I hear a lot about people switching therapists or doctors and I wonder, what makes you stay when you find the good one? I like my doctor because he pays attention, maintains eye contact, and acts like everything I say is important. He doesn't go nuts with prescriptions either.

I'm trying to find a new medical doctor now since I've moved but the first one I tried wanted to prescribe me a $400 medication (that's WITH insurance) for anxiety. I am not going back to him.

The doctors I prefer are the ones that do not rush you out of their office and they listen to what I say, even if it takes me a while to get it out. It angers me when a doctor cuts me off and tells me how I feel or listens but obviously doesn't hear me or thinks I do not know what I am talking about.

With a therapist I need one that listens but also helps me along sometimes and share a little with me; instead of me talking and them just staring at me. I prefer a flowing conversation. It helps me feel comfortable and build trust. If they can accept my comic relief and smile with me when I need a break, then they really win my approval.

I want mine to be ethical, not to make my life choices for me but to let me do that, to ask good questions, to explain why she wants to do a specific test or procedure, to be compassionate when I am afraid, to explain medicine in terms I understand, not to make fun of me when I tell her that I can feel my pancreas bubbling, but explain to me why that's impossible without being condescending. If something is going to hurt, tell me the truth and give me time to get ready. If i don't want to do a procedure because I am an incest survivor, but she thinks that I really have to get this procedure done, I would prefer that she not give me a harsh, cold ultimatum, but be understanding and work with me to find options or make it easier for me to get through the procedure with minimal trauma. Don't be a dictator, be a health partner. Never lie to me.

For a therapist, some of those things apply, but also be a good listener, ask good questions, be considerate of my time, be ethical, I can't think of any more right now.

Yes, I agree Cecilia! I throw in a joke, and if the therapist or doctor ignores me, he loses points. I prefer a flowing conversation too. I know that it's not universally approved for doctor and therapists to reveal personal facts to patients, but I do ask anyway if my therapist has ever had depression. I like to know if he can understand my feelings because he has felt them also.

It's like a phrase I heard once: why would you go to a male gynocologist? That's like taking your car to a mechanic who has never owned a car.

Although the parallels are not truely the same; I have met male gyn doctor who are very knowledgeable, but I prefer to go to a mental health provider who has some personal knowledge of what my life is like. I don't ask for details, and we don't discuss my therapist's trauma if he has PTSD, but I would like to know what my therapist did to heal that worked or did not work. I feel more bonded to him that way. I mean, we are all human.

I've been through a few counselors/therapists myself. I have found that if the person has a prescription pad, I'm gonna get meds. I went to one doc, the first time we talked, I walked out with 3 prescriptions. -_- I tried them. One of them was a $80 sleeping pill. One was Xanax, and I forget the other. The Xanax GAVE me an anxiety attack. The sleeping pill kept me awake, and I was just miserable. I went back a second time, just for the xanax to be dropped and Wellbutrin XL to be added in its place. This just made me sad.

The best counselors that I've had were just that, counselors. My first counselor was a psych student!! He was awesome. I forget his name now, but when I needed a counselor a year later, he had moved on.

The other was a counselor that just listened to me and gave advice, and just let me get things off my chest. I always left his office being at peace with myself.

I've moved and I can't see either of the counselors that I was seeing and it's looking like I need to start seeing one again. The thing with me is that I have Anxiety, and these doc's want to call it depression and treat it. I've had soo many adverse reactions to psychotropic drugs that I don't need, and when I told my family practice doctor what I had taken and what reactions I was having, they though GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and prescribed me Ativan. PERFECT! I know that this is supposed to be a "band-aid" drug, but it is the thing that takes care of my anxiety. Yes, it's a drug, yes I know that a certain level of experimentation needs to happen to find the right drugs, but I only needed the Ativan when I wasn't in counseling. With counseling, I didn't need anything but my once a week visit. :3

(**wonders if he has lost the point of his post**)

Bingo, Lucky Laser! You've described my doctor in a nutshell. All in all, there's a feeling of shared humanity that comes off a physician who's taken the Hippocratic oath to heart ... My own doc -- as rushed as he is (I can feel the expectations of the clock weighing on him sometimes), always makes genuine contact with me. He is kind and gentle and we have 20 years behind us now. His perspective is moderate and as holistic as he can make it within the constraints of time. He considers my opinions and perspectives; he never speaks down to me. He knows my history and respects its impact on me. He recently went through a bout with cancer ... was off for a year. He's been deeply marked by his experience and remains gentle and kind.

Thoughts re: a therapist...

First and most important to me: Is this person doing his own inner work? Part of a professional body; receiving regular supervision/mentoring? (I worked for 18 years in the social service/psychology field, and some of the most f***ed up people I've ever met are therapists/social workers...! On the other hand, I worked for several years with a mentor/therapist who was a true shaman...an elder...a healer. There are some genuine soul-doctors out there!)

