Trent,
You are not being rejected here; we welcome you! You have come to the right place to find others with PTSD. We don't tell anyone to just get over it. We are here to learn from each other how to heal. Welcome to the forum!

I have shyed away from this forum. It is nerve racking when you get scared of what you are writing and have to worry if you will be rejected or returned to moderation where one is watched constantly. It just reinterates feeling bad again about yourself. Feeling rejected by a forum that you were told by your T to get involved with and than being bounced out. I agree, we should stay on the positive side but when going through troubling times we revert backwards for awhile. I re-read my own replies before sending it and again after I sent it and don't see anything wrong with what I wrote for maybe days or weeks later. At the time it sounded right and good.

I have been feeling very uneasy and tense lately about this. I feel like crying. If we wrote dwelling all the time only about our past than I could see it being sympathy as one only wants everyone to know what they went through each time a new one enters the forum or joins. This would definitely be looking for only sympathy. Looking for sympathy would be like re-telling our story to everyone we write to.

When I write, I than feel like I am taking away from someone else's story by using the '" I would do things this way." I know what people mean by telling a more positive way of handling things and helping each other out but should we be sentenced for such a crime as sympathy?
sunnydaze

What about the trauma diaries? I got the impression that those, being more personal, could be the one place where nobody has to fear anything they say; even if it reeks of sympathy at least its contained in that area. I recognize that even there it can get out of control, but it just seems there is less of a worry there.

Trent and Sunnydaze and new members, if you stick around you will understand the reasoning that is used here. I didn't understand it at first and I was ready to leave because I found a few things to trigger me right off the bat. Mostly the editors were mean LOL, but I don't feel that way anymore.

When I first joined I was already in a disagreement with an editor. I thought what she said was harsh, and told her and other people that their opinions were mean and hurtful. But that was their opinion of the subject and I respect everyone's opinion. I still think that some of the things that were stated were harsh, but I got over it and moved on into healing here.

After sticking it out I realized that it wasn't personal toward me, it was to challenge me and help me understand a different way of thinking. It made me stronger and able to deal with other issues in my life.

Some of these threads will trigger us and make us wonder if anyone here even likes us at all. I was certain that no one liked me after joining and then immediately arguing with some one over an opinion. (One that is not popular in society) and I thought no one here was going to respond to my posts or help me but I was wrong.

I assure you I like everyone here and I've been triggered a ton of times by posts. That is the point of coming here so that you learn coping skills out in the real world. If we can't tolerate what people do in here how can we expect to cope out in the real world. Not everyone here is going to like you and that should be OK with you because personalities clash and that's the way it is.

This is not a hand holding forum and I'm glad. I thought that was what it was for while I was posting and learning to heal. I found out in time that wasn't the case and it only made me stronger and more able to deal with outside issues that I wasn't dealing with properly.

It is human nature to want to be liked and it's scary joining a forum and worrying about how others will perceive you. But if you can stick it out here eventually you won't care what anyone here thinks of you, and it won't scare you to be put in moderation for a mistake.

Every time I come in here I have to pay attention to what I do because I have ADD. I know I keep making editorial mistakes over and over but if I get put into moderation over one of them, I bet I will remember not to do it again. I'm not certain if what I'm posting here is "off topic" which could get me into moderation. If it does then I will be in moderation and I will realize not to do it again. I will figure this out and keep moving forward.

The point is that hand holding and letting people get away with breaking the rules only leads to the editors having more work in fixing things around here. They don't get paid and do this for free, and my inability to pay attention only frustrates them as it would me if I was an editor.

First read the editorial policy and try to understand it the best you can. I'm not perfect and don't catch things until I screw up 3 or 4 times (But I'm not going to beat myself up over it or be afraid of moderation either). So face the fear of making mistakes here and the possibility of being placed in moderation, and you will learn and only be stronger for it later.

This is how I perceive things to be here, and I hope it helped clarify some issues for new members.

Tammy

But you know, I have this huge fear of telling my story to friends and family because I don't want to get "the look". I can't stand that "oh, poor-you look". If I could tell my story and know that everyone would act exactly like they do now and nothing would change; the fear of talking would be diminished.

That is why I am comfortable with spiritual advisors and therapists. They give me direction and not pity.

Seeking Nirvana,
I thank you for the insite. You are an awesome writer. I truly do understand what is being said. To me some sympathy is good, too much is not good if you want to get well. I just don't want to be scared and not write. Helping on a positive note is what anyone of us should be more concerned on.
sunnydaze

I think that it is important that people maintain this; to write from the heart. None of us are overall experts. However, what we are, are experts (learning to be), in our own experiences. We have gained valuable insight(s) and knowledge from our own traumas, and how those traumas have affected us. We can relate and empathise but importantly we can highlight how we have perhaps dealt with similar experiences.

When we are relating to threads and posts I believe that most of the time we write from a place of understanding and reflection. However, there are times when we do just sympathise with a persons' situation and that might be because we do not have a direct experience, or perhaps we have not fully comprehended what the experience meant for ourselves.

It's tough to come on here and open yourself up (akin to the operating table), and then know how to write in a constructive manner.

I say concentrate on getting your own truths out there! Concentrate on finding your own truths. I am sure over time as people begin to do this they will become much more constructive.

