Good points Herc.

I think people are fighting with their own shame and tons of FEAR. The mind has a way of blocking our own progress. Sometimes people are just not ready.

But I agree, they need to expose themselves as completely as they can, or else it's just a waste of money.

Trust takes a long time to build for a lot of us.

Yes, trust in your therapist takes time. In order to share your darkest secrets a "bond" must be formed. When I was in therapy the first time, I formed a bond with my psychiatrist much quicker than I did with my therapist and I had spent a lot more time with the therapist.

Eventually, I switched therapists. It is important to feel comfortable and feel connected, it takes time and sometimes it just takes a person with a different personality.

Ahhh, I don't even know how to begin to answer this one...

First of all, trust is earned. Just because someone has a degree and presents a non-judgemental, non-reactive, empathetic, unconditional positive regard, attentive listening therapist persona, doesn't mean I am going to just let my guard down. It isn't even a conscious thing. It's a long-standing, protective wall that lies in the shadows of my personality.

That being said, becoming aware of how I still do protect myself by not being emotionally honest, I am responsible. Slowly, I am chipping away at that wall which impedes my progress.

Grama-H, I have to be honest with you...people who are the exact opposite not only confuse me but scare me! ;)

I hope this helps,
tude

Unfortunately, I'm taking this thread too much to heart. It reminds me of what I was incessently taught as I grew up. I, too, am slowly chipping away at the wall.

My father's big philosophy for everything, has always been "Shit or get off the pot". And I kind of hear that here.

I have discussed my father's (and basically the rest of my family's) opinion with my T as well.

But he reassured me that some disclosure of memories and feelings takes a lot of time to surface. I would love to think that if I spilled my guts totally out, that my PTSD would alleviate itself. But that isn't going to happen. I did have another therapist who thought that I should just "move on", now that "everything" is out in the open. I didn't realize, at that point, that not everything WAS out in the open. I just knew that I didn't feel better.

I too seemed to connect better with the psychiatrist than the T I had for several years, and I too, made the change. I do believe that it was for the better, as there are a lot of issues which creep into our discussions. He is gentler and much more patient.

I experienced with my trauma, tremendous shame and guilt. And I still bring a lot of that same embarrassement to my therapy sessions. I honestly try to start out the sessions, by "getting straight to the point", but then I shy away from talking about some things. I am obviously still in denial about certain things, and to say it out loud, would make it true in some way.

I know everyone's therapy is different. Hopefully, the T you are dealing with will know when to push, and when to back off.

As it has taken a few years....I carefully say, that I continue to learn to trust mine.

I once had a therapist that took the proper approach and time to allow me to build trust of him. And, after that trust was built, and with his professionalism and talent he went at it and I was allowed to discuss, feel and process huge chunks of trauma with all it's wonderful emotions (sarcasm). I would love to still be working with him today. He was highly effective and I was most cooperative.

The only two issues that arose were these: First, the expanse of trauma for me to share, feel, discuss and process was of such variety and plentiful that I never did have the opportunity to share or deal with so much of it, before he was forced to retire early.

Secondly, why was he forced to retire early? Most specifically, I do believe it was because he was non-traditional in the sense of providing meaningful and applicable mental health service that would prove most fruitful and rather then keep you coming back and paying more monies for MH serv.'s rendered, his intent was to confront and help truly heal the suffer at their core. He was most effective at reaching and encouraging my healing at the emotional part of my being and at a cellular level, and a lot of this helped correct and greatly improve much at cognitive level.

In Anthony's words: He did not bring me around, over, under or I'll add, or try and catapult me over the enormous grief, pain and trauma. Indeed he held my hand and walked me right through so much.

I once knew other clients of his and they too were so empowered. He taught to, and one thing he taught was how to empower oneself, that they might not need to spend the rest of their lives receiving services from the mental health industry, regardless of PTSD or not.

So my point cheifly so far is a therapist needs to be mentally sound themselves, trained and qualified. Their life energy, experience and even a heart and some compassion does wonders.

Therapists all need to know that on any day, roles could be reversed and it could be them sitting across from perhaps another professional, or even perhaps across from many of us and in need of some counseling and services.

IMHO, degree's and certification don't cut it and necessarily qualify one for providing good therapy.

Since that therapist, I found and discontinued others after not that long of time. I gave them a honest chance. I wasn't expecting or demanding the same expertise of P.B., they just didn't tackle and know much, and that's being kind. Not all therapist, psycholog.'s, ect. are like this. But unfortunately far to many are.

So intuitively would I tell a therapist everything, just because they collect on my visits. No! Absolutely, not. Not unless I know in my gut and from experience, they're indeed qualified and I can witness signs of life, character and/or heart, outside their programming and the clock.

Wow! I guess this really reached inside and got to me, or else my post would be shorter. I do apologize.

---------

Herc, I'd count your fortune, to have a good, trusting, helpful, useful therapist available to you. It seems, you're one lucky gal in this, not all of us are.

Now I know there are other angles and scenario's to this as well. I'm just offering out what I'm familiar with. Because, for myself never would I ever refuse real therapy and help within my limitations.

Take Care Herc!

Oh' ya' BTW, Herc. Yes, I agree too, this is a very good question. I guess a lot of people like it as well, bc before I got mine posted others had more quickly posted. Where did they come from? (smiling) and

Hope

Grama i like your upfrontness and openess i don't know what it is i not telling i i wonder how i can access that .i try answer questions best i can or feedback off others i got given some questionnaires today by psychologist first appointment she says i have language and reading problms need feedback off people around in day to day life to help .I started anger counselling 2 weeks ago my friend suggest it others including my aswsay i don't know how that work you arent even really aware of body and you spontaneous and memory problems any good tips Grama?

it's all a matter of trust. In Canada if you tell your therapist your feeling suicidal and they believe it is imminent they are bound to contact the police who will go to your home and remove any firearms and post a ban on you acquiring any further weapons. Then months later the therapist no longer believes there is a crisis, tuff nuts the guns are gone and the chances of you recovering them or getting your firearm licence back are as close to nil as can be. Maybe that is minor issue for some but if part of who you are is incorporated in the ownership of a firearm or twenty then it is a definite step back. thats all in spite of the fact that any suicidal person can burn, cut , hang, jump, run naked into the frozen river etc. So until you can trust the therapist really trust them to know when you are talking suicide because your just frustrated or angry or whn your serious you cannot reveal those
thoughts or feelings.

Sometimes I am afraid to tell my therapist things not because I believe he will think poorly of me but because -I- am afraid of my own reaction to the things I say. Talking about certain triggers gets me all shaky and sweaty and that's pretty embarrassing. But over time I do tell him things honestly. I know that I have to in order to get maximum benefits from the therapy and if I can't do that then I need to find someone else.

I know that from the medical standpoint its really hard for me when patients aren't completely honest with me. I tell them that I will not judge them or look down upon them for anything they tell me but soooo many times the blood tests tell me things they won't and then their treatment has to change and I wish I'd have known the truth earlier. But I can understand... if they don't know me, why should they trust me? Trust takes a long time, especially for someone who has been hurt. Sometimes I see so much pain and fear in their eyes. All I can do is forgive them and keep on caring for them.