Hi everyone, thanks so much for all your help but I fear I may have over reacted.

I spoke to my friend, and she laughed and said "Christ, if ever hit me I'd punch him back!". And reckons there is no way known she'd stick around.

They do seem to be a perfectly normal well adjusted couple. From what I've seen he treats her well and she confirms this. She said it happens so rarely (generally when he is under stress) that she almost can't believe it it's him, and then it's such a long time before the next incident.

We talked about her passing comments she's made and how it concerned me, and she agreed it's not acceptable - but she's never told him this!? Strange for someone who otherwise can be assertive if the need calls for it. We agreed that's the first step - to discuss it with him, rather then just take it. Or to risk it escalating (she doesn't think it is, she's just gotten tired of it, and realised it's not okay).

If it's something that's she's not able to resolve she's going to seek therapy/marriage counselling.

But I'm totally confident she's in no physical danger, hopefully it's something that can be resolved as otherwise she tells me they are very much in love.

Part of me agrees with tude, being removed from the situation and on this side of a game of telephone I wonder if I should mind my own business.

Part of me wonders which of her conversations I should be more inclined to take seriously. I have been in love with someone who didn't treat me right, and I defended her in regards to this while I was still involved with her.

I hope everything works out for her.