He came over last night and we just hung out and watched a movie. I just wanted to hang out with no stress of talking about "us" because I already knew the answer to that situation. Plus, we used to enjoy just hanging out. Besides our "love connection" we truly were best friends. We truly enjoyed each others company. I guess I was hoping for that.

Anyway, as I was sitting there watching the movie...he would say things like, "you look uncomfortable", or "have you gone on dates yet?" or "you must have the men all over". I just kinda ignored his comments because it was then I finally realized that he is playing a game. Not one to intentionally hurt me, but a game none the less. He is checking my "status" and although he is not available emotionally right now. So, later when he got up I moved over on my couch and layed down. I have a huge sectional couch that could probably seat 8 or more people. Plenty of room for me to lay down and still room for him to sit, lay or whatever. He chose to practically sit on top of me he was so close. He grabbed my hand and held it. Then at one point I sat up to get a drink of my drink and when I went to put my head back down, he put his arm around me and pulled me over so my head was on his chest. Of course I did not resist ~ should I have?? Confusion... This is how we would always watch tv when we were together. Anyway, when he was ready to leave he leaned over and hugged and kissed me. I was ready to just give him a peck ~ which I did. He then said, "is that all you got?". I was a bit confused. Then he kissed me again.....much more passionately. Confusion.... Then he hugged and kissed me again at the door.

I CANNOT allow this. It hurts my heart when all I want is for us to be back together. Because of this I read into what his actions are and get optomistic. It will only wind up hurting me if I think this way. I don't think he understands how his actions affect me yet. I cannot handle the hot and cold. WHY IS THIS SO HARD??

Sisu

Oh, OUCH!

How can I put this in a public forum? I will try to phrase it carefully, I guess!

I once dated a guy for a short while, long, long ago. He was into push-pull relationships, drawing me in, then distance and then trying to draw me in again. I was more naive back then. I asked a girl friend for her thoughts. She said he wanted a "F*** buddy." I'd never heard the term before. But what he wanted was someone who would be there for him when he had sexual desires, romantic desires, etc. and who would go away and leave him alone the rest of the time. Ah-ha! And that fit my BF's behavior to a T. She was right on target. I moved on, not wanting to have such a relationship and figuring he needed someone who would not get emotionally involved.

Don't expect the BF, or ex-BF as the case may be, to understand that you have emotional needs that are not filled by being alternately pushed away and drawn in. He will not understand your emotional needs, as yours are very different from his own.

You deserve someone who will love you and care for you, not someone who plays you when it suits his needs. Possibly you can eventually just be friends. But before that can happen, the emotional wounds have to heal. Perhaps it would be healthier for you if you take a break from contact for a time, until you don't hurt?

Anyhow, that is my read on it.

Best wishes to you!

Cowgirl

Thanks Cowgirl.....I agree.

I did it. I sent an email ending it. I cannot help him anymore if he does not want the help. Plus, he has to WANT to get better and help himself. I was becoming obsessed with the problem and it is not healthy. And right now because of his ptsd, he has no room in his life for anything but himself.

Thank you everyone for all of your help, advice, straight talk, etc. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated the advice and all the stuff I learned on this forum. It has been an amazing gift.

Sisu

I wish you all the best Sisu.

I know it's not easy to take such a decision.

Take care of yourself.

Sisu

I think you did the right thing, but I know it is a tough decision to make.

Something that might help...

Take the PTSD out of the situation for a moment...just for a moment.

Now, think of basic common sense dating rules. Would you want to date a healthy person who treated you like this? Probably not. Would you constantly be as forgiving for a healthy person who exhibited bad behavior toward you? Most likely not.

Hopefully for his sake he will eventually take the path toward dealing with his PTSD. But only he can make that choice, and apparently he's not at that point yet.

Thanks Langdon for your support. I do feel really good about it. It is like a ton of weight lifted off my shoulders. I was so obsessed with helping him and forgiving him because of the ptsd, that I was being swallowed up. You are so right....I would have never allowed a "healthy man" to treat me like that. For my own mental health, I had to walk away. I hope that he will someday feel motivated to get help. Right now he is just surviving ~ not living.

I would have stayed forever if he even showed one ounce of respect for my feelings and met me part way....but that hasn't happened for about 9 weeks.

He has to do this on his own.

Have a wonderful week!
Sisu

My ex-BF and I are now dating. It is casual dating ~ which is what I am most comfortable at this time. Slowly moving forward. He admitted that he does want to be with me but the pressure of such a serious relationship at this time is too much for him. It is really too much for me right now too. We both have small children who are involved in every activity, sport, etc. possible. So I guess he is not my ex-BF nor my BF, but my "special friend". He was so sweet the other night. He made me dinner and we just had a nice conversation.

Sisu