I will try to be as articulate as possible but because I'm so confused on the whole matter, this may sound disjointed, so I apologize in advance.

My latest attempt at anti-depressants began in August of 2007. I needed to get on them because I was raging and my anxiety was out of control. I was put on Lexapro which stabilized my rages but not my anxiety. I was just on the Lexapro for 4 months but the Lexapro also made me extremely apathetic and took away my sex drive. As a result, my physician added Wellbutrin to the mix. After a few weeks of complete torture (hallucinations caused by the "pick me up" that Wellbutrin is known for), my physician took me off the combination and put me on 150 mg Effexor. My rages have calmed, however I still become irrationally angry. My anxiety is more manageable but take the Xanax for any bad attacks. Sleep is still currently a huge problem but I refuse to take the Trazodone because it makes me feel like a walking lava lamp. I still have no sex drive. I'm still not happy. I feel no emotions other than anxiety and the irrational anger when I have it. Beyond that, I feel nothing and my concentration is shot to hell. My husband said that my attention span is about 30 seconds long. If he's trying to tell me something he knows that he has to get it out in 30 seconds or less or else he knows that he's lost me. I'm zoning out more and more. I'm in bed half of the day and all of the night in a lucid sleep state.

Soooooo, *ugh*, I guess my question is this: what the hell am I going through? Is this depression (I do know what depression feels like and this does feel like depression but I'm on meds!!!)? Is this the meds making me feel like this? Do the meds need increased or should I just stop them? Obviously, I know no one here can make those decisions for me, but I'm just so damn confused. Shouldn't the meds be making me feel better?? Also, I am in therapy right now, so I'm not just relying on the meds.

I don't know who I am anymore and I'm not even sure I know who I used to be.

Help!

Best,
Rachel

Rachel, sometimes the meds help too much. In my case it is perfect cause i Don't want to instigate sex... Oh no! When you have a partner you need to feel that sexual feeling. I don't know what drugs help or inhibit that. I do know that touching and talking can help. But I'm at a loss other than that! Good luck with this.

Take care, Morgan

Medication is trial and error.... anti-depressants do factually and scientifically increase depression in many who take them, or when combined with another medication they have that effect. Go figure.... nothing new, just fact. Depression medication is not a good medication to ever be upon, instead you should take medications to control anxiety and seek other means to control depression, such as daily exercise and healthy eating is the best known and factually proven method to combat depression without making you worse. You just have to force yourself into that lifestyle change and you make time daily to get out and go for a good walk, do something practicable, etc, for atleast an hour a day.

Healthy eating and diet by itself can drastically reduce depression, let alone when combined with exercise the combination is near unbeatable. Medication is not the solution for depression IMHO. Anxiety yes, depression no.

Anthony,

I do agree about changing my lifestyle - exercising and a healthy diet - my husband is a huge advocate for exercising, I just need the motivation.

However - what about the rages? I'm terrified of going off the meds because of the raging, which doesn't just hurt me, but it hurts others - my husband and my daughter. This is where I'm just so torn. I'm in therapy to work on this but it is going to take a while and what do I do in the mean time?

The simple answer to withdrawals is..... put up with it and fight through it, as do those around you. Withdrawing from medication is no different than heroin... your body has come dependent upon the drug. Remove the drug, your body has adverse reactions, including mood. Those around you must simply be aware, you must not use it as an excuse, but instead do your best to fight through the withdrawals. It takes anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks to withdraw from medications, and even then it must be done correctly, slowly, a tapered approach.

Your anger is not medication though, as anger is not an emotion, its an emotional response. Depression medication has nothing to do with this.... there is no reason that you simply cannot come off all these meds and go onto just one anxiety medication, such as Xanax or the like. If you need anti-depressants, have you tried the most common form, being Prozac? Small doses of medications are also beneficial than the recommended dosage.

