Once a week until recently when I tried twice to go two weeks...with not so good results. I think I may go back to once a week...

I see my T every 4 to 5 weeks. This was my idea due to the money. I just started making appointments for every 3 weeks. My T told me not to worry about the money but he wrote off over $1000.00 previously and I feel guilty for not paying. How can I say, I can't afford it when I tell him we bought a house, my husband bought a motorcycle and we paid $700.00 for our dog ect.
Does anyone feel I should allow my T to not charge me what my insurance doesn't pay?

A week ago, I brought in a list of tramas that happened to me since childhood @ his request. I typed 3 pages up after thinking about it for a month. I have had flashbacks and memories recalled that I forgot about. I just remember another one the other day. I cannot believe how many things did happened to me. In 3 weeks, I will see what he has to say after reading what I wrote and what kind of approach in therapy he will start using. I know one thing, he was totally shocked at my list. I felt like, he looked at me different like my list scared him most likely, I read him wrong and it was my imagination. He had no idea what I have dealt with all these years. I didn't either, I repressed most of them until now.
sunnydaze

I have been seeing him on and off for 12 years. He thought he was mostly treating me for chronic pain and 1 sexual abuse incident. As he wrote for my diagnosis single-episode w/ major depression. Than after my step-son was murdered 8 years ago, he added PTSD w/ panic and anxiety attacks.

Okay, I've been coming back to this again and again.. 12 years? You've been paying for a therapist, that has heaped on the diagnoses, for 12 years? OMG...

I have a question for you.. how much progress have you made in 12 years.. I'm really curious to see the answer for this one...

bec

Becvan,
As far as my T's, I have been seeing T's for about 30 years. Others have gone to other type of practises , have moved to different states or I got rid of them. If you read my 1st post about myself maybe it will help you understand how complex my situation is. I have tried many meds throughout the years to find out the effects after taking awhile no longer helped or they were not the right ones for me. Year after year of my life, I suffered another trauma. As soon as I started to heal something else would happen to bring me back down. Perhaps, I will share with you one day the traumas, I just typed out for my T than maybe one can understand.

I am fortunate to cope with life as well as I have. I came real close to many breakdowns but my T now has been there for me. If, I call him in an emergency he calls right back and helps me calm down. Like, I said I have seen him on and off for 12 years. It has always me thinking I didn't need him anymore to only go back downhill than start all over.
sunnydaze

Okay, I don't mean to sound rude here but please don't decide what I did or didn't do. Before I asked how much progress you've made with your therapist, I read every thread you started. Did you read mine?

All PTSD is complicated and complex. Your not the only one on here dealing with multiple traumas that have heaped on over the years. Really, that sounded condescending to me. I'm sorry but your not in this super special totally unique set of circumstances. Your trauma is unique, but many before you and many after you will struggle with complex multiple traumas.

I asked an honest question. How much progress do you think you have made. I didn't get an answer instead getting the runaround about how I couldn't understand. I don't care what reasons your continuing to go for 12 years or 30. Your paying for it, so there must be some reason. I really wanted to know how much progress you have made. Thanks for the reply.

bec

Becvan,
I am sorry but you do sound rude! Remember in the healing game one has to watch how they word things and possibly think before hitting send of how this person may read what you wrote if you are on top of things. Please re-read your 2 posts to me and see if, I wrote that to you how you would take it.

Now as far as your answer, I am taking one day at a time doing the best I can. I have learned relaxation techniques and have had biofeedback therapy.
As I wrote, my T was unaware of 90% of the tramas I have been through until the week before last. I had put these nightmares in the back of my mind only when he asked me to list them a month ago did, I begin to remember. I am doing alot of reading on PTSD and depression as well.

I thought joining this forum, I would not be judged nor my T but that is a impossibility as we are all humane and imperfect creatures. I personally will go back and read all your post again. I am not saying my story is the worst ever even though my last 4 T's thought so. As stated in previous posts I made everyone perceives their tramas different and everyones emotions are different. I would like to see how emotionally balanced others would be with just alone 3 murders in their family besides sexual abuse and other things. Maybe a will start a poll on this. I apoligize
ahead of time if I took it wrong.

What I remember of your previous posts and threads you seemed like a caring person.
sunnydaze

Firstly thank you for your honest answer. Asking a simple question is far from rude. How that was construed as rude is beyond me. My second post was pointing out the obvious. You gave me a big runaround with the implication that you have it worse off. Which again you have implied here.

Now I'm pointing this out for a reason. PTSD isolates us. We all think no one can understand, no one else has been there. It's very very negative thinking that HARMS us. Which is exactly what I am trying to point out. So let me be blunt. Your trauma is not worse nor less than anyone else's. Period. Many of us have multiple traumas. Many of us have heard that our stories are the worst that the therapist has ever heard, or how it's a miracle we lived through it. This forum is proof enough that it's complete bullshit. This thread may be off interest although its more aligned with those who think theirs is less than: Trauma VS. Trauma

Now you can keep going with this mindset and completely alienate yourself or you can work on this mindset and come to a better and healthier place where support and understanding is available. Your choice. I have no more to say.

bec

(my apologies for going so off course.. perhaps Anthony could split this into it's own thread?)

Becvan,
I copied and pasted one of your post just as I said in my last reply to you and you said it yourself. So where is the problem? I by far am not better than anyone else. I do not use trauma as a game, I've got one better than you or others. Please read below your own words.
sunnydaze

Becvan wrote:
How I react to my trauma and how I speak about my trauma is not wrong nor there for you to judge. My trauma itself is not there for you to compare to your own. They are not comparable. Every persons trauma is unique, as is their stress response to it.


We do not allow members to attack and judge each other about their traumas. If we did we wouldn't have a forum. No one would talk about anything.

I really don't know what your problem with me is, however, there is no justification for this treatment.

bec

Having someone tell us we are fortunate to be alive when surviving trauma is not BS. If we were not strong deep inside ourselves many would not be here. Some would be locked up in mental institutions and others taking their lives. So anyone that has survived abuse and are here to tell about it are fortunate.
We must be stronger than we know ourselves. Some get stronger some get weaker. We somehow pick ourselves up and cross another hurdle. For whatever reason I am greatful. Perhaps God helps us deal with our stresses if so I am a believer.

I personally have read 2/3 of the posts in this forum since I joined and believe me I have cried for each one of them. When one goes through pain they can have compassion for others because only they could understand because they have been there.
I do not think I have had it worse, those who have fought in the war have seen so much more in a short period of time than the years that streched out with my traumas. At least I had a break in between. I could never survive being in a war and watching people get killed no matter who it is. I cry for animals how much more is a humans life of value.
sunnydaze

At the moment, I'm seeing my therapist once a week and my Psych once a month.