What education ... clinical training ... certifications ... professional affiliations, etc., does this person have? (You might want to Google the person's name.)

How long in practice? Areas of specialty? Anything he won't work with? (A therapist must know and respect his clinical boundaries --> what he is qualified to deal with, and what he is not.)

What specific training/certification/professional experience does she have regarding your concern(s)?

Does he remind you of anyone else in your life? (Very important to consider!)

Fees: sliding scale? Forms of payment? Fee for an initial consult?

If after the initial consult you want to have a "trial" period of say, three sessions, is the therapist willing to do this? Willing to assess with you what's been happening and whether this is a good fit?

Paperwork? Does she take notes? Contracts? Documentation?

Confidentiality: essential to understand the therapist's policy and boundaries here. Under what conditions will/must he infringe on confidentiality? Who will he discuss your work with (i.e., supervision), and how will he refer to you?

Will he give you an overview of how he works --> methods, schools of thought (i.e., Gestalt, Jungian, cognitive-behvioural, bodywork, Buddhist, EMDR, etc.)

How does she generally view human beings/the human condition? (A great way to suss out essential beliefs and attitudes.)

How do you feel being in his office? Notice neatness/clutter, colours, sounds (and soundproofing), air quality/scents, comfort of furniture, art, etc. Is he sitting behind a desk?

Therapist's appearance, composure, and posture.

What life experience does this person share with your own --> i.e., PTSD? You have the right -- and the resposibility! -- to ask any questions you wish. How the therapist responds to your enquiries is very telling! (Someone who perpetually stonewalls genuine contact...throws back a question for every one of yours...babbles on about his/her own issues ad nauseum...gnaws on a pencil while s/he stares at you like you've got two heads...has one eyeball on the clock...RUN! )

I've had several therapists, and I consulted briefly with occasional others. The worst of them wanted me to call her "Mom" -- and pay her for it; the best were willing to plunge into some horrific waters with me and stay the course with integrity, grit, temperance, clarity and faith. Two people were genuinely willing to bond with me (and I with them). There were difficulties that arose with them -- as in any intimate relationship -- but they were willing to listen, learn, do their own work, and ultimately let me go when our time was finished. Both are retired now; I maintain contact with one and consider him my spiritual father.

Remember this: you are hiring this person to help you. You are, in effect, conducting a job interview. The last time I went in search of a therapist, I had a list of questions like the ones above, and asked them of each person. How they responded told me as much as what they told me. I interviewed five potentials this way and I learned so much during the process.

Remember this, too: you hire your therapist, and you can fire your therapist.

Ultimately, do your best to pay attention to your gut. What's your instinctive sense about this person, both during and after your time together?

Whew! This is an amazing thread...all the thoughts and experience offered here really got my mind blazing

This question has been really hard for me to answer. Sometimes there is an element to a person that can't be described in words, but when in the presence of that other person, a sense of connectedness is felt. I always hope and want to feel that way with my therapist.

But for more of a concrete answer, I need my therapist to be nonjudgmental, down to earth, reliable, and to respect my religious beliefs (or lack thereof). I need for my therapist to know how to use our time wisely.

I need my therapist to challenge me while at the same time show an understanding of how difficult it might be for me. I need my therapist to be open to innovation and not be stuck in old practices.

Hmm, that's all I can think of right now, I'm sure there is more - again, this was much harder than I expected.

I agree with most that was said here. I would like to add to it though.

Non-judgemental is key, and accepting your beliefs. BUT, I also want them to challenge me 'gently' if I am saying BS and denying, hiding, or shutting down. I expect them to educate me. I expect them to respect my intelligence but also realize on some of the basic emotions I am illiterate.
I expect them to guide me with their questions and challenges. I expect them to take my lead when I am onto something.

I want a therapist who is highly trained, highly intelligent, and not afraid to tangle with me when I am loaded for bear. I've taught rhetoric and writing and some logic and philosophy, and I can be very persuasive and manipulative when I am depressed. I have to think the T is smarter than I am, or I will blow off what is presented to me.

A friend of mine once told me "Your therapist does not have to be smarter than you are, just a better therapist than you are." She is right, but I am just being honest when I reflect on the fact that when I am depressed and not thinking productively, I am very good at dismissing and rationalizing, so as long as I feel like I've met my match, I will still listen.

Sounds arrogant, I guess, but through my whole life I have used intelligence and humor as weapons to contain my bipolar and PTSD.

p.s. I want a T with a PhD in psychology, not a psychiatrist.

Psychiatrists are lackeys of the drug companies, and they may as well decorate themselves like race cars, with stickers that read Glaxo/Klein, Mallinckrodt, Pfizer, and the names of all the other multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical pill pushers. Motherf*#@ers...