I not only suffer from PTSD but also Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder, Simple Partial Epilespsy, OCD, and Disosiative Identity Disorder.

Four years ago I went through body memory experiences of being raped by my father at the age of 13. I felt everything!! I am now 52 years old and am a raging maniac. I have been in therapy for over a year. I have no picture memory, I just know what happened and also now remember that he abused me from the time I was a baby until the age of seven. My brither was seven when I was born and he also mentally and emotionally abused me. I do not remember my childhood, most of my teens and right now most of my life. Since the body memorie experience I seem to be living in a fog and my life has gone to shit.

My memory is shot. I've lost touch with the world. I became Bipolar. I received the diagnosis of Diosiative Identity Disorder - which explains a lot of issues from many years ago. And I have become a rageaholic - hence the nickname Zero to Bitch.

Since the Bipolar began I have been hospitalized to get my moods (mania and depression) stabilized. That has been successfull. The rest is still very out of control. I find that the more time goes by the worse it is getting. I am on Zoloft, Topomax, Lamotrigine (both are also used for Epilepsy and Bipolar - mood stabilizer), and Temazepam for sleep - and I still have a difficult time getting and staying asleep.

I did a search about rage and found this site. What I read made a lot of sense so I signed up. I belong to a 12 step fellowship and have found peace for many years but the last four years have been getting progressively worse. I pray, I do my best to live by the spiritual principles I have learned and I still find myself raging out. I don't seem to be able to take that time out before reacting to respond like I used to. I am so frustrated with myself!!!

I know what I want out of life, I just can't get it within my grasp...

HI Zero,

There is hope. I too had a temper that was very similar to yours. People sometimes said I had a short fuse or none at all. I now very rarely get like this at all. So there is hope.

Welcome to the forum.....

Hi and welcome zero

tude

Welcome to the forum!

Hello ZTB,

Welcome to the forum, And Glad you found us!

I can read and hear the hurt, fear and enormous frustrations within all your words from your intro. post and I do hope you're continually practicing identifying and discussing perhaps with your therapist, your true emotions beneath this (ragaholism), and all to predictable surface of rage.

Sometimes in enormous desperation and willingness, one is fortunate to, and can or does accept, and therapuetically works at the roots of emotion first and the rest (further memory, continuing safe-exposure, and healing) is then allowed to most naturally follow.

ZTB, again Welcome to the forum and I do confess that I feel somewhat frustrated with myself and lacking in helpfulness today. Wishing you, however, the very best for you. Please take care.


Hope

Hi. Welcome to the forum.