Ahh, yes I relate to that one. Feeling like a fraud, well said. I still struggle with this on and off. Some days I think to myself, jeez just pull your socks up lady and stop whining. Then I get smacked between the eyes with some nasty symptoms and that shuts it up pretty fast.

Have you addressed this feeling in counseling? Found ways to combat it? This is a form of conditioning we learn from secondary wounding. Just get over it.

When I get like this, I force myself to look at the big picture, not the trauma. I go through what symptoms I have, how severe they are, how stable I am, how am I functioning. Then I ask myself if that is worthy of help. Of course it is. No one wants to live like this. Perhaps try that for the short term?

I don't find that my therapy gives me attention (and frankly I haven't noticed too much empathy.. just enough that I'm willing to share with her.) I instead work on coping techniques and which ones to try or change, which ones are working. It's very focused. Really it sounds like a big part of your disgust with the therapy is the lack of direction. Sounds like now is a good time for you to start pushing!

As for the fearing to get raped, how can you say that isn't traumatic? It sure as hell is. Thinking someone is going to do something terrible to you can be just as bad as something terrible being done to you. And you know what? Your symptoms prove that.

bec

I separated these two. I wanted to discuss this one all on it's own.

I will share a wee bit of my story here first. When I was in my teens, I had this flash of a memory. All I could remember was being little and some guy was dressed in the "Freddy Cruger" style shirt with a knife. He was standing on one side of the door and me on the other. He told me he was going to kill me. I had no idea what this memory was, where it came from, if it was real. It really invoked complete terror in me though. I didn't get along with my family so it took me a few years to ask anyone if they knew what this was. I ended up asking my Dad and found out that my cousin had tried to murder my brother and I when I was just six. The whole story was told me. It's a very dramatic story actually. I was shocked to say the least. I know about all of it now, but I still only remember bits and pieces of it. I didn't want to believe it. It felt unreal and I wanted it to be unreal. It took me ten years to come to the point that it was real.

That is just one of many pieces of memory that are like that for me. I still have many traumas I feel aren't real. At the heart of this is the fact that I don't want it to be. Facing the truth is infinitely hard at times. It gets even worse when most of them are fragmented memories with few chances of verifying them. I know that the only way I am going to get to the truth of these fragments is by doing what I don't want to. I have to dig at them. Tear them apart. Face it dead on. I have to separate what I think and feel from what I remember. Not an easy task. Then put it all back together again.

In my eyes, your feelings on this are completely normal. However, you need to start facing it to find your truth.

So, you say you don't have a proper memory on this. What memory do you have? Maybe start there....

bec

Awakening,

I can only share my very limited experience. Every two weeks works best for me. Weekly is just too much. Working three days a week in that crazy ER and seeing the doc leaves me too little time to recover and feel good. Due to scheduling conflicts, there have been three weeks in between. That just seems to lack continuity. Wow, this reminds me of a children's story of three little bears... too much, too little, and just right.

This past December, I did come out and say coping and managing the symptoms isn't enough. I have a very clear goal as to why I am there. In spite of the overly client-centered approach, it is up to me to adhere to my goal of doing CPR again. Yeah, I can talk about the day-to-day stuff but that doesn't help me achieve my goal. She doesn't push me and sometimes I wish she would. So far, I have been able to push myself.

Awakening, answering those questions about what you want for yourself and what you want to achieve in therapy, and whether you want to continue to tread water sounds like a good place to begin. Keep us posted. I'd be interested in how your doing.

Take care,
tude

once a week. i have a hell of alot to fit into one hour per week.

Awakening-I also relate to feeling like a fraud. It's a difficult thing to deal with. Have you been upfront with your therapist about your concerns?

I see mine weekly, which for now is about right. Less frequently and there's too much too remember, and I can't imagine more I think that would be too much.

I see mine every 2 weeks, only because I can't afford to go every week. My Therapist, during our last session, expressed his frustration about me only being able to come every 2 weeks as he would really like to see me every week, and I would really like to see him every week. Hopefully this will be able to change soon because I know that I need to be seeing my T every week.

I can raise my hand for the feeling like a fraud thing too... it has been interesting to see that others feel the same way. I have even asked my parents if anything else happened to me during my childhood that I don't remember because I have those days when I just think "get over it already, you have friends that have had worse and they seem to be getting alone just fine!" Then again, the more I learn about PTSD and psychology itself, the more I realize that one, a lot of times those friends really aren't just fine and two, its pointless to compare traumas and reactions. I learned that one here. :0)

As for the therapy question, I see mine once every two weeks. I think this is about right for me because I need time to think through the session and try to apply the knowledge I have gained. The things my therapist suggests are usually things I can do outside of the office. I sort of view him as a guide. My progress is my own choice and he can direct and re-direct me as I travel that road. Its really hard and painful, but I trust the idea that it has to get worse before it gets better and I know that I have to do certain things and face certain fears if I want to live well.

How often do I think someone else should see a therapist? I can't really answer that... it really depends on where you are in your process, how much effort you are willing make on your own, and how much you can take and use out of each session.

I have so many issues that I think 4 hours a day everyday would be good for me. But in reality I see him once every week and my other Dr. once a month.
It always seems that one hour isn't nearly enough. All that happens is I get to talk for 45 minutes and he responds with "well said" or "you have every right to be angry". It almost seems like a waste of my time and money.
That is why I hope that relationships can be made here and I may find some healing.

I usually see a therapist monthly and find that to be more than enough sometimes. Of course, I don't have a therapist who, in my estimation, helps me very much.

Yeah, I have heard that too, that so and so has had a harder life than you ever did, and he / she seems fine, so why can't you stop whining.

What that speaker does not know is the truth under so and so's smiling exterior!

I have also had people who don't know the whole truth about me, tell me that they are surprised to learn that I have depression, PTSD and am on an antidepressant. I seem to them to be a fraud because they don't see me on my bad days when I don't leave the house. They are casual friends who don't see me unless I have the energy to leave the house and put on that "normal" exterior to blend in with the crowd.

These are the same people who don't see what's covered by my clothes and say, "You don't look disabled." What am I supposed to do with that comment? My best response has been, "Funny, you looked like you had manners a minute ago."

It's easy for people who don't know the real you to make an off the cuff comparison between you with someone else, especially when that speaker has no idea what your life, nor that of the person you are being compared to, is like! In my opinion, that speaker's comparison is worthless.

Almost everyone wants to "fit in" and be "normal" and accepted, so we smile when we are in pain, and on bad days, we stay home. We don't want to be the subject of gossip, or have to deal with thoughtless comments.