I have this feeling so often and it consumes me at times.

I watch and see peoples' behaviour, towards myself and others. I just feel so disappointed by the world (people). I have this constant wish that the world would just get better!

It makes me feel like I am all alone in the world and that there is no-one who truly sees what I see. I feel as though they are all just 'pretenders' and are not true to themselves or others.

I wished I could wake up the world and make everyone love each other and be kind!

I do understand that this usually happens when I have experienced a difficult time or situation. I just wondered if others feel the same and why? I know there is beauty as I see it on here!

I don't enjoy feeling so utterly alone at these times!

Thanks

Spirit x

You're not alone. Jeez, I feel like this right now. I think most people, PTSD or not, feel this way at some point or another. It does suck, though. Hmm..."pretenders"...sounds very Holden Caulfield-ish...

I do feel alone in this world from time to time, I'm sure everyone feels that way at some time or another.

I understand what you mean about the negative aspects in the world. My suggestion would be to remove yourself from the media for a few days - no news, no radio, no newspapers. There is so much negativity out there, quite depressing. A break may be a good thing.

I think with my PTSD the feeling that "I'm all alone in the world" is exacerbated, and when I'm in a funk, I tend to think of other people as 'innocents' and me as not. It makes me feel very disconnected and alone. I feel as though I've been to the dark side, seen the evil in the world and the 'innocents' haven't. I know the innocents have had bad or dark times, but at the time I don't really see that, and think they may have experienced bad times but not like PTSD hell.

I feel in life that sometimes it's kind like watching a cheesy commercial on TV of a happy family with neighbours at a bbq and I'm screened off, watching on unable to fit in to that world anymore.

Holden Caulfield, yes! Phony bastards...

One of my negative mantras through my latest bout of major depression was "I am alone in the universe" and this, combined with my PTSD "closed perimeter/soldier-behind-enemy-lines" thinking, made me a real bear to deal with, even for myself!

I guess on one level, empirically, we are ultimately alone in that we can only know our own thoughts, and even then not thoroughly or consistently, and when we leave this world we seem to do it alone, at least before we pass into whatever is next. As far as I can tell...

But on another level, we are never really alone. We are interdependent creatures. Every breath we take exchanges oxygen for carbon dioxide, changing the atmosphere of this planet. We affect others and vice-versa, even when we do not think so.

So we are simultaneously alone and interdependent. Why do we feel so achingly alone sometimes, then? The Talmud says that "The world is not as we perceive it, it is as we are." In other words (more Buddhist words), we kind of create the world in which we live based on how we perceive it. We can take in the same sensory information and read it different ways. A summer rainstorm can be a refreshing shower or a miserable flood. But it is the same rain!

I think what is so freaking hard is that PTSD survivors have to overcome major disruptions in the ability to choose how we perceive our world. We did not ask for the trauma, and we do not deserve the aftermath, but it is so hard to see past the effects of it, to imagine a world where we can go back to being able to choose how we will respond to our perceptions.

And so, like Holden Caulfield, we want desperately to be happy, to be a "catcher in the rye" saving/preserving/resurrecting our innocence, but we keep hitting a brick wall.

I am only now beginning to see that there is a way around or over that wall instead of throwing myself against it, trying to bust through.

In the last six months, many times I have asked out loud, "Is there any hope for humanity?" If I understand your perceptions correctly, I see it too. I have always seen it. However, I haven't always felt negative about it. I used to feel quite positive about what I saw in others and in myself. I am just a bit jaded right now. Life has lost some, not all, meaning and purpose. I consider myself like a piece of metal in a spiritual crucible. I will come out of the fire more refined, stronger, and valuble than before.

Lately, I too have felt alone, which is unusual. I am more than comfortable being alone. To avoid isolating, I have told myself just because I am comfortable dining alone, doesn't mean I have to. And I have applied this same attitude towards dealing with this b.s. Just because I can, doesn't mean I have to or that I should want to deal with it alone. Now, I have experienced loneliness. Whatever, it's still a positive change. It won't hurt me to be a little less self-reliant.

Good thread, Spirit. Perhaps, sometime, we could discuss the flip side of it- how we see the best of humanity in others' and in ourselves. What is the beauty you see? Do you feel connected because of it?

Take care, tude

Such intellectual prowess!

Thank you to all four of you for your insightful and interesting replies.

I guess feeling alone in the world is somewhat paradoxical for me; my 'all alone in the world' feeling, is self-imposed yet I also feel confined within the parameters of this Universe (Unus) to be one and alone! I hope that makes sense to you?

I totally get that we are interdependent parts of a whole, its just that sometimes I do not feel like a be-longer to the whole or perhaps I don't want to be?!

I will try to explain how this feels to me; its almost like I was born without a protective layer and so all that I have experienced has penetrated my very being, some good some not so good! However, the beauty that I know is still there just seems to get overlooked. Is it mad to feel like you feel all of the wrongs in this world personally? Do I feel this way because I have been wronged for so much of my life? Is it this which makes me feel alone?

I stand alone much of the time watching, observing and feel so disconnected from myself yet I see their pain and suffering, but they all just carry on pretending.

Its like everyone is listening but no-one is really hearing? Or not hearing what I see, ha ha! Tying myself up in knots here

I feel scared to reveal this as I know 'they' don't get what I see. I used to call them, 'the others' it is how life feels sometimes.

Ha ha - maybe it is because of all that I have witnessed and felt which makes me feel as though I stand apart (sounds reasonable). I am sensitive to pain even when it is not mine. (maybe my head is just to far up my own a*se/ass?)

I do believe that the long and weary path to PTSD and beyond it has in fact influenced how I feel. I am a through time being, I stand on my time line and see all that has gone before me and all that could be/what i wish for - I just need to stand in time and experience the here and now, maybe I won't feel so alone then! Yeah that's it I am constantly standing outside of time and looking in.

Perhaps!

Spiritx

Spiritofnow,
I posted this on another thread but I feel it is too good for all not to read. I did not write this but am sharing it.
Don't judge
Don't judge people you hardly know. You don't know what their day has been like. You don't know what their life has been like.
Don't judge
Don't judge someone who seems as if they are overreacting. You don't know if they lost someone they dearly loved. Or if their parents are getting a divorce, or fighting over nothing.
Don't judge
Don't judge someone who's different. They are probably one of the nicest people you'll ever know or the funniest or the smartest. Take the time to get to know people.
Walk with them, run with them or share their triumps and their sorrows.
Maybe, they don't dance through life as you thought.
Don't judge
sunnydaze

spiritofnow,
The "Don't judge" was not towards you but for all of us sufferers out there who feel like people judge us because we are different.
sunnydaze

The feeling that I am 'alone' even in a crowded house - it's a slippery slope for me. Usually all I want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep, because the alternative feelings can be so overwhelming. Lately I've been trying to overcome the self-imposed isolation, but it's tough. A coping strategy that I thought was working was really only making my situation worse... I certainly don't like to admit when I'm wrong. But there it is; My alone-ness is self imposed, and if (when) I reach out, I usually find someone reaching back.

Oh, and I (to quote the Judge in the trial scene of "Fried Green Tomatoes" 'don't give a good goddamn' about others' judging me. It just shows their ignorance, not mine.

Tuwanda!!!

That's' okay Sunnydaze!

I did not take offense :-) What you said is very true!

Spirit x