I just read a thread on here that reminded me of something I wanted to talk to my T about.

My latest and most bleakest moments were accompanied by excessive spending and purchasing. I am in no way a materialistic person and I live a simplistic life.

In reflection I feel it was another way to dissociate from the pain I was in. A way to try to feel normal, perhaps? I understand that there were other complex dynamics going on, but I feel that doing this at the time was in an attempt to distance myself from what I was feeling. (it didn't work, obviously)........I have experienced many other things that I also feel were an attempt to block out what I was not wanting to deal with!

What have you done? And how did it affect you?

Spirit x

For a while I did the shopping thing, but that was some time ago. One thing I did a lot was to obsess over something that would interest me. We have talked about a racing mind. I must have done this over a miriad of topics.
I stayed preoccupied with big game hunting, African history, pistol and rifle shooting, fishing of all types, collecting firearms, motorcycles, pool, art, music, high risk investing, aviation, weight lifting, swimming, work, conspiracy theories, world war 2 history, roller skating, even unicycle riding to name a few that pop into mind.
Then, of course there was drugs and alcohol.

Lrs,
Do you think that this is also about 'all or nothing' attititude? You know the healthy behaviours continuum and being either extremes rather than the stable middle? Do you think this is down to what was also learned in early development?

I would obsess, about thoughts, ideas, activities, friendships, la de la! I have rarely ever done anything with a balanced approach. Always 'all or nothing'.......

Spirit x

Ouch, the shopping thing hit a nerve. I know I do this, but I try to just pretend that it is because I'm such a girlie-girl and I love clothes. I know it goes deeper than that because I tend to shop in order to get me out of a crappy mood.

I also try to stay very busy. I NEED to work on a daily basis, otherwise I start to lose it. If I have too much time to myself, I start thinking too much, and I get REALLY depressed.

I guess it is a major concern Nic if you live beyond your means? The spend I went on was over about 10 days and was way over mine!

I totally empathise with being busy etc. Distractions serve a purpose to a point! I guess we have to learn to live beyond these coping mechanisms so that we can be at 'one' with oursleves - I am working hard to achieve this so that I do not put myself at ANY more risks.

Spirit x

Yeah that would be one way of phrasing it. During those days that was a pattern. I still have some of those activities, but I don't believe I obsess over these things.
for example:
I still enjoy playing music, and I will probably play up to an hr a day. If I have the day off, I might even play for a couple of hrs. And I still get into it.
Back in the old days, you could almost label that as my total identity as a person. If I was not playing, often throughout the day my mind would be racing, consumed, and just fixated on how I could play a song better, or even build a better instrument.
I never thought of this as unhealthy or distorted, because it brought me happiness to be that way.
Some might ask if I have really changed, because I still enjoy some of the same activities. It comes down to discernment and balance. I still enjoy this, but it is not who I am, and there is balance in my life. At least more than there once was.
Besides, what are we supposed to do? Sit around and watch TV all day. ( I've been known to do this )

I guess I asked that question Lrs because I am sure that a lot of this behaviour also comes from what we learned while we were developing. I mean people must do this all of the time right? People wihtout PTSD - use the distraction method.
However, they do not live the majority of their lives this way, do they? For example, We live in a world of consumerism, 'buy the big fancy fridge that crushes ice and wipes your ass and then you will have a more complete feeling/life.'

I guess I feel that this dissociating goes way deeper than just trying to ignore the here and now of a situation, memory etc. We have learned not to have these boundaries? Perhaps, we learned to dissociate because that is what our bodies did at some point during our traumas? Perhaps, this is merely about having more resources to dissociate with? I am going around in circles - I have a feeling about this that I can't quite put my finger on!

I will ponder on this!......

Spirit x

Hi Spirit,

I heavily dissociate and have been doing it since I was 8. One of my favorite things to do is shop. But I don't have to shop for anything expensive, I could have just as much fun at the dollar store as I would have at the mall. For me, it's all about occupying my mind with new things that I can touch and smell and feel. It's more of a sensory experience for me, but I always buy the products. I've heard of people taking a shopping cart , putting things in it and then leaving the cart in the middle of the store after they have done their "shopping". I still have to buy the things I feel attracted to at that moment. My husband thinks I have a "problem" when it comes to shopping.

Cleaning is another way that I dissociate. One minute I could be talking to my husband and without ending the conversation, I start obsessively vacuuming the rugs, wiping down counters, febreezing the furniture. It's absurd.

I do like to paint and write but that for me has never been a form of dissociating, those periods are always when I am very much inside of myself.

[quote=linasmom;67293]Hi Spirit,
Cleaning is another way that I dissociate. One minute I could be talking to my husband and without ending the conversation, I start obsessively vacuuming the rugs, wiping down counters, febreezing the furniture. It's absurd.
quote]

OMG! I do this too!

Spirit x

I go to quilt shops. I have a spare bedroom in my house that is so stuffed full of fabric that there's no room to walk. I am lucky to get the door to swing open all the way. I am a bad girl.