One of my numbing strategies has always been smoking and drinking...god I love it, and I still fall into it...like yesterday!

I did not learn this at home at all. My parents were straight arrows who never drank or smoked. They did not even swear.

I cuss like a sailor when I am away from work, love my ale, stout, wine, tequila, bourbon, whisky, gin, calvados, port...ride my scooter too fast, flirt with women...

My T says I am an adrenaline junkie who likes risks. At the same time I have been "covering" for soooo long that I am smart. Never been caught! I can go weeks or even months with no booze or smokes. Always have a plan B, an alibi, a cover story, an exit route...Perhaps that is the thrill that takes me away from the pain, the memories, the truth and reality. When none of these strategies works, I head to the woods and just hit "reboot".

I would like to say I am past all of these things now that I have been in therapy for three months and on meds...but that would not be true. I think my bipolar and my stubborness and my ego all complicate things.

Great way of seeing things

Spirit x

Drum roll please........................................and the answer is; a foetues! sorry I was being faceitous. Perhaps it is the closest we will ever get though? I guess the beauty of human nature is that we are imperfect? Our imperfections are what make us uniqiue from each other!

Spirit x

Okay I am going to be really brave and list all of mine, past and present.

Cleaning, rearranging the house, painting (the house until some ungodly hour), alcohol, food, drugs (illegal and socially accpetable), sex, spending, internet, music, thoughts (obsessive and on the surface stuff), workaholic......I guess that means that I should just read books and watch t.v ;-)

I have already left the majority of these behind me..................

Spirit x

Anyone seen Black Snake Moan? The main character compulsively deals with her memories through sex... I found it odd though since her memories are of sexual abuse as a child.

There is a link here..................I have experienced similar!

Spirit x

Trauma Reinactment Syndrome

Spirit x

Book 'women who hurt themselves'.....

"Drinking and using drugs are similar to dissociative techniques used by the trauma victims to shut off the pain, fear, and rage experienced during the abuse. The abused child learns to evoke the numbing and disconectedness necessary to endure the vilolations. The adult survior, wishing to create this experience of escape, searches for other avenues to this state of oblivion".........

I do not mean to dismiss any men on here or any other trauma survivors. I just thought this was exactly what we were all thinking! It applies to both men and women in my opinion.

The TRS explanation - I guess if a woman has experienced sexual abuse as a trauma then they would have learned to dissociate while that was happening (as above outlines). So for a woman to partake in this activity in order to dissociate makes sense. It is a perfect scenario in which to disconnect. There are also other dynamics here, wanting to be loved by inappropraite means. Diminishing aspect to who you are by doing something that may rasie disgust in themeslves..........

We are complex beings eh?

i hope that was not to uncomfortable for some of you to read? This is just about educating oursleves!

Spirit x