I have had a major breakthrough today in therapy and I wanted to share and explore this feeling.

Today was not about re-visiting the past, today was about brining me into the here and now. My T kept referring to the date, 'you are here with me now, connected, in April 2008', then she would say 'you are with me in the room'.

She is aware that I am quite intuitive and I started to frown a little. She asked me if I was Okay? 'Hmmm, I feel a bit surreal as if I have just arrived'? Yes she said, you will here me use this quite a lot! She explained that many of us don't connect with our present surroundings, with the 'here and now'. She explained that she could see from our sessions etc., that I especially did not.

Bloody hell - it seems so obvious, but I just do not! I am always living in my head, experiencing the world from the past and thinking about the future , but never in the 'here and now'!

We practised a relaxation technique to trigger this here and now feeling.....She explained that she wanted me to go home and really look at my boy's face, look at my home and all that I have in it, and think about what I have achieved to have in it to the present date. She told me to taste my food, smell the air, look at the sky, watch and hear the birds.

It felt weird to begin with as though I had just arrived behind my eyes. I am in love with this feeling now! I am here and I can see everything around me, wow!

Oh my! Where have I been all these years - I have not been here, not connected to me and what is around me.

It makes perfect sense!

So can and do you live in the here and now?
What is it like for you when and if you do this?
Do you believe you have been living in an alternate universre - Traumasville?
Do you think it is an amazing feeling to achieve, connecting with yourself and your surroundings?
Do you think this is what recovery is all about?

wow , so close to home. I live in my head also and always think about the past and then look forward. but i never get to appreciate and enjoy what i have right now.
I have an amazing wife and a brand new little baby girl. I so wish i could enjoy the now.
Im so happy for you. Make the most of it.

Yes, yes yes!!!

There's nothing in the world like it...just being...here.

Spirit, I salute you!

Roo

Yes, that is great! I read a book called "The Power of Now" about 6 months ago and started living in the present moment. That book is so simple to understand and makes so much sense. I have healed tons since I read it.

It's hard to stay in the present sometimes because I'm used to dissociating. I have to make a conscious effort to do it.

It is a wonderful feeling.

Tammy

I have that book on my 'to read' list!

Yes being in the now is just so amazing - I feel like a dog with a new trick! And, yes it is something you have to work at! But, it is just so worth it! When I was walking home from therapy I walked through my town centre, and for the fisrt time actually engaged in seeing the peolpe that passed me. I looked and said to myself their is a man with a green tie on I wonder if he is thinking about the now! I have always been a grest people watcher, but I rarely consider the 'here and now' of the moment!

I reckon it is so key in learning to heal your trauma! I feel so relaxed and positive! I did not realsie I spent most of my time floating just above my head. We need to feel connected to oursleves so that we can experience living...Life is so much more than trauma it really is! There is a life out there just waiting and we need to do both - live and heal!!!

Thanks guys!

Spirit x

Absolutely yes to it all. I can remember the day I "woke" up. It was like I was living in a Black and White world that suddenly was full blown technicolor. Everything became so intense - the smells, the clarity, the colors, and even the sounds where enhanced.

It is totally exhilerating. If I have begin to fall - I drag out that one day with the crisp blue sky and autumn leaves - the cool clean air and say this is NOW.
It works 80% of the time. As I snapped and fell in to despair; I also snapped and fell out of despair.

Isn't it great!!!!

Yes, and I hate it.

I can barely read all your posts I'm sorry to say!

My T goes on and on about notice the leaves on the trees, the sun on your face - I think that part is all a bit too new agey feel good factor for me.

The being present thing I can sometimes appreciate and recognise that I need to do. My T is constantly saying here we are in this room, you are safe and it is the year 2008. For some reason I find this incredibly annoying. I think I find it patronising? Or it makes me angry.

I'm not sure but for some reason the whole here & now thing is triggering for me. Not sure why, but it's a good thing you posted it so at least I'm aware.

It's Okay Awawkening!

I no for a fact that there would of been a time that allowing myself to be in there here and now would of probably scared the sh*t out of me. I believe it is another coping mechanism. Our trauma makes it so easy for us to leave, you know dissociate. And, I reckon after living this way for such a long time the 'here and now' can seem a bit strange.

I did feel surreal and I know that this feeling before now would have made me feel very uncomfortable and nervous.

Being in the now means that you cannot possibly block out all of that horrible stuff we are always trying to flee from - thoughts, memories you get me right? The here and now is about being present in your mind and body and experiencing life as it happens. Instead of always standing back and looking in - I believe this is also why I have had that 'alone' feeling for so long - I was way off somewhere else, totally disconnected from me and my surroundings.

I guess it could sound a bit new agey , but it makes perfect sense for us! You are not ready for this yet? Perhaps this method of bringing you together with yourself is not the right technique? You will have to answer those questions honestly for yourself?

Triggering - well I have lived my life imprisoned by the fear of this for 26 years, and now that I am ready to 'fight the good fight' I say no more. I understand now that my triggers are not real, they are not lurking behind anything or anyone they are all about what I have created, and so I am ready to take them on! But, for a long time I feared them and would avoid them - you have done good in my books to speak up and be honest about how you feel, very good (and I am not patronising you I am giving you my honest feeling).

Think of the 'here and now' in these terms; you are fighting to take control, you are fighting to heal, fighting to reclaim your life, fighting to live in a functional manner, fighting to find happiness, restore balance??????? Well if you are then use the 'here and now' exercise as new armour. It takes away a little bit of PTSD, it takes away a little bit of how your trauama can control you and it brings you back into the driving seat!

Your thread has been important for me too, in ways you would not believe, so thanks for that! :-)

Spirit x

Awakening, I have been thinking about you!

I do not want to come across as a 'do gooder', I am just trying to perhaps give you a new perspective?

Perhaps you are not ready to truly let go of the past and your trauma yet? Perhaps you are still angry about it? Perhaps you are not ready to move forwards and leave it in the past? Perhaps this is why you feel angry and patronised? Perhaps, you do not feel in a position to start to heal that aspect yet- healing means laying to rest and moving on.
Allowing yourself to live in the now could seem like you are trying to forget about what happened?
Living in the now could seem like you are turning your back on certain aspects of your trauma.
Living in the now could laiden you with guilt about living?

I don't know you personally (obviously), but perhaps these could be some questions that you could ask yourself? Perhaps, I am totally off key? Perhaps, thinking about all of this makes you feel angry? Perhaps, you could teel your T how you have been feeling about this aspect of therapy, if you have not laready? They are just my thoughts and I hope they help you to move forwards from your feelings?

Sent with love, Spirit x

Hmm, Spirit. The here and now, eh? I am fortunate to know what living in the moment, being comfortable in that moment and in my own skin, and being in awe and wonder of it feels like. It is good.

Only recently can I say that I have experienced anything close to what you describe. Disconnected from myself lately, yes. The here-and-now Self I once was has yet to fully return. Right now I don't like the here and now. It is far from perfect and I find it far too unacceptable to be present in it. I am not sure, but perhaps connecting with my recent work experiences will help change that. In other words, I am only beginning to connect thoughts and feelings with events. At least, I hope this will help. I miss my life and who I was before this all started. I miss the peace and joy of being in the present moment. Maybe it just depends on where we are at in our recovery when it come to living in the here and now.

I am excited for you in your new discovery. It is cool, isn't it? Enjoy it. Hopefully soon, I and others here will be there too.