OK, it has been a couple months since even peeking here but I only grazed this topic... Grace what you posted made much sense, OK, total sense. I think we do need a fair bit of softness in with all the harshness that is typical. It all goes hand in hand but will be fair enough to say I do not know the latest underlying topic is bringing this to surface. But I must say things are pretty reptitive as I feel like I came in exactly where I left off.

Will I stay? Dunno... Been busy in a good way.

This is an interesting thread. I don't see myself as seeking sympathy. I'm not that interested in being a victim. But this also isn't where I'm seeking to work through trauma and be pushed- that's what I'm seeing a psychiatrist for. This forum for me is for support and information.

What bothers me more is not whether sympathy is good or bad, but that there seems to be the idea that a) some emotions are wrong and b) that there is only one way to get better. I think it's important to have some ideological diversity here- not everyone needs or benefits from the same thing. We don't all need to agreed on the 'right way' to get better or the 'right way' to post (though some limits are likely necessary here).

I, for one, find the references to PTSD as a lifelong sentence to be discouraging, for example, and being pushed and prodded here might make me worse (as I'd just be constantly dissociating). And, for those reasons, I avoid those threads and topics. We've all got to find our own way of seeking what we need and offering what we can. The forum can fill gaps in our real life treatment or support networks, but those gaps are going to vary person by person.

Well, personally, I can't stand the sympathy. I don't like it directed towards me.. and stay the hell out of sympathy threads.

Sympathy makes me highly uncomfortable. I don't want nor need pity. Empathy I would take any day of the week.

Now there are many definitions of sympathy.. I believe the one being discussed here is: "noun" a feeling of pity or sorrow for a person in trouble. When this particular brand of sympathy starts to run rampant.. all encouragement to problem solve, resolve issues, and have personal responsibility for ones state of mind (this is within reason with ptsd.. here) goes out the window. It then becomes just a poor you.. poor me attitude that goes into a never ending circle that drags everyone down.

That's my take on it.

Hmmmmm!

Some honesty from me!

When I saw the thread it looked and seemed bolder and brighter than any of the other threads on the whole of that page. It stood so far out that it was almost waving a flag at me. And here is the honesty, it felt like a red flag to a bull, and I wanted to dig my hooves in and charge at that reg flag as defiantly as I could. I wanted to charge it down and deny it's (the threads), intentions!

However, I mentally and emotinally stood back and waited to assimilate my feelings ( I feel first think much later), now I am self aware concerning this I try to be adult and stand back first!

I pondered! Why did that thread wave a red flag at me?......And my honest answer is because it was a trigger. It triggered the negative internal chatter I have about myself. You know, I am pathetic, stupid, on the pitty pot, all the feelings associated with self-pity and my own self-hatred. So that thread was tapping into my negative thought patterns, and it was as if it was only addressed to me, rather than the whole forum. As if Anthony was only addressing me - I am sure others' have felt the same, it's part of our negative thinking right?

Today, I can see what Anthony is suggesting. However, I guess the complexities that we all have in every day life concerning communicating our thoughts and ideas are that although many of us use the same words we can speak a different language. I mean, words are emotive aren't they? Some words we identify with, and others' we don't some are like a red flag to a bull! And I guess that recognising this is Okay!

At the end of the day if we are all brutally honest of course we want sympathy, it is part of feeling validated; feeling like the pain that you have suffered is real and is as terrible as it feels at times. We may also shun from sympathy because it again taps into our negative thought patterns concerning ourselves. Receiving sympathy can reinforce the negative chatter we hold concerning who we are and how we are dealing with our pain.

So if we accept that by merely being here on the forum we are all highlighting that we have sympathy for ourselves and each other.
The key part of this, I feel, is that we have to be constructive with our sympathy. We have to use each other as a sounding board to bounce ideas off concerning how we can combat how we are feeling rather than just validating each others' pain. Don't we validate the pain of each person we respond to by answering their posts and trying to give them a different perspective anyway?

The forum is made up of many ingerdients, empathy, insight, compassion, understanding, support, knoweldge and all of these come with a pinch of sympathy, I guess a little to much of this ingredient and the whole thing will be spolied.

Spirit x

Hi Bec, glad to see you back and posting. Most of your comments have always resonated with me and make sense. I liked how you challenged everyone (not at first LOL but after I realized the point in it)

Thanks for the help you have given me when I first started out here.

Take care
Tammy

"I pondered! Why did that thread wave a red flag at me?......And my honest answer is because it was a trigger. It triggered the negative internal chatter I have about myself. You know, I am pathetic, stupid, on the pitty pot, all the feelings associated with self-pity and my own self-hatred. So that thread was tapping into my negative thought patterns, and it was as if it was only addressed to me, rather than the whole forum. As if Anthony was only addressing me - I am sure others' have felt the same, it's part of our negative thinking right?"

****I think when some one posts something we all wonder if it is aimed at us. LOL It's really hard to figure that out some times. Initially, I didn't think he was referring to me, but I had a few people in mind. However I could be wrong.

"At the end of the day if we are all brutally honest of course we want sympathy, it is part of feeling validated; feeling like the pain that you have suffered is real and is as terrible as it feels at times. We may also shun from sympathy because it again taps into our negative thought patterns concerning ourselves. Receiving sympathy can reinforce the negative chatter we hold concerning who we are and how we are dealing with our pain."

****I may be in denial and will think further about what you stated. But I really feel I don't want sympathy at the end of the day. The word makes me feel nauseous. I suppose if my children or husband were to pass away I would want sympathy then, but other than that I can't see myself wanting it now or at the end of the day. It just doesn't resonate with me. But I'm going to do a self-inventory on this just to make sure I'm not in denial.

The forum is made up of many ingerdients, empathy, insight, compassion, understanding, support, knoweldge and all of these come with a pinch of sympathy, I guess a little to much of this ingredient and the whole thing will be spolied.

***I agree with you here. This makes a lot of sense.


Tammy
Lord have mercy I still do not know how to use the quote option to reply to only certain things in a post. Some one who has time, please PM me and help me figure this out.

Yes, Welcome back, Becvan!
I missed you!

Spirit.. I liked this.. and I'm quite impressed you picked up on it! Sympathy is a very negative thing to me.. My mother was a sympathy seeker and I just despise this reaction, behavior and emotion because of it. Hence why I stay out of those threads.. lol me going all rabid on some poor soul because it triggers me is so not right! However I do firmly believe that not everyone secretly wants it. If I were healthier, I would still not want it. It's just not the person I am. And, let's face it, I'm not that unique! LMAO....


NS & 2Quilt: thanks so much for the welcome back! I missed you guys too! :)

bec

Guess I got the natives somewhat stirred up. I was a little irritated when I started this topic and I am in the same shape now. This of course is no ones fault but mine and I need to own my attitude/

I am however very glad to see Veiled and Becvan back with us. I have missed their input. I hope to see them participating in other areas.

I just re read my orginal post on this topic and I think many of you got the wrong idea about the actual subject of this.

Yes, sympathy is the subject, BUT, I was intending for this to be directed toward the idea that giving sympathy that you dog died, or your car broke down , or you gave your cat away! Things like that

I in no way meant that we needed to do the Oh you poor soul, you are having a bad attack today. Of course an occassional dose of that could not hurt either.

It is MHO that there are differences in the intensity of our various conditions because of their causes. I may react completely different that a war stress soldier even though we both have PTSD. So herefore should we not be looked at and handled in a slightly different manor. Not to mention the simple fact of everyone responds differently.

I just think the thread that Anthony wrote was way to harsh. It would have helped had he had just a little more tact in his writing.

Well, so much for my 5 cents worth of &^%$