My ex once said to me : "I don't wanna be manipulated".

I thought it was a word with a strong meaning and I was surprised to hear such a thing from him. I didn't really understand.

I took it personally, and asked him if he thought I could manipulate him in any way and asked if he trust me.

He said that he trust me and he was refering to women in general.

That comment made me realize he surely had a "special" conception of relationships, and that for this reason, our vision of things was different and it was logically bit difficult for me to understand him.
Then I started thinking his fear could explain why any form of bonding or engagement seemed to be a real issue for him.

I don't know if this fear of being manipulated is a component of PTSD?

Has the sufferer you care for ever expressed this fear of being manipulated?

How does it affect your relationship and how do you deal with it as a carer?

Absolutely. I have PTSD, and I really fight when I feel that I am being manipulated by anyone. I am having that fight at this moment, in fact.
I changed from my phone company, which I despise, to my ISP, who now sells and bundles phone-Cable TV - and internet for one low price. I called, and the rep quoted me a very nice price, no installation fee, and told me how much the bill would rise to after the one-year low price. I agreed to that price, and we made a verbal contract on a recorded line.

Now that the company is here on my property, there is suddenly a cable modem to rent, the prices are higher and the cable company is changing their mind on the nice price I was quoted on the phone. I am fighting because they manipulated me into buying services from them at one price, then changed the price to a higher one after the fact.

Of course, this happens to people who don't have PTSD, but this kind of thing makes me rabid. Nobody likes to be screwed. I, however, have a constant fear that people are trying to harm me because of my trauma. People whom I was supposed to trust and rely on for my life abused me in terrible ways fro many years. Now, I expect people to harm me, companies to screw me, and bad things to happen.

That's why I was initially glad that the cable company's phonecall was recorded by them, and they have agreed to credit my account for the amount in dispute for one year. We have yet to straighten out the dispute about how much the services will cost after those 12 months. I am not giving up.

But my blood pressure is higher because of this, and I am angry and my mind is going over every time in my life that I have been screwed. I want a drink, but I should not go down that road because everyone in my family is an alcoholic. I need to relax, but I can't. This is the life of my PTSD. I am fighting, stomping around and snorting like a bull in the ring, just begging for a matador from my cable company to walk into the ring so I can crush him for lying to me.

You are thinking, the easy thing would be to cancel and go back to my old phone company. But I can't do that easily because now, there are charges to change phone companies, and if you think the cable company is a liar, try Qwest Phone company! They are true criminals.

So yes, we PTSD people do have low tolerances for any sort of manipulation.

I believe manipulation is a way of life for some people. I think we all (PTSD or not) have been manipulated at some or many points in our life. I know I feel vulnerable to manipulation.

What is manipulation anyway? Being coerced to do something we don't want to do. Being coerced to please another and do it their way? If we are manipulated why did we go along?

After we have been manipulated we get angry because we feel used.

I feel either sex can have the art of manipulation and use it as a weapon to satisfy their own needs. They tend to be selfish and self-centered people.

To learn to recognize it in the process and act on your own beliefs is a learned response and takes a lot of experience and time to develop.

Thanks for yor answers.

Since on the road to healing I have discovered that the thought of being manipulated is what drives a lot of my internal chatter - I am hypervigilant, on guard, on the look out, watching for any signs that I may be being manipulated.

I guess the biggest realisation that I have had is that those that I fear manipulating me are usually the least likely too.

My last relationship suffered at the hands of this; I found it difficult to really see the truth of any situation surrounding conflict as I felt my partners suggestions were just him trying to manipulate me.

He understands this now and always reassures me that he is not 'out to get me', and that he just genuinley cares. However, as we are no longer together I guess it is easier for me to see this. I trust him now, but I am also aware that this new found trust is also because there is less of an emotional risk of being hurt and manipulated by him.

Manipulation is another good old fashioned defense mechanism - fear of it drives you to extremes in order not to become manipualted. It causes a lot of dysfunctional thinking and pushes people away.....

Spirit x

I think this often happened with my ex!

I often thought that everything should be kind of biased in his mind, for he didn't seem to see things clearly, as they simply were, he just seemed to confuse himself so much and get lost about a simple situation.
Whatever I tried to say to make it clearer, everything always became overcomplicated and it always ended with him withdrawing from conversation and me feeling upset, frustrated and desperately sorry about what happened.
Communication was totally down.

I had this feeling our discussions were finally just a suffering that I should spare him.

Saying that makes me realise how dysfunctional our relationship was in some way.


Spirit you post helped me a lot, thanks!