I'm interested to hear people's experience - both as PSTD sufferers as well as a PSTD carers - how you handle shut outs.

Specifically, for carers - what do you do to cope? How long have you ever been shut out? What kind of contact, if any, do you feel is appropriate during those times? How long have you ever been willing to wait to be let back in to their life, or do you find there's a point where you want to walk away.

And for the folks dealing with PSTD, does it bother you when you want to be away from everything, that someone tries to contact you? Or is there any comfort deep down knowing that even though you can't reach out, that someone is thinking about you?

I am looking for some insight into these questions in a broader sense, rather for guidance in my particular instance...but suffice it to say I have been dating someone with PTSD (was advised after we started dating) who was loving and caring but careful to not let me see the difficult times...and who now has shut me out completely for almost 2 months after outside events triggered a bad spell.

I've read many thoughtful posts on here - this site should win a gold medal for the service it provides! Looking forward to hearing from you!

Hi Langdon

Shut outs have been a common theme of late. I recommend you read the recent threads in the Carers' section.

I personally understand that shutting out people and isolating themselves is typical for a PTSD suffer but, on the other hand, do believe that it happening for any duration of time is never good for a relationship, especially a new one.

As this theme has been prevalent lately I feel I have exhausted my thoughts on the matter for the present.

Perhaps others may comment. I look forward to talking to you further at a later time and if I think of something helpful to say I will post it.

I agree with Nicolette. I am, too, one who has been shut out. Please review the recent threads and feel free to contact me with any questions.

Hi Langdon

You are in good company , I dont have any answers for you and I am partially shut out myself at the moment, its not easy, all I can say is look after yourself, learn what you can, each day is different.

Hello,
I too am shut out at the moment. I pray daily that the ptsd crisis will subside and he will feel better again. This is the first time I have experienced a shut out. My guy and I have dated since last May. Up until the end of January he was wonderful, open, warm, affectionate, etc. I noticed differences in him prior to the shut out, but did not realize what was coming my way. I now know for the future ~ if he ever lets me back in. Right now he says that I can do much better than him because he is flawed, evil, broken, a liar, etc. I just tell him that he is seeing himself through clouded thoughts right now. Listen to the compliments and nice things people say to him and repeat them to himself. A matra if you will. Maybe someday he will feel good about himself.

I know he loves me, he has told me since the shut out. But he is in complete crisis right now with all of his demons. I can only hope that he lets me in again and that he realizes how wonderful and special he really is. I wish he could understand that he has ptsd ~ ptsd does not have him. There is life after ptsd...and hope. He just has to find the right treatment or treatments that work best for him. Right now he just does meds. He was in a group for anger, but he recently quit that.

Good luck to you and take care of yourself. You need to be strong for him.

Sisu

Hi Sisu,

Reaing your post I felt I could almost have written it myself. Don't know if it gives you any comfort but I had much the same experience. Wonderful, open, warm, kind, etc...then within a few weeks after a triggering event, went to keeping to himself, making plans then cancelling at the last minute claiming to have a cold or having to work late. Our minor disagreement turned into full blown shut out...and afterward the only explanation being "You deserve more than this". I'm in the same boat not knowing if/when I'll be let back in.

What I have also read recently on a different site, is that some folks with PTSD can sometimes go to great lengths to conceal their condition. I haven't seen any comments here about that, but it suits my situation to a "T" He did his best to be "up" when I was around, but as time went on it got more difficult for him to do that.

Its really, really tough at first, because your emotions take a while to catch up with the situation at hand. I decided I have to get on with my life, but will be supportive in whatever way I am allowed to be. I have to hope for the best, but at the same time have no expectations.

Langdon,

I am responding to your question about Shut Outs from someone with PTSD. It's just that...you have to shut out the world for whatever time it takes to get over your stressor or trigger. And when I go through a shut out, I have a hard time coming back into the living. I feel bad when I have a trigger with flashbacks etc... when I get over my shut out...I feel like a worthless, weak minded human being. It's hard facing your loved ones after a crisis.

Hi Ladybug08

Your post was very helpful. Do you find your shut-outs go for varying periods? i.e. weeks? Months?

Langdon,
My boyfriend came over last week for about an hour and we spoke. He was still firm on the fact that I can do better than him and that he is no good. But he spoke to me and answered my questions. We had a good conversation and I felt really good about it. I am continuing to encourage more treatment and continuing to let him know I am there. It is hard but I feel in the core of my being that it is the right thing for me to do.

Sisu

Lagdon,

My shut outs depend on the stressor. Mine mostly can last for a few hours or days. I work full-time and a parent to a 16 year old. I can't shut out for too long. I am in therapy, so I am more aware of my triggers or stresors now. We are now starting to work on coping techniques .