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| | Notices | Welcome to PTSD Forum. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a life threatening, debilitating disorder that can break down a sufferer’s body through anxiety and stress. Further it poses a significant suicide risk resulting from the brains neurological imbalance and chemical depression. Sufferers often live in denial, thus this community is aimed at helping PTSD sufferers help themselves through others experiences, guidance and education. We are here for the sufferer, spouse and families surrounding PTSD. Spouses and family are too often forgotten in this equation, and often they receive all the worst that PTSD has to offer. If you're involved in any way with PTSD, get registered and help yourself now. Non-active members will eventually be deleted. If you are not a sufferer, carer or someone within the mental health industry, and active, then there is little reason for you to be a member of this forum. Non-active members with zero posts are deleted periodically during the year. |  | 
23-02-2008, 02:53 AM
| | | | Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New York right now, back to Connecticut soon
Posts: 20
| |  12 Long Years with PTSD
i am having trouble figuring out where to start but i guess i'll start at the beginning where it all began. my daddy left us when i was 2, he would say he was coming to pick me up and i would pack my little suitcase and sit for hours on the steps waiting for my everything to come...he didn't come most times so i think thats where the depression started. after daddy left i became really close(i always was anyways) to my memere. she was everything and she died when i was 13. i was alone after that, my stepfather hated me and let me know it daily...he mentally abused me bad-not too much physical but i think i would have rather been hit. i thought about killing myself daily. i thought the only way for anyone to care about me was if i had sex with them...eww.
i had been sexually abused by a neighbor(i didn't remember it until later on)and i was messed up royally in the head...i started drinking heavily when i was 16. i ran away with a friend at 16 and somehow ended up with my biological father(my dream finally came true) i thought that everything was going to be ok now...he had me hooked on crank hard core in california, next we were in alaska, he part owned a carnival...next i was up for days at a time with him, my daddy and bestfriend. hooked on coke and speed and drinking constantly, i was 17 and having the time of my life (i thought). one night i woke up and he was all over me in bed he chased me down for hours until i escaped...gun or door i chose door, thank god, i left on foot in the middle of alaskan winter...gang raped some time later by at least 8 guys, i blocked that out for a long time-years-some time later( i say sometime later alot because alot of time i have blocked out things and time doesn't have much meaning to me back then. well i ended up back home with my mother and i slashed my wrist..i almost died and from that moment on i swore that NOBODY would ever hurt me again, and for over 10 years noone did. until my son was born with apnea and almost died. everything i had ever felt up to that point and all the tears i never cried washed over me instantly and life as i knew it was over. 3-4 long years later, lots of xanax and anything else that would numb me i was finally diagnosed with ptsd. that was 8 years ago, now i am on permanent soc.sec. disability. and life sucks...
Last edited by anthony; 23-02-2008 at 08:45 AM.
Reason: Please Read FAQ Section, Editorial Policy to Conform With Forum Posting Standards of Punctuation and Grammar.
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23-02-2008, 05:46 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Ma
Posts: 3,149
| |
Welcome to the forum.... |
24-02-2008, 04:17 AM
| | | | Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: New York right now, back to Connecticut soon
Posts: 20
| | This site is great
I have been stuck to my computer for the past couple of days, reading other peoples stories and feeling less alone with every one I read. Thanks for being here. Chrissy |
24-02-2008, 05:22 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Northern California
Posts: 529
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Welcome to the forum Chrissy. |
24-02-2008, 07:05 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Earth (most of the time)
Posts: 802
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Hi Crissy and welcome to the forum. I hope you can find some information here to help you through your feelings of despair.
Peace
Tammy |
25-02-2008, 06:46 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,968
| |
Welcome...yes reading others stories definately helps us to not feel so all alone.....if you continue writing and rereading your diary or history you will start to process so you don't have the feelings of wanting to die and that life sucks. How about start with a list....
I like these things in my life......
I have these things to be thankful for....
I am a strong survivor because.....
I hope this may be a start and that it helps even a tiny bit. |
25-02-2008, 08:42 AM
|  | Administrative Editor PTSD | | Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 7,443
| |
Welcome to the forum Chrissy... |
25-02-2008, 10:17 AM
|  | | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 450
| |
Welcome to the forum Chrissy, you're a survivor and a fighter, and that is something to be damn proud of.
This is my new anthem, may fit for you too...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZJUY_FM_q3Q
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kirkfranklin/declarationthisisit.html |
25-02-2008, 01:49 PM
|  | | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 813
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Welcome to the forum. |
25-02-2008, 02:04 PM
|  | | | Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: USA
Posts: 260
| | 12 Long Years with PTSD
Chrissym,
Welcome and hope you find the help you need
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