Hi,

I'm new. I think that my boyfriend could have PTSD. I realise I'm only speculating and I can't answer many of the diagnostic criteria as I can't truly know how he is feeling or what is going on in his head.

I have been with him for three years now and one year into our relationship he told me that about six years ago his only sibling, his sister, committed suicide (she hanged herself) and he was the one who found her. He said he was distraught - understandably.

There are a few things but what has especially led me to question whether he might have ongoing issues affecting his daily life from this experience is that he seems to have a phobia of being around my family/my friends/groups of people he doesn't know. I have always kind of associated this behavior with his sister because the day when he told me about her I was trying to convince him to come to my brother's and sister's birthday dinner - which he didn't want to go to. When he is around my family he is almost completely quiet and detached and not his usual self. Like today, we were with my brother and sister and two of their friends at some waterfalls, (he was extremely reluctant to even go) and he barely spoke and stood apart from them. The confusing thing is that he does make friends and he is not like this with people he has known for ages since before the thing with his sister. Whenever I ask him about it he just says that he is no good at getting along with people and his comments generally reveal low self-esteem, I feel. It seems strange to me because I get along with him fine, and I think he has heaps going for him. Today, he said that he is like it even at parties and that people come up to him and say things like, 'you look sad' , 'you don't look like you're having a good time'. And when I suggested to him that he doesn't have to lead the conversation but just just try small talk and laughing along he said that he 'can't laugh' in these social situations.

So it occurred to me today that there might be some kind of anxiety thing going on.

I know this is not the place to get any kind of diagnosis - only he can do that - but does this sort of thing sound like I might be on the right track?

Thanks,
Amiee

No one can tell you for sure what might be going on with him.....My advice would be to try and talk to him and suggest that he consider therapy. What he went through was traumatic. I am not qualified to say that it could cause PTSD. He really needs to see someone to determine this.....

It must have been(and still is)awful to have gone through what he did.....I can understand his reluctance to be around people, or to even want to bond with anyone actually. My heart goes out to him.....

How is he when you are both with a new set of people?

Is it only around your family?

Does he have other siblings?

How were his parents affected then and now?

Did he ever talk to a professional about his experience (trauma)?

You may want to check some websites with info about suicide and look in the area of "survivors of suicide victoms" this does not mean you survived your attempt but that you are a person who has lost a person to suicide. This may give you some insight into what he may be having difficulties with.

Cindy

Maybe they reminded him of his sister or of a trauma perpetrator he has not told you about. I have a hard time with people who are physically built like the perpetrators of my traumas.

Maybe they said something in the past (made an off the cuff remark, even) that made him nervous or triggered a painful memory.

Maybe he has this idea that your family won't accept him if they knew his sister suicided. He may think that his sister's actions reflect on him and his family.

Maybe he thinks those people are loud and obnoxious.

You recognize that something is going on. Wether its PTSD or something else... like you said yourself, only he can figure that out. But you can find ways to help him do that; encourage therapy, encourage him to talk with you, let him know that you are willing to help him when he is ready, etc.

Crowds, busy traffic, it is all stressful for me. I sometimes think I am trying to get rid of my loved ones so they don't experience what I'm feeling too. Shopping , especially at holiday time , is not going to happen.

Crowds, loud noises, people touching me. Too much input. Definitly no Christmas shopping.

Oh man, Christmas shopping... there is this one Wal-Mart in town that gave me a total panic attack at Christmas time and now it does 90% of the time simply because its always busy. I have decided not to go to that particular store if I can help it.

And it took me what seems like forever to explain that "too much input" thing to my husband. He likes to go shopping and take everything in and I get tired really quick if its crowded (or in video game stores where I'm constantly seeing sexual or violent images, which is sad because I love video games).

If I have to go shopping in a store or mall I always try to hit the dead times. During Christmas or holidays it usually is during the meal hours - 5 - 7 pm. I often shop for my groceries around 11pm or 6am. I also consolidate my trips to the store. Listening to my own music with a headset also allows me to go into my own world when shopping.

But, best of all, amazon.com, target.com, sears.com, etc. etc. etc.

Also, just discovered Craiglist.com.

I'm with you, Murphy's Law!

Sensory input = Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

I can't stand to be around people I don't know, unless there's a specific reason/necessity ... I go blank; I freeze. Very embarrassing, to say the least...and I brain-fart in the middle of a thought or sentence and I cannot retrieve the thread.

Fortunately, I am 49 years old and perimenopause is a convenient excuse for my brain-farts

I've become very -- perhaps too -- adept at keeping myself to myself. On the other hand, I'm learning how to "ration" my contact with others so that my intimates and friends get the best of me