Another thought;

Many times it takes more than one attempt to find the therapist who 'fits'. Not all therapists are made the same. Where I live, they have to undergo therapy themselves before they can be licensed. Even so, personality differences exist; what works for one may not work for another. So if you have a bad vibe off a therapist; maybe they remind you too much of where your trauma came from; well, you're not going to share. And it's tough to invest even a session or two and then have to break off and try to start again, especially if you didn't want to go to counseling to start with...

Herc,

I am not upset or pissed at anyone. Just trying to clarify what I said is all. I am cool with this also, and really think that people should be open and upfront with their therapist.

It comes down to personal choice, but then again.......If you don't tell all, HOW does your therapist help you with only snippets of the problem??? JMO!!!!

My feelings exactly ! ! !

I went to one therapist last week for the first visit, about 24 hours after I was injured in a car wreck. When I told him that the previous day I had been rearended in a car accident, he didn't even look at me or move a muscle, he never spoke. It was as if he was alone in the room. The session ended at 20 minutes, and I will never see him again! How could I begin to trust someone who does not give the slightest damn about me? Phuque him.

OK, I've been trying to stay clear of this thread but it is really pissing me off.

Is the point of the thread to genuinely enquire & challenge those reluctant to talk in therapy or is to say how proud you of yourself for getting to a certain point in your recovery? Both are fine but let's be honest about it.

I don't know if I'm missing something here or misunderstanding the question or subsequent posts so please steer me right if I've got it wrong. But here goes.

I thought a big part of PTSD was a reluctance to talk about the details of the trauma? I think avoidance of emotions/feelings etc is common. Certainly that's been my experience but maybe I have some subtype of PTSD.

Furthermore, I actually don't remember some or all aspects of my trauma. So not sure how I can 'tell all' when I don't 'remember all'. Again, thought failure to remember certain key elements of the trauma was not that uncommon in people suffering PTSD.

Do you have to push yourself to tell your therapist things. Yes. Should it be hard work. Yes. Of course you can't keep trotting out "I can't tell my therapist that" line continously. But initially in the early stages it's not at all uncommon for those suffering the affects of trauma to do such thing. But eventually as the relationship grows, as the symptoms are down to a more manageable level, as the environment the sufferer in is more stable, then the sufferer should be pushing themselves more and more each session.

Personally, I trust my therapist as much as I can trust anyone. She is highly qualified and experienced in PTSD. I can only go on the feedback she gives me (and maybe she's blowing smoke up my butt) that I work incredibly hard and that my progress is rapid.

Despite all my hard work, there are times that I go in with full intentions to say x, y, z and it doesn't happen.

I have yet had anyone explain to me in a language that I understand why that happens.

Except to say 'just say it' or 'your in denial' or 'your not trying hard enough' or 'well I can do it why can't you'

Sometimes there are merits in some of those things, and I will look at myself and discover that I'm not pushing myself enough or particularly early on there was no doubt I was in denial.

But other times, these just don't wash. The best I can work out is that there is complicated system of defense mechanisms that I employ. It may be that I become hostile & aggressive towards the therapist, I over intellectalise/analyse, I dissociate and geniunely forget etc etc. I'm trying to work out what defense mechanisms I use so that I become aware of them, and through that awareness, hopefully stop them before they start.

Most likely these are the defense mechanisms I employed during the trauma.

What I'd love to see from this thread is some constructive challenges & advice on how to over come those defense mechanisms, how do you recognise them and overcome them. Particularly if you can tell everything to your therapist so openly, I really think that would be helpful for others to learn from. Rather then "I have no problem with that", I'm really curious to know what you may be doing differently.

For the record what helps me is writing it down beforehand, and handing it over.

I'd also like to challenge those who say "But I can't tell my therapist...." as to what are the feelings behind that statement which some have already done - Shame being a big factor, which I totally understand but perhaps we can pool our ideas to work out a way to overcome the shame factor which in turn may help those to be more candid with their therapist.

I don't know anyone who would intentionally waste time & money, but I do know that traumatised people may lose their voice. If you've found your voice then great, let's see if we can all help each other find our own.

wow, this thread is like the PTSD fun ride at the carnival. I'm sorry, I really felt the need to make a funny, (I'm sure I'm the only one laughing).

argh...I just realized that me saying "im sure I'm the only one laughing" may come across the wrong way. What I meant is that I tend to have a strange sense of humor, not that I'm laughing at the people here. I include myself in the statement.

oh, the irony.

Awakening,

My intention is not to put anyone down, nor raise myself up and pat me on the back for a job well done.

As I mentioned on either this thread or another one. It was the fact that life wasn't working for me anymore. I had just had my 7th suicide attempt, and the head shrink on the ward asked me if life was working for me. I told him no and then he basically told me to get with the program.

I was in and out of therapy from age 15 till then, with only telling somethings, laughing about other things, not telling how I felt, what had been done to me, how I reacted. I had a chip on my shoulder the size of Texas, and an attitude to match.

