What happens?

Can they function when they come off the wagon?

But he only has 8 weeks left of his contract, would going on the wagon make it worse and maybe end him up not working at all?

Honest experienced answers please. I know he needs to give up the booze, but he also needs to get this contract over so he can get into treatment, or treatment won't happen.

Samsara

Alcohol is a form of self-medication. If your boyfriend is drinking with PTSD I think you'll find he has already fallen off the wagon. He needs help and treatment now.

I can only speak from my own experience. I can function to some degree without alcohol, but I am also in treatment. In some ways that is harder because I have to face myself in treatment I can't live in denial. But yes, it is possible to function sober.

Maybe I have put this thread in the wrong section because I think you misunderstood the intention of my post Nicolette? In any case, thanks for your in put, I know you meant well by it but please don't jump to conclusions about my level of general knowledge about PTSD or alcoholism -- especially since that was not what I was asking or expressing.

He is not 'on' the wagon. He is a chef and functioning very well as a chef when he is at the job. And has 8 weeks of his contract left before he is due to move overseas. It's his day off or knock off time when he drinks too much. It's during the night when he has a million nightmares when he self medicates. It is in his self that he has PTSD, the people at work just think he's just a normal "crazed" chef. And they all love him. So much so they don't even care when he turns up an hour late when he has been self medicating. -- Such is the industry of hospitality.

I feel a strong urge to discuss this with him one way or anther in the next few days possibly even tomorrow and I don't want to get my own head messed up with guilt in the process. As I have expressed in other posts which you indicated that you have read, He/We are fully aware he needs help and treatment, it is simply not a practical option right now. He is immigrating to Australia, and is due to leave Canada in 8 weeks -- He won't be commencing at kind of western treatment any time soon, but we are looking into what kind of healing he can get when he gets to Asia where he will stay until his papers come through for Australia -- north America is too expensive for him and he really needs a break from work. On top of that, they (Australian immigration) don't grant bridging visas for offshore skills visa immigration applications. He work at the moment rests on this, IE. The money he is earning at the moment is paving the way to his future, immigrating to Australia to be with me and to start treatment.

With that info out of the way we are both fully also fully aware he is self medicating sometimes. In addition he is also drinking socially as we all do. On top of that the lines are blurred by his profession, his age (23) and his location - he works in a ski resort, if anyone knows what the hospitality industry is like, drinking heavy especially in a party like resort environment , drinking is accepted and considered by most as part and parcel. I know this very well as most of my family are chefs, they work long hours and knock off drink is rarely in a singular. So you see, there is a lot of booze in his system, a dry out even if he didn't have PTSD would almost certainly make him sick for a while. If he's sick, he can't work, if he can't work, he won't have money, if he does not have money he can't get treatment, and so the cycle continues. Surely as a partner of a PTSD you would be aware that good treatment comes at a very high cost?

What I am getting at is this:

Given the above information, and his condition, would it be sound/fair advice to advise him to get "on" the wagon for the next 8 weeks?

Would it be sound/fair advice, that given he MUST save this money in order to be in a situation where he can get treatment as it costs MONEY to tell him to stop drinking? Baring in mind he has managed to get this far, surely another 8 weeks aint.

I am in two frames of mind:

1/ I feel like he is making some progress with me in our conversations etc, then he promises to get his journal happening to help him get some self treatment happening. Then on his day off he turns into 'party' man, or every now and then he turns into "pity" man. Both are starting to piss me off and concern me at the moment. a/ I feel like the energy I am investing is wasted. b/I have concerns he will not get his shit together in time.

2/ If he does stop drinking, my concerns are that he will freak out, maybe get physically sick from the detox, lose his shit, not make the bank in time for the deadline and it will all go up in flames.

His job is not a normal job, its high pressure it takes a lot of energy to do it ( 14 hour days over a hot stove and peoples stupidity and inconsistency turn chefs into very stressed individuals -- on the job.) It's good stress for someone like him for the most part, but it makes knock off drinks all the more welcome, and for someone like him, I'm sure you see what I am saying.

He has been drinking like this for some time -- it's not a new thing. It's just it is concerning me more now because I really need him to make the bank in time. He must immigrate to Australia. I am not interested in advice about getting treatment where he is, it's not going to happen, he has no family, he wants to be near me when he gets treatment. His immigrating to Australia is going to be a major part of his treatment -- this is where he calls home, this is where his loved ones are ( not just me), this is all he wants for now.

So Morgan thank you for your response.
When you say you could function, did you mean just generally? Could you still hold down a job. Do you think you could hold down a job like BB? (my boyfriend)
If you worked, what kind of work do you do?

Answers greatly appreciated. Since I don't have alcoholism and could probably still do my job if I did (I'm an editor and could read under water), I have little to relate to.

There are a lot of chefs in my social circle, and there are also a lot of chefs who have speed, caffeine and cocaine additions in the industry on top of their alcoholism. It's a full on industry -- you only have to watch Gordon Ramsays kitchen on TV to work that out.

Anyway, all I am asking is, and please give me your opinion not what you THINK you should morally say, or whatever, as a sufferer.

I would like to know, (particularly from sufferers who have battled with self medication) if you think that given the above situation, I should leave him to do what he's always done for anther 8 weeks ie: treat the symptoms (not ideal, but possibly the most realistic) or should I be encouraging him to go clean as of now?

It's a tricky one, which is why I need advice. A large percentage of his future happiness is really hanging on the money he makes in the next 8 weeks.

I'm after advice based your your own experience here, not what you think you "should" say.

Thanks.

Hello. Ok, you have asked for honest answers so I will be straight forward with you. I think you are putting a lot of pressure into an already pressurised situation. Try and step back a minute and look at what you have written.

Realistically he is very unlikely to be able to stop drinking before he gets the chance to immigrate. The whole experience will be of heightened stress so its not a great time to be trying to stop. PTSD sufferers obvioulsy do not deal well with stress so at these times may self medicate more.

I can see you are stuck with this but I think all you can do is encourage him to cut down and therefore save more money. If he doesn't have enough to immigrate this time is there a possiblitity to postpone it until he does?

Ultimately it is down to him. I assume he knows the deal. Its in his hands. You can encourage but that is all.

I can see you are stuck with this but I think all you can do is encourage him to cut down and therefore save more money. If he doesn't have enough to immigrate this time is there a possiblitity to postpone it until he does?

speaking from experience alcohol numbed my husbands feelings - the ptsd was always there but he never spoke, only shouted.
i think that the quote sums it up perfectly - you can make all the suggestions in the world but it is in his hands.

Thank Claire.
Everything you have said, I was thinking about. I just really needed to voice it, get some perspectives, understand more.
Anyway, I didn't have to address it, he did it for me.
And today, he's got the flu anyway, so he's been forced on the wagon by nature anyway. He rarely gets the flu, so he's paying attention.
I think he's going to make it, actually I know it. Someone upstairs, the universe, whatever, wants him to make it.