Just waiting, I feel like I"m just waiting............

Well, that's it.

Got the results of an MRI yesterday morning. So many years feel like I can't get into parts of my brain.
I have a tumor.....my only friend.

A blessing is disguise. I have refused treatment. A few months probably. Prior to the pain and weakness being too much. I will move up to the mountains with my tent. I'm thinking July.

Hope this doesn't disturb anyone.......I'm just feeling so very relieved. Very very relieved.......Thank you God, you have answered my prayers.

My soul died a long time ago. Now my body finally will......

My T knows, and she's OK with my decision.

I don't know what to say....

:Hug_emoticon:I don't have words either...God, please bring comfort here...

TLight,

My sincerest wish for you is peace, in whatever form that will take for you, and I hope there is a way for you to find it even as things turn upside down. Your last few comments sound like on one level you may feel a sense of relief, a desire for release, a readiness to move on. If you do head for the mountains, you might ask around for some book titles about the spiritual stages of what is next.

I have no idea what your spiritual leanings are, but there are some interesting books out there (in many traditions). As a Buddhist, I find the Tibetan teachings on making the transition to be very encouraging and peace-instilling. A very condensed version of their teachings can be found in one of the chapters of the Dalai Lama's book How to Practice, but there are other, better titles I am sure.

This next phase will offer you the opportunity for profound realizations. I offer you my prayers and thoughts on your journey. Your presence on this forum has touched my life, and you will be on my mind.

Peace,
Shoshin

I am humbled and deeply moved by your courage.
Your soul did not die though T, it is strong and bright I see it! It will hold you in your hour of need.

I have been staring at the screen just thinking what can I possibly say that will have some meaning and give you some comfort. There are no words, only LOVE and I am sending you every single bit of love that resides within me, to you.

I am giving you my arms to hold you
I will give you the heat of my body to keep you warm
I will give you my hand to hold
I will give you my sesnes to allow you to feel and remeber that you are thought of.
I will give you love from the centre of me

I give you my love

Spirit xxx

Thank you all...........Yes, I've read and reread the Dali Lama's book on the stages of death, the things I'm likel to encounter. I think I've done enough meditation to go through the fires of Mara.My T called last night. I said, "you know, in 43 years, I've never even had a true friend." I feel like, even though virtual, I can say I've found that online. Thank you all.............I think I'll be signing off now. I'm very much at peace, no fear, just really happy I"ll finally be where I've always wanted to be. I've never felt so wonderful in my life really.I wish you all to continue this journey here and my hope is you find more here than I've been able to. Spirit, I will miss you and I do feel your presence, I feel all of yours.I think the next few months I'll just spend in meditation. Working on forgiveness..........I do not want to meet God with any unforgiveness in my heart. This is good, very good.

Underneath this smile lies everything
All my hopes and anger, pride and shame

I make myself a pact, not to shut doors on the past
Just for today I am free

I will not lose my faith
It's an inside job today
I know this one thing well

I used to try and kill love. the highest sin
Breathing insecurity out and in

Searching hope, I'm shown the way to run straight
Pursuing the greater way for all human light

How I choose to feel is how I am
How I choose to feel is how I am

I will not lose my faith
It's an inside job today

Holding on, the light of night
On my knees to rise and fix my broken soul
Again

Let me run into the rain
To be a human light again

Let me run into the rain
To shine a human light today

Life comes from within your heart and desire
Life comes from within my heart and desire
Life comes from within your heart and desire

I am still finding the right words difficult...maybe that is because they really don't exist. But I am going to try...

I have always believed that people come into your life at certain times for reasons that we may not be aware of or cannot understand. How grateful I am that I decided to return to the forum and had the chance to meet and get to know you.

Your soul is not dead and I am awed by its strength and courage.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers...you will be neither alone or forgotton.

I will miss you, my friend...may we meet again in the next lifetime.

Blessings,
Jackie

PS I am going to private message you my phone # and email address...you may never choose or need to use them but please remember that in most cases I am only about 40 minutes to an hour away...