That day in the ward, he made me see that unless I opened up my soul and spilled my guts that everything I had inside of me was just going to rot me from the inside out. That my coping skills were not effective anymore, I needed to learn new and healthy ones.

I basically had to give up control of the driver seat. I had to put my faith in the fact that someone else may just be better equipped to do this, because I certainly wasn't. I was a **** up. Messing up my life and those that I cared about the most.

Once I opened up, it was easy to spill my guts. It was a heavy burden that had been lifted.

Sorry if this offends anyone...NOT my intention.......I do know how hard it is to trust another human being when you have been violated to the point that you feel stripped of your soul, and that you are nothing but a mere shell of the human you were before,,,BUT!!!!!!!! DO you deserve to stay this way?????? Do you deserve to remain that victim???? Do you deserve to NOT live????? Do you deserve to feel less than human??????

Yes opening up to your therapist is a choice. A hard one, but a choice non the less. I for one was a victim for most of my life. I TOOK the power back the day I decided I was NOT a victim anymore. I spilled my guts, took my share of the responsibility, placed blame where it needed to be, and I took back my life.

I have made many mistakes along the way, and through out my life. I still make them, but I am a much better person, I have learned a lot through this journey, and continue to learn. PTSD is a work in progress......

She Cat, I couldn't agree with your post above more, and I'm sorry to hear of your experiences.

Don't get me wrong I think this thread is fantastic - we need more like this - challenging our behaviours & perceptions.

I also think that you & Grama Herc speak my preferred language: common sense.

It just seemed, and perhaps my warped perception only, that a question was asked - Why don't people tell their therapist everything? and people were genuinely posting back their responses. Responses like; I feel shame so don't tell, The fear overwhelms so I don't tell or It takes time for me to trust someone before I will tell.

People were answering the question, and then it seemed like they weren't being listened to, that it was still being met with "but your therapist is there to help you why won't you tell".

But obviously you do get it, because you've just said you had similiar experience at one time, but basically hit rock bottom and then had to haul arse out of it. Good for you.

My point was that we are all at different stages, and some aspects affect us more. I don't have agrophobia, but if I was to post the question "Why won't you leave the house" there is a difference between geninuely wanting to know and maybe imparting some of my experience as opposed to responding with something like "Well I don't get it I can leave the house. Leaving the house is good for you, just push yourself". That was all.

No particular individual was pissing me off, but the way the thread was going was because I thought we were missing some good opportunities to explore.

But I particularly agree with your victim comment. I never thought of myself as a victim, actually hate the word. But some of my behaviour in holding back in therapy, well it was behaviour of a victim. Saying I can't do it, it's too difficult for me - is like a learned helplessness. A shrug of the shoulder oh well, I can't do it was classic victim talk. I had to push myself, declare I'm going to empower myself not act like a victim and dig into the reasons why - like fear, shame, the risk that emotion might spill out.

If someone is not telling all to their therapist because of shame - then from my experience I would tell them tell this to your therapist. I did. I said I have stuff to say but I can't because I feel ashamed. Rather then saying nothing at all. She then knew I had something to say and we worked solely on the feeling of shame. We used writing, drawing, some empty chair technique etc.

If it takes time to trust - how much time? 4 sessions, 14, 44 ??? What is reasonable and when does it become an excuse? Why aren't you trusting yet? Have you told your therapist you don't trust him/her? That you have trust issues? It could be that your therapist runs 10 minutes late regularly which is why you don't trust them. It's worth digging for.

Anyway I'm rambling my point was; if you are not disclosing all to your therapist because of x, y or z, then you don't necessarily have to wait for x, y or z to magically be resolved or go straight to the issue. You can start by telling your therapist I want to tell you something but can't because of x, y or z. The therapist will the work on the x y or z breaking down those barriers to get to the something.

Awakening,

I really hate the word can't.......IMO.....It means, I won't, I don't have too. Yes, I too believe that it is the emotions behind the words "I can't" that hold us back. Fear, shame, guilt, anger, or whatever. Those emotions are real, and warranted. But, to hold onto them, stops you from moving forward. I hold on to guilt and I am struggling on HOW to let go of it. I am working toward that goal. Yes, It is a struggle, but I am trying.

I think that for those of us that have those feelings (myself included) we need to really look at the emotions and see if they apply to us now. Is it time that we leave those emotions, resolve them, and focus on moving forward???

We only need to be responsible for what we own, and nothing more.

As I have said to another member here.....What each of us write is only an opinion. It isn't attacking, or belittling, or judging. If a thread or post upsets or triggers someone, then apparently it is an issue within them that isn't being resolved. I have been trigger by threads, and posts too. I try to figure out why, and how to resolve it.

I for one am glad that this thread is here. I think it has a lot of people thinking. I know it has triggered others. Hopefully it will allow us all as a community to come together for a common goal. To help each other overcome our fears.....