Quote from Claire:

"Understand and emphasise, yes, but also to strive for change and encourage improvement in each other."

I agree 100% with this statement, Claire. Now I haven't been on this forum for very long, (approx. 2 months?), but from what I've seen, it seems like pretty much everyone does encourage others, offer hope, provide suggestions, etc. So far, I haven't seen anyone here who is just out for themselves or just pity-seekers. From what I've read, even though everyone does have their off days, they are also quick to provide insight and feedback to others as well as take insight and feedback themselves.

I guess I'm just afraid that by writing about a difficult time, situation, or whatever, that may be interpreted as pity-seeking when, in fact, it is just a cathartic release that is needed in order heal.

I agree with this point, nic. I often feel a need to 'vent', but worry that it will be considered attention seeking. When it is far from that - I hate getting attention, and would much rather hide in the background. But sometimes it's just feelings that I feel I need to write down, because I don't have anyone to talk to about such things.

I also find it quite hard to give advice. I think that is a self-esteem issue, in that I don't believe my opinion is worth anything...... but I am trying to improve in this and trying to give a little, instead of just taking.

Perhaps part of it is that we are giving too much sympathy? The more I think about it I haven't seen a horrible amount of "woe is me give me pity" posts (I've seen a lot of strength around here!) but I have seen more of the one line "sorry, that sucks..." to the new people who are coming...

Gawd, so many things here spoke to me it's hard to respond because I get so overwhelmed. Let's see, Wendy you definitely hit the nail on the head, Awakening too for that matter. I have always felt the need to be recognized. I have always felt invisible. When I first started burning and cutting myself it was because I wanted people to know I was in a tremendous amount of pain. Later, when I saw peoples reaction to it, it became more of a private issue. I didn't like the way people were responding but, I just wasn't ready to quit.

Now I have the desire to relate and be related to and that has caused me to reach out more... especially on this forum. In the last month/month in ahalf I have acquired 13 friends on this forum. This is such a big deal to me because I waited four months and watched how people posted and what they had to say before I invited them to my friends list. Some of them invited me but my answers to them were based on the same evaluation as the others. What kind of people did they appear to be... All seemed to have one thing in common... They cared. They had their own struggles but, they cared. That is empathy at it's best. I don't need no one to feel sorry for me. I just need you to give a shit.

Pandora, thank you in particular for encouraging me in my diary. It is initially why I took such an interest in you. I consider you a friend. Everything will work out for you, I just know it will.

Take care all, Morgan

That just reminded me... a few weeks ago my Mom asked what she could do for me, and I gave her the simplest answer I could give anyone (and sort of surprised myself)... "Just understand that its hard."

Awakening - I too was touched by your post. I can't even count how many years I looked for a rescuer. Which brings me to something else about your post - I don't really see what you are looking for as sympathy, I think instead it is a rescuer and I don't find those things synonymous. I never got the feeling from your post that you wanted someone to "pity you", but instead, to be there for you when you needed help (look at your examples: being in the hospital, getting kidnapped). For me, whenever I fantasized about that person, in the fantasy they always "seemed" like a rescuer, but in retrospect, I wasn't looking for a savior, I was simply looking for someone to love me like I thought that my mother should have loved me. I hope any of that made sense to anyone else except for me.

Being there for someone does not mean feeling sorry for them.

Best,
Rachel

My two cents,

Sympathy to me is when someone recognizes our sadness or situation but can not necessarily understand the pain that you are in.

Empathy on the other hand, means to me, the person who is responding to your pain understands it and quite possibly experienced it at one time.

So the key difference to me is the level of understanding and therefore the response will be different on the coping end.

Hope I made it clear for you to understand my meanings. Cindy

Thank you Morgan...I hope to be able to give more assistace once my life settles down...thank you for caring.

Nic, you should never worry about venting, instead you should actually use the word "Vent" in your title, as often people do when venting. This is text based, so it comes with no emotion. Venting can be easily interpreted for sympathy, absolutely. Topics like this help new members understand how to best vent without looking like sympathy, being to ensure the words are clearly used in headings and even text, ie. begin the vent with something like, "I need to vent this out because....."

This topic is already achieving learning for newer members. This topic is not new, do a search and you will discover. I raise this point every so often because new members arrive and fall into habits that are not new here, quite existing, though also closed down before they get out of hand. An ongoing thing really.... and no, a sticky nor FAQ does it as people just do not read everything before posting.

That is another topic though, being to get new members to reference existing threads and posts to point one another towards for ease of reading, discussion, etc... all of which has often been talked about here.

Hey, this is a great thread and discussion started here.

Oh' and as for the above suggestion, good one because I know I vent and don't often turn around and write -vent. Now likely, I will more often.

As for what's the differences between sympathy and empathy, there is no better way I've discovered for learning something of interest, but then to research it more thouroughly. So earlier this thread, inspired me to do just that. Thanks. There's also great understanding of what is empathy and its distinction to sympathy all over the internet.

Again, Great thread!