Do not rely just upon your physician for medication advice, instead seek advice from specialists.... even engage the services of a medication specialist to help you. Doctors sell drugs, some more than others, which is why I say not to always trust your physician in this area. Use commonsense, do research, find the facts for yourself, then trial and error is still the only method to find what works specifically for you. Lexapro is just a nasty medication overall, and I would advise you to get off it as it typically make depression worse from all accounts I have feedback, including my own experience with the drug. Go to more common drugs such as prozac if you need depression meds. I would recommend you get motivated though instead of anti-depressant medication. Again, only you can do it and only you can choose for you.... your choices, you live by them.

Hey Anthony - I'm not really worried about "withdrawals", I'm more concerned with returning to the rages that I was experiencing before going on the meds. I was never really put on the meds because I was "depressed", I got on them for my anxiety and rage. I don't want to hurt myself or others with my rage if I go off of the meds. And I guess the question still remains, am I just going through a depression or are the meds making me depressed? aaaarrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should see a med specialist, but I've never seen one before.

I have not tried Prozac, however my therapist thinks Paxil would work really well for me. I just feel like a test tube these days.

You know that the drugs are working if you feel at peace most of the time.

Ok, I can understand that. Anger though is an emotional response, and medication won't actually calm a response of anger, rage, etc... it only suppresses the emotion in an attempt, though always fails. People ask me how one comes off medication to live without it, or with only small doses compared to normal dosage. The answer still remains the same.... one must deal with the trauma, the fear, the negative stigma that you feel. I guess the answer really is what works for you best. Obviously a medication is making you depressed, as that is a side effect off anti-depressants and some other anxiety medications, in that they actually make depression worse. That means you have to change meds.... yes, I understand you feeling like a test tube for medications, unfortunately you must endure the process to find what works best for you as what your on is failing you.

My opinion only.... I would remove yourself from Lexapro immediately if still taking it. That is a known to increase suicidal ideation. Ditch it and replace the medication with something more common such as Prozac or similar. Lexapro is still quite new onto the market compared to Prozac. Whilst all medications have side effects, some more than others still.

You could easily wipe out all your medications for just one anxiety med. If you do one and one only, and being not one that is trying to treat two major issues, being anxiety and depression which is what Lexapro attempts and fails, then you will have a more stable foundation to base your approach upon. Example, go onto xanax and measure the results of your anxiety. If you improve greatly with little to no major side effects, stick with it. If not, exchange that drug for another, DO NOT allow your physician to prescribe more drugs to counter side effects of the one drug.... which is what is occurring to you from what your saying. That is a big no no.... one drug and it either works or it doesn't. You don't take more drugs to treat side effects, you just try another medication until you find the one that treats your anxiety with the least and little side effects as possible. Find it, stick with it and work like hell on your trauma.

I say that because your body will build immunity to that drug that works, and you will have to withdraw and change it. So you may as well just face all your fears on the drug that works best for you, then taper of that drug as your healing improves, then remove it or remain on a low dosage to just calm the minor constant anxiety that PTSD often stems for what PTSD is.

I would honestly seek a medication specialist though if you can, especially if you are being given drugs to treat side effects of another drug... that is all just wrong.

My uncle has issue with rage and he takes Noritriptiline. Of course he doesn't work on his anger issues so the medication fails some times, but I noticed an improvement in him.

Maybe you could ask your doctor about this medication for rage?

Peace
Tammy

I seldom post anything which disagrees with anyone, because most of the time differences of opinion are just that. But on this issue I feel the need to add my own experience to the mix.

I have suffered at least six major depressive episodes across over thirty years. For most of that time I was undiagnosed and untreated. Some of the time I did all the right things, eating and exercising, and these things perhaps made it possible for me to remain functional enough to get to my therapist's office. But I was not relieved of constant suicidal ideation, intolerable alienation and a physical sense of darkness and heaviness inside my very brain. Social interactions remained torturous. Work was impossible.

I am now on an antidepressant medication, and have been for 18 months. It took me a while to find the one that worked for me and which has no noticeable side effects for me. I may have to be on it for the rest of my life, and I am ok with that, becuase I understand that with the support of this chemical, I will probably actually remain alive. I bear long scars up both arms from my last encounter with a major depressive episode.

Antidepressants are not 'an exact science' But they can, and do save lives. Some lives anyhow, mine being one.