dlross, you are correct!
I agree completely.

Wow are you guys a bunch of hard asses.. LOL just kidding.

I find it interesting that things like disassociation are being reckoned as an unacceptable behavior.

What is do nothing? How do the carers define that? Is do nothing not doing what you think? Is do nothing working on symptoms alone? Is do nothing something else?

So the line being drawn here is the carer is getting hurt. What about baby steps to learning new ways to cope?

Denial is also a stage. It's a step we all have to take at some point. Should sufferers be tossed on their ass simply for being in this stage?

Justifiable is not being asked here as a question to dismiss responsibility of the sufferer or give excuses to the sufferer, it's asking where and how the lines are drawn with each symptom from a CARER's perspective. We sufferers have a completely different viewpoint on this (and yes your input is appreciated) however us Sufferers need to openly discuss this to discover our limitations and viewpoints also.

Please remember that I am both an active carer and sufferer.

bec

You are the wise one Bec as you get to see both sides. If only I could really understand PTSD as I still don't really get it.

Wise one? OMG.. lol far from it... and truly.. you don't really want to understand it as much as I.. because then you would have it... and I wouldn't wish this on my mother.. and that says a lot!

Hmm, I have a question -

How does one define a "carer"? Is a "carer" someone who has been with their boy/girlfriend for less than a year and they don't live together?

To me, the word "carer" could mean two very different things here:

1. To care (as in affection) for someone with PTSD
2. To care for, as in, actively helping to manage the sufferers daily life.

The responses to this thread are going to vary significantly between these two individuals.

Best,
Rachel

Very good question. I see a carer as one who deals with and helps a sufferer daily( or close to daily.) Just because you care about someone doesn't mean your "caring" for them. Be interesting to see other takes on this question.

bec

This forum was changed to "carer" from "spouse" for that exact reason, as a "carer" of a sufferer could be a partner, family member or friend. The word "carer" was chosen for that exact reason, to mean a person who cares for a sufferer without relationship coming into the equation.

I would think that it doesn't matter if you are in a relationship with a sufferer.. but that as long as you care for the sufferer and wish to be more someone who can help then doing harm by understanding what they are dealing with and going through then you are a carer. I think most come here to get knowledge so they can better understand and know what to do and what not to do in regards to the sufferer in their life.

With regards to a sufferers' actions being "justifiable" (by their carer), that's quite subjective and vast if we are talking about the difference between two people who are in a very serious committed relationship or two people who are dating.

I would not expect my boyfriend of 6 months, who does not live with me, to excuse a "shut out" of weeks or more.

However, I do expect my husband to, if that should ever happen (and it could!). Why? Because he made a commitment to me when we married and he knew before we wed that I had PTSD.

I think it all comes down to the commitment that the two individuals made together. If there is no commitment, then how can there be expectations?

I beg to differ. Anthony has had my commitment since early on into our relationship. When he told me about his PTSD and I didn't run the other way, I made a non verbal commitment to accept his illness. It way my choice at that time to leave or stay as it has been going forward. I consider Anthony my partner as he does me. We make plans for the future and will marry one day but that is not high on the list of priorities right now with so many other things going on. Does that mean we are not committed as we have not taken any formal vows - I don't think so.

Personally, I do not believe that a wedding ring means I should put up with more than I do without one. If I am in a relationship I am committed full stop. It does not change.