I've been looking through some of the other introductions, and I have to say that my own experiences have not been as awful as what many here have gone through. This makes me feel guilty on top of everything else for seeking support for my own emotional needs right now. Yet, the need for understanding and support is strong enough that I hope this community can help me.

One year ago, today - April 9th - my then 18 year old daughter was shot in the head by her boyfriend. Her father called me immediately after he found her and had called 911. The thing is - I'm in the Foreign Service and I live halfway around the world. I spent the next 24 hours trying to get back home to what I thought was going to be my firstborn child's funeral.

The good news is that she lived. The bad news is that she will never be the same again. My nightmare continues as I try to fight her father to get her the care and therapy she needs to continue progressing in the healing process. It's hard to do from so far away. (and, he is an emotional abuser...part of why we aren't married any longer...)

One year from that date I'm having flashbacks to when I received the call from her father, and to moments sitting in horror watching my child "posturing" in the ICU while we wait for her to die because the doctor said she would. I cry at the drop of a hat because I'm finally having to accept that my little girl is gone and there is a new person I have to get to know....but I don't get to spend much time with her. And, I grieve over the loss of my daughter who was about to go off to college and now she has to be reminded to brush her hair.

I guess I'm hoping to hear that these feelings are "normal" after going through something like this. I want to believe that time really can heal these wounds and someday I can look back on the last "real" conversation I had with my daughter and smile because it was a wonderful chat instead of crying because it was the last one I had with her before "IT" happened.

I hope that's not too much info for my introduction, but the way I feel today it just keeps all "gushing out."

Hi howdoifixit,

one thing I have had to keep reminding myself of in the short time I have been 'here' at the forum, is the importance of not comparing my experiences of trauma and its results to those of others. When I read what you wrote I know that your pain is real and vivid and worthy of compassion and in need of healing, just like everyone else's.
I am saddened to read what happened to your daughter, to you. Pale words, but the best I can offer. I hope you find the support and kindness you need, here and wherever else you seek it.
Welcome.

Looks like you've been through hell. Most of us here have been through our own version of hell, but yours is just as valid as the next person's.

What you're feeling is what some of us like to call a normal reaction to an abnormal experience.

I hope you find what you're looking for here. I have found that it helps to write, if you'd like to continue writing your story I would recommend the trauma diaries section:
http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum32.html

Welcome!

Each person's trauma is unique to them. To say yours is less than mine is very judgmental, or the other way around. Pain is pain, fear is fear. It is no different in I, than it is in you. Cut yourself some slack. Trauma is trauma, no matter what form it comes in or how much of it. What matters is the fact that this is adversely affecting you.

Your are recognizing that your have emotional needs and are reaching out to meet them. That is a huge step and you should be patting yourself on your back, not guilt-tripping yourself over it.

Welcome to the forum.

bec

Hello howdoifixit, and welcome to the forum. I hope you find the support you need. There is a lot of reading material here to help you.

Tammy