact that having a partner who has PTSD, means you have a partner that 100% understands what your feeling, because they are feeling the same things. I think it would work something like a mutual support mechanism.

As you are living this, what is your perception on your relationship and household with both adults having PTSD?

KimG, thank you for the warm welcome, I will definitely make sure to read your thread as well. It's terrific to meet others who completely understand what this is all about. =)

Anthony,

To answer your question, I would honestly have to say it's both easier and harder and even sometimes humorous in this particular situation. I myself remain nearly completely untreated, where he has had (and continues to have) continual therapy and support through the Veterans Administration-
Thank God for the Veterans Administration, without them and the wealth of information they provided my husband, I would certainly be convinced I have lost my mind-

We absolutely do understand where each other's coming from, so in that aspect it makes it easier.

What makes it harder is, that although we both suffer from PTSD, it comes from two very diferent sources. Where his combat zone was overseas in a foreign land, my "combat zone" if you will, comes from within the home.

So, if he feels out of control of the goings on within the family, he reacts as a military man would in a combat zone- "If they don't follow orders, people could die". And of course, my reaction to what I percieve as an attempt to back me into a corner, I react with the 'fight' portion of the 'flight or fight' and a huge argument ensues as I impulsively feel the need to free myself.

What also makes it harder is just the fact that he has been and continues to go through treatment, and I, for the most part, have not except for the information the VA has provided Sam with throughout the years. Although he does understand why I behave and react the way I do, it is very frustrating to have to endure once again what he has already been through himself.

My biggest question that remains for me is... What will come of the children? How will they turn out having grown up in a family where both parents suffer from PTSD? That is the biggest fear of mine above all else. I have had many discussions with my children about this and have explained what we do, and why we do it in an effort to help them understand, but the fear still remains about their outcome.

I would say that is a realistic fear kells, because lets face it, it is already researched and results obtained that children who grow up within disruptive households and households with parents having mental illness, the children themselves often become more susceptable to depression and other illnesses themselves. However... from bits and pieces I have also read, it is not always the case, because it depends on each families approach to the circumstances. Whilst some childrens scores where higher for disruption, others where not. This means that you as parents and the sufferers of the illness control the path your children grow within, and the influences that could directly impact them in adulthood. If you have uncontrolled PTSD, anger and sentment constantly displayed to the children, offcourse they are going to grow up thinking that is normal. If you have controlled PTSD, emotional discussions, talk, family time together and arguements and household disruptions are minimal (no different from any household), then the children should be just fine, if not less susceptable because they are capable to deal with their emotions at an emotional level, and not display what mum and dad did, fear, anger and rage, no communication, etc etc...

We choose our emotional paths for our children... sometimes that is enough to ensure adults get themselves constant help and therapy, ensuring their children do not become part of the current cycle.

I'm very fascinated with the fact that both of you have PTSD...

Youngandangry, I guess i'm used to it, heh. I noticed the private forums for those who have it and the spouses that don't and that we can't be in both even though in my case, my husband and I both fit in both categories. One thing I can say about both of us having it is, we don't have a boring household! :-D

Kells,

First welcome to the forum. Gee, I don't know that I envy you.........two of you with PTSD, I guess it would be easier to understand where they are coming from. Or in your case each of you but bloody hell! Your right it would be an interesting household.

I have quoted the last part of your post as it is one of my biggest fears also. In fact I made a post on this just recently in the spouse's part of the forum. Sometimes the line for those of us with partners who have PTSD is blurred as to what is normal marriage/relationship bs and what is attributed to PTSD. I guess it is the same thing with children. We have two between us and one due in November and I wonder often about the impact on them. I am certain I drive Anthony nuts (for want of a better term) sometimes with being what he considers 'over protective' with the toddler but I feel very strongly that he needs that buffer zone sometimes. Not often do I step in where Anthony's eldest son (teenager) is concerned but I have on occasions. Sometimes I can see the impact on both of them at different levels of the scale.

The positive from this though as Anthony has said, is that it drives both of us to sort out our own rubbish to try and make the family environment better. I am not sure I would have been so motivated if I didn't have Alexanders well being to consider. It has also helped me to learn fighting strategies in a way that counselling never could........I have learned to walk away, its taken me a long time but its a step in the right direction. I can often pick a mood in Anthony and will clearly tell him that I am not going to fight with him, especially not in front of the children and I walk away. You can't argue with that.

Hello, Kerrie Ann and thank you for the warm welcome =)
I can definitely say that I envy your relationship. My husband and I haven't gotten anywhere near the point that you described, unfortunately. Unless we're talkng about issues as serious as the weather, or the game that he and I enjoy playing, it is guaranteed to become an argument. So we completely avoid any 'real' discussions altogether. Our marriage literally hangs by a thread. The only thing I think that holds us together is the fact that we both need each other for one reason or another. He can't survive completely independantly due to his physical and mental ailments and I can't afford to support all of our 6 children alone financially for various reasons, some of which include this ptsd, which is absolutely frustrating. For some reason I thought that once I got out of the abusive situation as a child, that everything would be much better. And somehow, this seems worse than the abuse itself.

Hey Kells,

Your welcome. Believe me, we still have hurdles that need to be overcome, although Anthony will tell you he is comfortable at the moment........that's not necessarily a good thing. We struggle on the communication front and the 'little things' front. It has taken us a while to get here and it has been touch and go many times. I think both of us really want to lessen the impact on the children and that is the big motivator. They don't deserve the crap that was dished out to us and something that they have no understanding for. Your situation is a little more 'unique' than mine though because there is only one of us with PTSD and that is plenty. Keep posting, vent if you need to or just tell us about your day.

Hello Kells,

Welcome here. I've always dreamed of having someone who would 'understand' (I've never had a relationship). But that implies someone as messed up as me, how would that work!? I really hope you can hold it together. I certainly feel for you when you say you thought it would get better once you were out of it. I thought as soon as I left home I'd start healing and it would all drift far away in my mind, but it's still all there and I can't escape it. I suppose being needed (and needed by six children, too) helps keep you going. I hope the both of you can work together on the forum, it would be an interesting perspective to follow the progress of.