After all how can you construct something you have not figured out for yourself? You can't! So muddle your way through, read, read read until you comprehend the meaning for yourself......

Don't we need a little of everything in order to prize out the positive stuff - if we are all going at this hammer and tong then we will not find a place of meaning? The mix of everything and everyone is what makes this work. i.e. one person's perception may trigger an alternative response in another person. Our differences are what facilitate the true meaning behind all of our banter - to look beyond your own perceptions and challenge YOURSELF. Not necessarily challenge everyone else lead by example!

We should just write from the heart and everyone will feel what we have to say- and the rest will all fall into place.

Just my thoughts!

Spirit x

I guess this is bothering me to some extent. I have read enough on here now to get how this works. I get it! I get it, that one guy runs the show! One guy decides the overall direction and intention of this place. One guy decides the overall principle to how he believes this forum should be used to facilitate healing.

Okay so I get that! And I am definitely not here to fight against that perception - it is what it is and I get it! However, I am a fighter in life always have been and always will be - I challenge. Ain't nothing wrong with that - challenges should be met with grace and an open mind in order to determine what the actual outcome of that challenge could be? A challenge should be a learned experience. Much like this post has been for me - the very premise of it challenged me and I decided to take that on. I was honest about where I was coming from and then I could see how I could grow from that if at all?

I guess I am just concerned that people will be concerned about posting their thoughts and ideas in case they are not constructive. Not everyone can write in that way - so are they dismissed? And if they are will this place not just end up with clones of one person? Don't we need the mix of different styles to find our own way? Don't they say that spice is the variety of life? Don't we need a little of that; people who push and challenge in order to promote more growth - can't we hold a hand if someone really needs it and then advise them later on when they are ready?

I want to hold peoples hands - I want to offer what little comfort I can. I want to offer more than just tough love and I want to do it on here!

Spirit x

'Sorry, it is 'variety is the spice of life'.

Spirit x

As Tammy stated, you get the idea as you read more here. People are taking this thread off in directions that have already been laid out in this very thread. Key points....

• Sympathy has a time and place, in limited use.
• Not every post or majority of posts a user makes should give or warrant sympathy.... clearly outline your intent as emotion is not passed in text unless you write it into the text.
• Your diary as outlined is the place for you to write what is in your head, NOT for you to put diary entries into thread in general or PTSD chat topics. Chats are for sharing your experience in a topic, not laying down a bleeding heart story that INTENTIONALLY asks for sympathy.
• If you post majority of posts in a "poor me" attitude, method, determination, you are INTENTIONALLY posting to suck sympathy from others....
• You are writing text.... very different from face to face talking. You must be very clear when you write, you must express emotion, you must express venting, you must express that whilst something may sound like sympathy, that that is not what you feel or warrant if the case.
• You must take into account that sympathy can be easily viewed when reading text.... you must think about that when you write on ANY forum or www community / social groups.

I take onboard the points about people being allowed to challenge certain things, however; that has a limited scope. For example, if you think you come here and challenge something you disagree with and are the first person, your highly likely incorrect.

Forum policy and rules have already been challenged to death, already had enough users input into them. Editorial policy and editorial decision IS NOT PERSONAL, it is about enforcing a sense of balance and guidelines into a community of various cultural and country differences. Any person who runs or moderates a popular forum with hundreds plus active users, you will know exactly what problems come with it.

You can message me and challenge something, I listen. Again, likely you are not the first to challenge it and you won't be the last, however; if rejected before it will be rejected over and over for reasons that have already been publicly disclosed and are searchable.

Where I will step in and close a person down, moderate or ban, is when they take that challenge across the forum and cause disruption to the forum overall. Keep a topic, challenge in one thread, ONCE ONLY, or via private means. You DO NOT take a private chat public because you do not agree with a decision.

People need to differentiate between what is acceptable as a challenge procedure vs. just not stopping or accepting a decision in the belief something is to be their way or they leave type scenario. Honestly, I have not heard a new challenge here in a long time... that hasn't already been challenged, reviewed and either implemented or rejected.

If the policies of this forum didn't exist, the forum would be an absolute shit fight of all different cultures and countries trying to dominate, and trust me from over a decade of online community experience, IT DOESN'T WORK.

Running a specific topic forum is very different to running a site like myspace, where you don't care what people do within the bounds of the law. Specific topics are very different and must be kept within a set of boundaries in order to function correctly. Just look at other forums who try and fail.... there are thousands that fail every week around the world because they think they can do it without many rules, or the adminstrators listen to too many members and constantly change in order for popularity, instead of making decisions based on overall community integrity.

If you think its easy, again, I highly encourage people to start their own forum and find out for themselves.... you might just get a horrible shock when members begin challenging the same thing over and over.... it is repetitive for administrators, yet each member often thinks they are the first to raise or challenge a point.

Sympathy is an aspect that DOES NOT help PTSD, it only helps promote a depressive state which is non-beneficial for the healing of PTSD. When you have healed PTSD, go for it.... be sympathetic all you want, but even then you will find that it doesn't help.

Again, all you have to do is post naturally.... but you must be cognisant that your words must engage emotion, because if you don't write specifically online then you leave interpretation for the reader which can go one of many ways.