Hi all,
My story begins feb of 06. I spent a year in afganistan and had to endure ied's, suicide bombers, rockets and bullets the whole time. For me it was an incredable adventure until my unit started taking effective casulty's. I lost alot of friends, most in front of my own eyes. It's hard to explain to most of my family and friends so I end up not saying very much.
Coming back home I started to notice a difference in my attitude and disposition. I felt like nothing was ever safe, and I couldn't stop the images and nightmares no matter what i did. I got some help through the military mental health services. Things seemed to get better. I was on some meds and seeing someone about twicce a month.
I met a wonderful woman and fell head over heel's in love with her. I never had the heart to talk to her about some of the things that I was dealing with. How could I put that kinda thing on her. So I kept it in.
As things with the gf and the home business started to get better, it felt like my brain started to work against me. I couldn't face any sort of challenge, I had a few family members die, and i couldn't even bring myself to go to the funerals. I started drinking and medicating myself to the point that I was blacking out completely. My wonderful caring girlfriend had no idea what was wrong with me and she couldn't take it anymore. She left me because I scared her away.
I only started to open my eyes when one of my good friends who was going through alot of stuff that I was going through commited suicide. He a good friend, a great soldier who couldn't face the demon's in his mind anymore. But I realized at how much I could hurt the people around me by leaving them and the absolute last thing in the world that I want to do is to hurt anyone I love.
The Gov is sending me to an operational stress injury clinic now, and I am really paying attention.
My Girlfriend is such a wonderful girl, I love her alot and it breaks my heart that she would leave me alone in this situation but I cannot blame her. I'm wondering if anyone has left for a clinic and was able to rebuild a relationship with someone dear to them.
It's kinda the extrem short version of my story but it covers most of the bases.
The thing is, I feel that I have lost so much, no one that knows me wants anything to do with me and I've lost my career and so many members of my family. I just want to be able to deal like regular people,

Thanks for listening

I am a Desert Storm vet, so I did not go through the same things you have seen, but I feel that we have PTSD in common and experience with the VA and relationship problems in common.

I would say never give up on your healing. You are doing the right thing by getting treatment for your mental health. When that program at the VA ends, consider going to a civilian therapist. I went through the VA program specifically for women vets, and when it ended, I could not stay in there because the waiting list to get into the program was so long. I have a wonderful civilian therapist now.

This forum is also a great place to get info and meet others with PTSD, for a variety of causes, but PTSD just the same. It's a welcoming group of people from several different allied countries.

Don't give up. You may be able to repair relationships if those people are willing to learn about PTSD and if they are willing to participate in your healing.

Hi cdnvet, and welcome to the forum. I haven't been in your situation so I can't answer your questions. We all have PTSD here so there will be support for you and a lot of information to read to help you through this rough time.

Peace
Tammy

Welcome cdnvet! I'm not a war vet and haven't been through the same things, but I can relate to what you're presently going through. I hope this can be a good place for you!

Thanks for the feedback. I think that even though everyone who finds them selves with this condition arrived there in different and unique circumstances, the common thing with all of us is how life has been affected after the fact. I don't think that my gf is interested in taking back a "broken man" as she says. But I am happy to see that there are people i can relate to.

Welcome ! I hope we can help and listen to you on your journey.

When we ask, 'Why are we here?' my response is you are meant to do something in the future. Who knows what that may be? Saving someone elses life? Giving food to someone in need? Reuniting with your girl friend? Who knows, but I have faith that you are going to make a difference in some way just by simply being.

Hi cdnvet,

I don't have any answers for you but if you want to rant to a fellow soldier, ;) just let me know.