Sending healing thoughts your way, Hodge!

Thank you all. Please keep the prayers and healing thoughts coming. My Dad has taken a turn for the worse. They had to put him on a ventilator later yesterday. I guess he's basically on life support as they try out more antibiotics to try to kick the infection while getting his heart rate down and blood pressure up. They just don't know. It could go either way at this point.

I'm leaving tomorrow on the long journey to see him and spend a few days with that side of my family.

I had a horrible hysterical episode earlier today when we started making the actual arrangements. Part of it was the fact that I'm going alone. I was terrified of wigging out along the way, dissociating, anxiety attacks - who knows? But right now we can't afford for both of us to go and we have two animals that need medication 2-3 times a day, can't afford to board them and don't want to put them through that. I was sobbing, moaning "no no no no," shaking, rocking...I don't how long that lasted. I exhausted myself, but could still get no rest. I can't bear the thought of losing my Dad again, but have come to some peace with the idea that if he's not going to get better, I will let him go.

Later this evening I got some confidence from my med nurse telling me I could double the anti-anxiety med as I need to, so I'm all packed, everyone on the other end knows when to pick me up, etc. I'll be fine when I get there...it's just the getting there. I am in better shape tonight than I have been all day, I think. I'm also waiting on a pep talk call from my psych either tonight or tomorrow before I leave.

So please please please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming...for my Dad, his family, safe trip for me. Thank you again.

Sending more good vibes your way. You are in my thoughts. Have a safe trip and try to use some grounding techniques.

Warm wishes to you and yours, Morgan

So sorry, Hodge - will be praying for calm, peace, and a safe journey for you and healing for your dad...

I'm thinking of you Hodge and sending best wishes to your dad for recovery. Have a safe journey.

HODGE,
I pray your dad makes it and hope by now he is on the healing path.
sunnydaze

Thank you again everyone for the prayers and good thoughts. It turned out that I didn't have to make the trip - he's coming around. My stepmom suggested I wait and come out there when he's better! I just heard they're taking the breathing tube out today. Thank God and thank you again everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Sorry I haven't been able to be around here...this rollercoaster has been taking a real toll on me.

To top it off, I am struggling to fill out a long grueling form for my disability application which has to be turned in as soon as possible. It's pretty painful, but I'm doing little bits and pieces as I can, and the worker is understanding about my situation.

Again, I can't tell you all how much I appreciate your thoughts. I hope I can be around here participating more as soon as I can.

Oh, that is really good news about your Dad Hodge . I am so happy for you that your Dad is improving and I wish you didn't have to go on the rollercoaster ride you speak of.

Is there anyone who could assist you in filling out your disability application?

Please take good care of yourself and just do what you can, we are all thinking of you.

Hodge,

Great news about your dad...Take care of yourself in all of this.....

Thanks guys - please keep the prayers coming.

My Dad has been off the ventilator about 12 days now, but he still needs breathing treatments. It's been really heartbreaking for me to talk to him and hear him sounding so breathless and vulnerable. At least the ventilator-induced psychosis is lifting. That was really freaky and disturbing to hear him talking that way. My Dad has been my rock. Everyone seems optimistic about his healing. I keep praying and thought it would help to request more prayers and positive thoughts from you all once again.

He's more oriented and lucid today to the point where he expressed concern about me. But I just said I'm doing okay.

In reality, I'm trying to figure out whether or, really, when, to go into this partial hospitalization program that my med nurse and psychologist are recommending. It would be five days a week for 3-5 weeks. My husband's first reaction was, "but you have the freelance projects to do...we need money, etc.." Well, I told him that's like asking me to ski with two broken legs, especially right now when my Dad's condition is tearing me up. Finally, my psych and med nurse said the way for him to help us get a steady income is to help me apply for SSI disability. It appears that a treatment and support team is developing in my life...I am supposed to hear from a social worker next week who will come over and help me fill out that application. The one for the state medical assistance was horribly difficult for me to complete, but I did, with the help of my psych.

I don't know...I try to go on with my days, working on starting a vegetable garden to save money on food next year. I just wish I knew what to do about the partial hospitalization. God, I had a horrible rage against my husband about this the other day. The med nurse put me on Lamictal last week and he said that should help. I never used to have problems with anger management. I can almost physically feel that there are things wrong with my brain.

Blah...I am also feeling guilty for coming here with my woes and asking for support because it's been so long since I've been able to do that for anyone else, much less come here and catch up on how everyone else is doing and get to know some new people, some of whom have so kindly supported me.

This is pretty rambling - if any editor wants to split this up into another thread, please feel free. I am having trouble just writing this much out.