This story begins about 4 months ago....I had a friend who lost her Pschodoc and therapist when their practice shut down because the landlord was going to sell the building and they were out in 30 days.....As a friend I naturally became very supportive.....listening to what she was feeling and attempting to be a sounding board for whatever she was going through....After her 5th call she started calling 4 to 5 times a week.....As a friend I kept being there for her.....She is schizophrenic and told me she has never talked about her illness with her husband....didn't want to "worry" him.....She then told me I was her only friend and could only talk about her illness with me...A warning alarm went off in my head at that and I chose to ignore it....Asking myself "If a friend I am.....I needed to tough out her difficulties with her"....She didn't like the new psychodoc that her previous one sent her to....He is Korean and has a very thick accent which she said she could rarely understand....so I listened to her complaints about him over and over.....Then her youngest son [age 18] had to have serious abdominal surgery and again I was there to again be supportive....I attempted to explain to her what her feelings could be about and kept trying to ease her fears......several weeks ago she started calling me EVERY day.....then 2 to 3 times a day she left messages on my machine if I wasn't home to get the first call.....And I listened and listened to her go over the same stuff over and over.....I started feeling really stressed and wasn't sure why at first....Along the way I had been encouraging her to get on a list at another agency that I knew about for a new psychodoc.....I had even gotten for her the phone number and approximate area where their office was.....She got a letter about 6 weeks ago from her old therapist telling her where he was so she could make an appointment to see him.....I'd ask her about every 2 days if she had done either of these....There was always some excuse she could find....There was also 3 different times when I set a boundry with her over how often I would be available to be supportive.....Which she totally ignored!! Last Sunday I set a boundry and had her agree to only leave one message then wait for me to call her....Monday arrived and while I was on the computer she called TWICE within 20 minutes!! I was rather irritated about this....but I waited a half hour to try and de-stress before I called her to remind her of the boundry we had agreed upon the previous day....She interrupted the middle of my first sentence and started on with her doctor complaints...which I interrupted angrily [I was STRESSED out to the max!!!] and asked her if she had made the call to the agency and made an appointment with her old therapist.....Asked her why....She said "I dunno" and then began complaining about her problems....I lost it at that point and yelled at her "Don't you get it!!!! I am too overwhelmed to do this now....My mom is going into the hospital!!!!"....Which she nastily replied " You're PATHETIC!!!!" I told her I was not going to listen to this from her....she started saying some other mean things and I told her if she didn't stop immediately I was going to hang up and she yelled at me "Oh, no you won't" and started up her meaness which I interrupted quickly and told her I was going to hang up now and then did so!!! She left a message the next day that we were no longer friends....and I shut the rest of it off.....I am soooo relieved!!!! I've been sleeping better and am a lot less stressed!! I had asked myself a few times in the past 2 weeks....If I get forceful with my boundaries and she breaks off the friendship.....how would I feel? I kept getting celebratory feelings!!!! So when I got her message I just about got up and danced!!! I was getting in really bad shape the last 2 months....with high anxiety levels which affected my well being.....increased PTSD symptoms that got to be very painful and sleep was nearly impossible...six weeks a go my psychodoc had to put me on a mood stablizer as my mood swings were really gone wild.....That's when I started thinking about what was it that had me stressed out.....It was her "using" me as a therapist and I had made myself very available as I thought that's what friends do....I found out that it was just about "killing" me!!! And I had been dreading every time I came home as to her messages she left....or even every time the phone rang when I was home....As I look back...It was 4 months of pure HELL!!!! I don't know why it took so long for me to realize what was going on.....I guess I thought a friend "had to".....WRONG!!! I have also learned not to get myself so entwined with anyone's problems....and that sometimes one has to yell loudly "NO..NO..NO!!!!!!!!! in order to have a healthy life....and if one's friend drops your friendship....she really wasn't a friend in the first place!!......FINDING PEACE

You were so smart to stop the madness when you did. I admire you for the strength it took to stick to your decision. The hell you were putting yourself through was not healthy for you.

I call people like that vampires because they literally suck the air out of a room. When she said you were her only friend, now you know why. It is hard to do what you did. Please don't feel guilty or beat yourself up for what you did.

You took a big step in your recovery by recognizing you needed to rid yourself of the stress she was placing on you and your life.

Congrats on a good decision

Wow, Wildfire!

What an intense situation. You can be very proud of yourself for recognizing your limitations and placing boundaries.

Mental illness or not, some people just like to concentrate on the problem, not the solution. Sounds like this person used this an a coping strategy that really is destructive to her and those around her.

Hopefully, someday she will realize this. I'm sorry she hurt you, you obviously did not deserve it.

Pat yourself on the back.

Congratulations for taking care of yourself!

Hi Wild,

I have been there, done that too... Great job on standing up for yourself......

You did the right thing! Stay away from that person, even if she wants to change her mind and be friends again, she is not a friend by my definition.

I always have trouble establishing or maintaining boundries with "friends" such as these. I think you handled it very well, though. I always feel that if I "cut the person off," I'm not being "nice." BUT, it sooo isn't helping the person if you just let them continue on with the neg. behavior. Well done!

I know how that is to be on either end of your issues. There is a really fine line sometimes ...and then agian sometimes the line is very clear.

I am happy you helped yourself...it can be hard, esp. when you think you might hurt someone else you know?

When I woke up this afternoon I had a message from my from my ex-friend.....stating to call her if I wanted too.....but she would only be home for the next 30 minutes.....I haven't the slightest idea what time that was because I gave up a long time ago in keeping the day and time on my machine.....You know....I am honestly not hurt about her actions to end our relationship....I figured it wouldn't be long before she would be calling me back as she needs me more than I need her....another thing I've recognized though is that I presently don't want any part of a relationship with her.....IMO her telling me to call her in the next half hour is rather controlling of her....I am feeling too good to have any desire to contact her whatsover.....and I have no guilt!!!! To forcefully have to for my health....very firmly "lay the law" down.... and refuse her attempts at belittle me is not a friendship!!I thank you all for your support!!! It came down to the fact that I had to add more meds to my regimen I was soooooo overwhelmed.....No way I'm going to let myself be guilted in reconnecting with her....To me that would be like taking poison and waiting for someone else to die.....I also am concerned with my mom going into the hospital for 48 hours starting early tomorrow morning [Tues] she's 77 and that concerns me very much...I have more energy to deal with that now that I don't have my ex-friend draining me!!! I have several other friends so it's not like I'm alone....which is very good.....and I'm not draining them either....I keep wanting to say that I feel so FREE!!!! FINDING PEACE AND LOVING IT

I been there and one that, too. When a friendship is all give or all take, it isn't a friendship. It's called using and being used.

I hope your mom is fine or doing better.