My name is DL (male) and I'm from Texas.

I'm pretty sure I have PTSD, but I have never been diagnosed with it. My symptoms mostly have to do with addictions to anything that do not allow my feelings to emerge. I can read books or surf the internet for hours at a time, just because my anxiety won't let me sit still. I have a hard time taking care of myself.

I was raised by caring parents who also molested me as a child. They have always provided for me, but kept me on a leash by not teaching me the things I needed to know whilst growing up. To this day I never learned how to ride a bike or even swim. I have a hard time getting mad at them, and I have deep resentment that they never encouraged my talents in music or art.

I haven't talked to my dad in a few years. I struggle with not wanting to be emotionally abused again.

I'm in my early 30s and I am starting to get lots of gray hairs even though I look like a teenager. I get so depressed sometimes that I don't bother eating. My self esteem is all but gone.

My goal is to figure out how to break free from my mental prison. I would like to thrive as a musician and be able to take good care of myself.

I will not use any prescription medication. I don't want to mask my feelings.

Anyway, that's about it. Nothing that you haven't heard before. Thanks.

Hi DL, and welcome to the forum. I hope you can find the help you need here. It would be a good idea to get a correct diagnosis of what is actually wrong from a doctor, otherwise this may hinder your healing if your self diagnosis is incorrect.

Peace
Tammy

Thank you.

Hi DL welcome to the forum.

Well from what I know about depression, PTSD and PTSS and also Bi - polar ( which I was once incorrectly diagnosed as having), you are half way to healing with these statements. Well done.

Music is one of the best forms of self - medication. Music, exercise and writing as a form of expressing your feelings work wonders for helping to alleviate the feelings of self imprisonment that depression causes and are vital far as I'm concerned.

Seek therapy, continue with your music -- you'll find a lot of very talented and influential musicians actually have suffered from Bi - polar, PTSD and depression. Artists that come to mind and speak to me in volumes are Lou Reed, Bob Dylan, Beth Orton, The Flaming lips, Whitley ( Australian indie artist - I reccomend!), Feist, Broken social scene, Shall I keep going?

This forum is fantastic for sharing your feelings, gaining insight from others and educating yourself, but the bottom line is, you need professional advice and counselling as well. Get two or three opinions. And from my experience -- you don't need traditional medicine necessarily. Have a look at the thread about natural therapies in the PTSD forum, there is some wonder advice in a link to another forum there posted by Anthony. He knows his sh*t that man. He is an inspiration and I'd take my hat off to him if I was wearing one when we met.

There are good people here, carers and sufferers alike. I have learn so much just reading other peoples experiences. You may even find the trauma diaries beneficial. But get diagnosed by a few doctors and take it from there. There are natural psychosomatic treatments about, my yoga masters teacher (yogi) for one. There are a lot of ways to learn how to heal, so get to it - you got a lot of reading ahead of you beautiful.

Hi and welcome! Like you, I have never been diagnosed. I have talked about it with a few folks and they seem to think that's what it is and I know one actually avoids putting down a diagnosis because he didn't want to put down something that would give me trouble with insurance or other related things... also, actually BEING diagnosed kind of scares me. I'm actually going to talk about it with my therapist tonight... I'm seeing him for other things but I feel like its been long enough and maybe I can bring this stuff up tonight.

But yes, if you can do it, please see someone. Talk things over with a professional. Then things can proceed from there.

Confusion...welcome. So much of what you write sparks recognition in me.

So glad you have music in your life.

As for your statement, "Nothing you haven't heard before"...your story and experience are unique...we haven't heard it before. We've heard "theme (PTSD) and variations (each voice)"...and yours is a new voice here, being heard and witnessed.

Welcome.

Roo

Welcome to the forum......

I agree that music is good therapy